How to Take Control of Your Life

We all want a life of peace, joy, and happiness. We want to live a stress-free, easy life that flows. So what gets in the way? Problems? Politics? People? These are all external factors that we have no real control over.

The reality is much of the drama, stress and angst in our lives we bring on ourselves. It is a hard pill to swallow, but if we really stop and analyze our problems, in many cases, we will see that our thoughts and actions are what cause us to suffer. The good news is these are both within our control. In other words, we can do something about them. Let me warn you - this post is going to give it to you straight. 

First, let's look at a few examples of how we make ourselves suffer.

We complain we are fat but then we eat a whole bag of chips, devour a carton of ice cream or eat an entire pizza.

We complain we are out of shape but then we spend the night glued in front of the boob tube instead of going for a walk or to the gym. 

We complain about our partner neglecting our needs but are we meeting his/her needs? Or are we too wrapped up in getting our needs met? Remember - it starts with us. 

We complain about our exes, the breakups and our singleness, but we neglect to make time to self-reflect and see what role we played in those relationships and where we might need to change. More importantly, we neglect to connect the dots between our upbringing and experiences to our current behaviors. 

We complain about our finances, but never make a budget or track our expenses. 

We moan about our upbringing and what a poor job our parents did so we stay stuck in our emotional ruts for years instead of changing our behavior and our thinking. 

We suffer because of what someone said or did to us but we fail to take action to stop it. It's called setting boundaries. 

Adam and Eve

Not much has changed in the human psyche since these two played the blame game. It's easier to place blame or look for an excuse such as:
 - "I don't have time to exercise"
 - "I don't have time to cook healthy"
 - "I don't have time to clean"
 - "I'm not in love with my spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend anymore"
 - "I act this way because of how I was raised"
- "Oh, I didn't want to hurt their feelings, embarrass them, etc".

- "He/she is the problem, not me."

You get the idea. All of these statements are either putting the responsibility on someone else's shoulders or making a flimsy excuse.  It is much easier to lay the blame elsewhere or make excuses for our lack of action but guess what? This keeps us stressed and stuck. We won't grow. We won't learn. We won't change AND we won't move forward in our lives.

What to Do
As a woman who has gone through some very tough stuff, (see my book, "The Power of Faith: a journey to healing, wholeness, and harmony)  I finally said to myself "Enough is enough" to the mental and emotional suffering. The path to transformation and emotional freedom began with lots of self-reflection. 

I have become aware of behavior patterns and thought patterns and worked on changing them one by one. I've learned to say "No" to disrespect and unkindness when before I would have allowed poor treatment because I never knew I should expect better. I've learned to take better care of myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I've learned I need more space and solitude than other people, so I prioritize my quiet time. I've learned that I am responsible for my well-being and self-care not anyone else. I learned this from an ex-boss who told me "Take care of yourself first." I got it. 

Many people make the mistake of looking for someone else to take care of them and make them happy. That is too heavy a burden for anyone. As Abraham Lincoln once said "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be". 

Learn the Lesson
Experiences that cause us pain have a message. There is always a lesson in the pain. It is up to us to take the time to figure out what that message is. This is our personal responsibility. No one else's. And this is how we will grow and reduce the stress in our lives going forward. 

When we learn to take responsibility for our actions, our words and our thoughts, we increase our personal power. We no longer have to play the blame game or the victim role. We can take back our lives (see my book "Take Back Your Life: 5 keys to Reclaiming Your Personal Power") slowly but surely. In my next post, I will discuss the importance of forgiveness in taking back our lives so stay tuned. 

For Reflection

What thought patterns or behaviors have you inherited or picked up from other people that are not serving you? What behaviors are you tolerating? Take time this week to do some journaling and really do some reflection on your attitudes, thought patterns and behaviors that you want to change.

If this post inspired you to take action and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom and until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz