Is there someone in your life with whom you just can't seem to get along? It could be a coworker, a boss, or even a close family member. We all have someone that is a challenge to get along with so today we are going to talk about how to manage that relationship and still keep your peace.
First, it is important to realize this: that difficult person is in your life for a reason. There is a lesson your soul needs to learn and they are the teacher. When we run away from difficult people, before we learn the lesson, be sure that life will serve us up someone else to help us learn the very same lesson.
So, what to do after an argument or conflict?
1. Get your emotions under control.
Nothing good is accomplished in the heat of the moment. When our emotions are all fired up, logic goes out the door. We need to see clearly what is going on when the fog of the frustration and anger has cleared.
2. Take a step back.
Rather than continue to fight it out with our egos and our pride, the next thing is to take a step back. Realize sometimes relationships have to go backwards before they can go forwards because we are all human and the stresses of life cause us to resort to our old patterns of behavior.
3. Think about your part in the problem.
We all like to point the finger of blame at the other person. Why? Because of our egos. We don't want to accept responsibility for any wrong-doing, but as I often remind myself, there are always two sides to any story. Ask yourself what could you have done differently. One of my problems is I am too nice and eager to please. Often, if I had just listened to my gut, I would have said no and probably avoided the problem in the first place.
Here's a recent story that happened when I failed to say "No" to my oldest son. Mother's Day was approaching. He asked me what I wanted to do and told me his expectant wife was unable to go out of the house. I wanted to do something fun but instead, capitulated and said okay and I agreed to drive over to his house on the other side of town. I could feel the tension in our conversations in the weeks preceding but was hopeful everything would work out. I was dead wrong. Spare you all the details, but it took me over 50 minutes in the pouring rain and heavy traffic to get to his house. He was waiting for me to go pick up the carryout, and said I couldn't stay in the house alone when I wanted to relax after the exhausting drive. Right there something was fishy. My gut was telling me to say "No, don't go over there" that very morning, but I ignored it. What I should have said was "Sounds like you are not up to celebrating Mother's Day today, let's make it another day". My peace of mind would have thanked me and it would have prevented the migraine I had the next day. If only....
4. Say your peace
After we have calmed down, and thought about our part of the problem, it is time to try to resolve the issue with the other person. It takes two people to want to resolve problems and sometimes, the other party doesn't want to resolve it. Go ahead anyway and say your peace, be it by phone or email. I prefer in person talks. Communicate your feelings to the other person. Avoid using blame terms such as "You did this...". Use " I feel (name the emotion)" sentences. This gets to the root of how you are feeling so that the other person can understand. Now, if you are dealing with someone with narcissistic tendencies, this might not get through, but at least you will have gotten it out.
Another thing we can do is to suggest solutions to prevent the problem from happening again. Life is a live-and-learn arena. Holidays can be especially stressful and they will not always turn out the way we would like. Adjust, accept and move on.
5. Give them to God.
If the other person refuses to address the situation, this is unhealthy for the relationship. It is also out of your control. In this case, once you have confronted the issue, expressed your feelings and taken responsibility for your part, it is time to give it to God. In other words, you have done all you can, and it is now up to God to work on the other person. We never know how long this might take, but if we want peace of mind, we must stop ruminating on the problem and trust that God will work it out when it is appropriate. Go on living and enjoying your life and don't give any more energy to a negative situation.
So there you have them: 5 steps to dealing with a difficult person. I hope this personal post has given you some insight into how to deal with the people in our lives. If so, please join our blog community and enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly encouraging and educational posts as well as my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".
Stay tuned for more positive, practical, and powerful wisdom to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!
Until next time,
Keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
No comments:
Post a Comment