How to Find Joy in the Tough Times

As I watch the recap of the events of this year, I realize how desperate the times have become. It can be depressing to watch too much of the news these days. Yet Christmas is upon us and once again we have the opportunity to receive the true gifts Christ came to bring: hope, peace, joy, and love. Despite the difficult circumstances of our lives, it is still possible to have joy when we know what it is and where to find it.

So many years ago, the angels proclaimed tidings of great joy at the birth of the baby Jesus. What is joy exactly? Have you ever thought about it? Is it the same as happiness? Many mistake joy and happiness for the same thing, but they are not.

At a Christmas party here at my complex a few years ago, I had quite a lively discussion with some neighbors about the differences between joy, happiness, and contentment. Seems folks have very different takes on what each of these are.

"I'm content", I commented.
"You mean you're settling," he said.
"No, I am content. At peace with my life."
"Well, I'd rather be happy," he said.
"Happiness depends on our circumstances and is temporary," I countered.
"Contentment is boring," he replied.
"What about joy?" I asked.
No answer.

I decided to take a poll at a nearby table and asked what everyone thought. The question precipitated quite a variety of answers.

Philosophers define happiness in terms of the good life. The Declaration of Independence says that "the pursuit of happiness" is an inalienable right. Happiness speaks to the external qualities of life such as health, wealth, & beauty. Happiness has to do with our feelings and like our feelings, happiness can change in an instant. It's easy to feel good when all is well, but what happens when our external circumstances change? Our finances take a nose dive? The doctor gives us bad news or a relationship blows up in our face? What then?

When circumstances are hard and happiness eludes you, consider the deeper gift of Joy.

Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart that comes from knowing who God is and how much He loves you. Here is a good explanation of Joy.

It does not come from new clothes or jewelry, a new car,  relationships, or anything external. These things may make us happy for a while, but they do not bring us true joy. True Joy comes from connecting with the Spirit of God. When I am connected to God and my circumstances fail to provide me with the temporal happiness my flesh craves, Joy still pervades my soul and my spirit. Consider this verse from Ecclesiastes 2:26 :

"For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God."


Joy is a gift of God that Jesus came to bring us at this time of year. Jesus came to earth so that we may know God and that we may receive his gifts. Jesus is a choice we make.

Kay Warren, wife of Pastor Rick Warren, suffered the lost of their son through suicide. Talk about devastating circumstances. Here is what she has to say about joy.
http://www.christianpost.com/news/kay-warren-saddleback-church-co-founder-helps-christians-to-choose-joy-71725/

If your circumstances are less than perfect or the events of this world are getting you down this holiday season, do not despair. You can still find  joy.

If you are broken-hearted, sad, or grieving, you can still find joy.

If you are stressed out with all the demands of the season, relax. You can still find joy.

Christmas reminds us once again that God promises to always be with us, no matter where we are or what we are going through. Jesus' name "Emmanuel" means exactly that "God with us".

So today, if you have lost the joy in your life, I encourage you to find time to meet with the Giver of Joy and get to know the Christ-child, Jesus, this season. He will fill you will an unexplicable joy that never changes.

If you enjoyed this post and you'd like to receive my bi-weekly posts, please enter your name in the email box provided. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" to help you along your way. 

Until next time, Merry Christmas and as always, keep looking up!

Ariel

6 Ways to Stay at Peace Around Emotionally Reactive People

It seems like the shorter the days get,  the shorter people's fuses are. As the holiday dash and end of year activities increase, people are much more likely to be impatient, make hurtful comments, and get defensive. Over the past two weeks, I've encountered quite a few reactive personalities and maybe you have too. Today's post is about the impact of emotional reactivity and how to manage it when you are on the receiving end.  

I don't know about you, but I don't like it when when someone raises their voice. Much of the time the person isn't even aware of it and I have to say "Could you please lower your voice?" or "It sounds like you're getting defensive about this."  How about when someone  throws a temper tantrum?Tantrums are for two-year olds but apparently some adults regress when they get triggered. What about those emails with ALL CAPS and !!!!!. I think you get the picture.

Some people can brush off these emotional bombs easier than others. As a highly sensitive person and empath, I tend to feel emotions much more deeply than most people. Empaths absorb emotions easily which can cause disturbing physical symptoms.  If you happen to be the unlucky recipient of someone's emotional outburst, here are some techniques to help us all deflect the negative emotional energy and keep our peace.

1. Don't take it personally.
   Remember when someone is rude, unkind, gets defensive or reacts emotionally, it is about them, not you. Do your best to stay calm and keep your voice low. Do not get defensive and retaliate which will only escalate the interaction and cause more damage to the relationship. When someone over-reacts there is usually something going on beneath the surface that the other person may not be aware of. A good thing to say is "Did something I say upset you?" This will help the other person to realize they had an emotional reaction and gain awareness.

2. Clarify.
    If you're not sure what someone means, rather than get defensive yourself and retaliate, ask this question: "What did you mean by that?". By giving the other person a chance to explain him or herself, it will help minimize misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Many times we receive communication based on our own sensitivities. We all blurt out insensitive comments at times and we often don't realize how we come across to others until it is pointed out to us.

3. Don't overeat, overdrink, or over-exercise to self-medicate your hurt feelings. 
    Get to the root of your emotions and feelings before you sit down to eat, have a drink, or head for the gym or the track. These activities may pacify us temporarily but the healthy approach is to deal with our emotions sooner rather than later. They are not going to go away and burying them is a setup for illness down the road.

4. Set your boundaries. 
The only way relationships change is if someone changes. We have to be clear about what we will and will not tolerate in any given relationship and communicate this to the other party. Poor behavior will continue until we stop allowing it. Only one person has to change in order to effect a change in the relationship.

5. Minimize exposure to the other person.
    This is sometimes difficult to do but it comes down to how much you value your peace of mind, sanity, energy, and health. When we realize what is at stake, it becomes easier to put our foot down, as they say. We must value our own well-being over any relationship. For years, I would put up with abusive behavior from relatives, loved ones, and boyfriends until I realized how much I was hurting myself by allowing this behavior from others. I valued the relationship more than my well-being.

6. Be patient. 
    Change takes time. Wait and see if the other person is willing to try to change for the sake of the relationship. Don't expect people to change long-ingrained habits and behaviors over night. We might have to bring the same issue up many times before the other person "gets it". If they value their relationship with you, they will change. If they don't they won't in which case you don't need them in your life.

If this post was helpful and you'd like to receive my bi-weekly messages, please enter your email address in the box provided to the right. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Until next time, stay in peace and keep looking up!

Ariel