Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

Is there someone in your life that constantly stresses you out? Is hard to get along with? Drains your energy? We all have at least one. These people are our greatest teachers. Today's post is about how and when to let go of a relationship that is stealing your peace and joy.

Now you know I am all for faith, believing the best, and hanging in there when the going gets tough. However, God wants us to live in peace and harmony and sometimes, for whatever reason, peace and harmony are absent. Instead, there is strife, conflict, division, unrest. This is not God's will for his children. Our destiny is to be full of peace and joy so we can be a blessing to others.

People change. What once may have been a great relationship may have gone sour. As we grow, the other person does not always grow with us or at the same pace. We need to recognize when it is time to let go of a relationship. This can be very difficult because we are often emotionally connected to the other person. We try so hard to make the relationship work but at some point we have to realize that although we love them, we cannot continue to be in relationship with them. We have to prioritize our own health and well-being.

But before we decide to go this route, it is important to take a good hard look inside and ask ourselves this question "Have I done everything I can to improve this relationship?" When I was married, it was a very turbulent situation. I read books, went to counseling, and attended Al-Anon. I did everything I could to make the marriage work because I did not want to be a single mom. But my ex refused to change or do anything to help the marriage. His response was "I'm not the first to be divorced and I won't be the last." He refused to take any personal responsibility for his part.

The tendency is to blame the other person, rather than take personal responsibility. It takes guts to admit our faults and it takes effort to change. We have to value the other person enough to do this, but the ego gets in the way. We make excuses, blame, name-call, label, use passive-aggressive behavior and projection rather than learn healthy communication skills. We apologize but then go right back to our old behaviors. Apologies are good, but they are only the first step.

As I say in my book, "The Power of Faith", don't fall for someone's pretty promises. Actions speak louder than words. Wait to see changed behavior before opening your heart to the other person again. When we continue to allow bad behavior we are in effect saying, "It's okay to treat me like this."

Here are some signs it time to let go of someone:
1. constant strife and arguing
2. inability to resolve conflict
3. repeated hurtful patterns of behavior
4. disrespect such as raised voices, being late, betrayal of confidences, gossip
5. taking you for granted, not putting any effort into making the relationship work
6. jealousy, insecurity, immature behavior

It is normal to feel hurt when we are treated this way, but we have to realize it is not about us, it is about them. Letting go can be difficult, especially if we have been in the relationship for a long time, but at some point we have to say "I choose peace and self-respect over this." Read "Love is Letting Go of Fear" for more on this.

If repeated attempts to ask for what you need are not being heard or received, it is time to let go. Sometimes people are not at a place where they can give you what you need. Then it is time to give them space.

Letting go does not have to be permanent. The other person might just need a wake-up call. You've probably heard the phrase "If you love someone, set them free."

Life is too short to live in strife, conflict and disrespect. When we recognize our value we will not tolerate these from anyone. Instead of spending our energy trying to get someone to change, we can use that time and energy to pursue our own goals and dreams.

Perhaps it is time to let go of someone in your life. If we want peace and harmony, we sometimes have to make tough love decisions and if it is God's will, the person will come back to us. In the meantime, enjoy your life and remember to be a blessing to others.

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Until next time, stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and discovering YOUR destiny!

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz