Hint: if you are married, NEVER ask this question of a single friend unless you no longer want to have them as a friend. As part of our series on relationships, today I am sharing some tips to encourage those of us who are single for whatever reason and at whatever age.
Let's face it - we live in a couples' world. Everything is set up based on two people. This fact came home pretty hard this past week.
I received an offer in the mail for a free vacation, airfare and hotel, for two. Excitement started to percolate as I thought about the possibilities of where I would like to travel. I called the number on the letter, got all the information and decided I was willing to endure the 90 minute spiel to get the free tickets. It was about then that the marketer asks the question:
"Are you married or cohabitating?"
"No, I am not married or cohabitating," I replied.
"Well then, I apologize, but we cannot extend this offer to you. It's only for couples."
Bummer.
Now I know many married folks would love to be single again. However, as glamorous and exciting as it may seem, being single is not all that easy or glamorous. The full load of all life's responsibilities falls squarely on one person's shoulders and that is quite a hefty burden to bear. Take heart, friends.You are not alone and, as a long-time single, I am here to tell you it is possible to survive and thrive as a single regardless of whether Mr. or Ms. Right ever comes along.
Below are 7 tips I've learned over the years that help me focus on the positives when my mind wants to focus on the negatives of the single life.
1. Be thankful for our singleness.
Yes, I know it is difficult at times, but as a happily divorced lady, I can tell you being single is a heck of a lot better than being in a bad marriage - by far! No relationship is worth losing your health or your peace and a bad relationship will steal both. The Apostle Paul was single and he endured some pretty rough times, but he was used mightily by God and I think that is one of the reasons God allows certain people to be single - to have the time to serve Him. Phil 4:11 says this: "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in." Be thankful for your lot in life, whatever your circumstances and you will enjoy each day more and more.
2. Remember how much God loves YOU.
One of the main keys to feeling truly loved no matter what our status is, is to realize how much God truly loves us. Having been abandoned by loved ones more times than I wish to recall, I know now that God's love is unfailing. He shows me his love through friends, unexpected surprises, through his provision and through his grace. Yes, it hurts when people abandon us, but it doesn't have to crush us. People have their own issues to deal with. I've heard it said that hurting people hurt others.
Instead of focusing on how much someone hurt you, realize they are acting out of their own hurts, fears, and insecurities. Now I am by no means implying anyone should put up with abusive behavior. Try focusing instead on how much God loves and cares for you. Look for the blessings in your life. I say "Thank you, Lord" quite a lot these days. No matter who walks out of your life, God will always be right by your side and he will send someone to be there for you as well.
3. Remember that God has a plan for each of us.
Sometimes it takes years for God's plan to be revealed. Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the lessons we each need to learn and how long it takes us to learn them. Discover your gifts and begin using them for the glory of God to serve other people. We each have gifts and when we get out of our self-centered selves to focus on other people's needs, we will be filled with joy, purpose, and have less time to have a pity party.
4. Make space.
Clean out your house, your garage, your closets. Get counseling to get rid of your old emotional baggage. Develop a spiritual practice. In other words, get rid of all the material and emotional clutter. Many singles I know are out every night of the week partying or working so much they have no time to heal themselves so they will be ready for a significant other. If you want God to bring you a partner, you best heal yourself first and then make sure you have the time and energy to devote to him or her.
5. Don't settle.
Now I know many of you, gals in particular, feel like the clock is ticking. Every time some guy asks me how old my kids are I think "Here we go again...". I tell them straight up. I don't believe in hiding information. The truth is going to come out sooner or later and better to deal with issues up front than after you become emotionally attached. Mr. Right will love you for who YOU are and accept your kids whole-heartedly. If he doesn't then he is not your Mr. Right. Next!
6. Trust God's timing.
It's easy to take things into our own hands and try to make things happen on our own timetable. I tried that when I was approaching my 50th birthday. I had a goal to be engaged by the time I was 50, but the guy I was dating at the time turned out to be a liar and a jealous jerk. I broke up with him right before the big bash. When the DJ at my party asked why I was not dating anyone since I "had it all", I answered "Life is too short for drama and conflict." He agreed.
God sees the big picture for your life. He is working behind the scenes preparing other people. Focus on healing yourself and becoming the best person you can be. The more issues you clear out of the way beforehand, the smoother your relationship with Mr/Ms Right will be when they show up.
7. Realize singleness is a blessing, not a curse.
Not everyone can handle being single. Singleness requires a lot of faith, strength, confidence, and responsibility. It takes guts and courage. Singleness is not something to be ashamed of, it is something to be proud of. Singleness is a gift from God. Not everyone can handle the responsibilities of singlehood.
There are a lot of married folk out there who would love to be single and have the freedom we singles enjoy. We can cook or not cook. We can come home to a quiet peaceful, clean house. We don't have to deal with another person's moods and fits. We have the whole bed to ourselves. We have more time to be a blessing to others and to pursue our personal and spiritual growth. Not a bad lot, I'd say.
For Reflection:
Let's face it - we live in a couples' world. Everything is set up based on two people. This fact came home pretty hard this past week.
I received an offer in the mail for a free vacation, airfare and hotel, for two. Excitement started to percolate as I thought about the possibilities of where I would like to travel. I called the number on the letter, got all the information and decided I was willing to endure the 90 minute spiel to get the free tickets. It was about then that the marketer asks the question:
"Are you married or cohabitating?"
"No, I am not married or cohabitating," I replied.
"Well then, I apologize, but we cannot extend this offer to you. It's only for couples."
Bummer. 
Now I know many married folks would love to be single again. However, as glamorous and exciting as it may seem, being single is not all that easy or glamorous. The full load of all life's responsibilities falls squarely on one person's shoulders and that is quite a hefty burden to bear. Take heart, friends.You are not alone and, as a long-time single, I am here to tell you it is possible to survive and thrive as a single regardless of whether Mr. or Ms. Right ever comes along.
Below are 7 tips I've learned over the years that help me focus on the positives when my mind wants to focus on the negatives of the single life.
1. Be thankful for our singleness.
Yes, I know it is difficult at times, but as a happily divorced lady, I can tell you being single is a heck of a lot better than being in a bad marriage - by far! No relationship is worth losing your health or your peace and a bad relationship will steal both. The Apostle Paul was single and he endured some pretty rough times, but he was used mightily by God and I think that is one of the reasons God allows certain people to be single - to have the time to serve Him. Phil 4:11 says this: "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in." Be thankful for your lot in life, whatever your circumstances and you will enjoy each day more and more.
2. Remember how much God loves YOU.
One of the main keys to feeling truly loved no matter what our status is, is to realize how much God truly loves us. Having been abandoned by loved ones more times than I wish to recall, I know now that God's love is unfailing. He shows me his love through friends, unexpected surprises, through his provision and through his grace. Yes, it hurts when people abandon us, but it doesn't have to crush us. People have their own issues to deal with. I've heard it said that hurting people hurt others.
Instead of focusing on how much someone hurt you, realize they are acting out of their own hurts, fears, and insecurities. Now I am by no means implying anyone should put up with abusive behavior. Try focusing instead on how much God loves and cares for you. Look for the blessings in your life. I say "Thank you, Lord" quite a lot these days. No matter who walks out of your life, God will always be right by your side and he will send someone to be there for you as well.
3. Remember that God has a plan for each of us.
Sometimes it takes years for God's plan to be revealed. Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the lessons we each need to learn and how long it takes us to learn them. Discover your gifts and begin using them for the glory of God to serve other people. We each have gifts and when we get out of our self-centered selves to focus on other people's needs, we will be filled with joy, purpose, and have less time to have a pity party.
4. Make space.
Clean out your house, your garage, your closets. Get counseling to get rid of your old emotional baggage. Develop a spiritual practice. In other words, get rid of all the material and emotional clutter. Many singles I know are out every night of the week partying or working so much they have no time to heal themselves so they will be ready for a significant other. If you want God to bring you a partner, you best heal yourself first and then make sure you have the time and energy to devote to him or her.
5. Don't settle.
Now I know many of you, gals in particular, feel like the clock is ticking. Every time some guy asks me how old my kids are I think "Here we go again...". I tell them straight up. I don't believe in hiding information. The truth is going to come out sooner or later and better to deal with issues up front than after you become emotionally attached. Mr. Right will love you for who YOU are and accept your kids whole-heartedly. If he doesn't then he is not your Mr. Right. Next!
6. Trust God's timing.
It's easy to take things into our own hands and try to make things happen on our own timetable. I tried that when I was approaching my 50th birthday. I had a goal to be engaged by the time I was 50, but the guy I was dating at the time turned out to be a liar and a jealous jerk. I broke up with him right before the big bash. When the DJ at my party asked why I was not dating anyone since I "had it all", I answered "Life is too short for drama and conflict." He agreed.
God sees the big picture for your life. He is working behind the scenes preparing other people. Focus on healing yourself and becoming the best person you can be. The more issues you clear out of the way beforehand, the smoother your relationship with Mr/Ms Right will be when they show up.
7. Realize singleness is a blessing, not a curse.
Not everyone can handle being single. Singleness requires a lot of faith, strength, confidence, and responsibility. It takes guts and courage. Singleness is not something to be ashamed of, it is something to be proud of. Singleness is a gift from God. Not everyone can handle the responsibilities of singlehood.
There are a lot of married folk out there who would love to be single and have the freedom we singles enjoy. We can cook or not cook. We can come home to a quiet peaceful, clean house. We don't have to deal with another person's moods and fits. We have the whole bed to ourselves. We have more time to be a blessing to others and to pursue our personal and spiritual growth. Not a bad lot, I'd say.
For Reflection:
Are you longing to be married? Do you think something is wrong with you because you are not? What can you focus on to make yourself a better you? Who can you reach out to serve?
Life is about growing and learning to love and serve others and there are plenty of opportunities to do both regardless of whether we are married or single. Often we think another person will make us happy and complete our lives, but this is simply not true. We must make ourselves happy. Don't put that burden on someone else.
No matter what our marital status may be, each day is a gift so live and enjoy it to the max and remember to be a blessing!
Stay tuned for more igniting the power within and discovering YOUR destiny!
Until next time, keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
All rights reserved. If you wish to use this material, contact me at arielpaz08@gmail.com
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