On The Practice of Radical Acceptance

What is it that just "gets your goat"? A neighbor, relative, or coworker? Traffic? Screaming kids? These all have one thing in common; they are all out of our control and fighting them steals our peace. Wouldn't we all be a whole lot happier and more at peace if we learned the practice of radical acceptance? To accept people and circumstances as they are. To live and let live. I've been dealing with this recently myself. 

Personal Story

I love summer and the opportunity to go to the private pool here at my complex. For me, it's downtime. Time to rest, soak up the sun and read. What I don't love are lots of loud screaming grand kids, people who talk on the speaker phone, and loud grandparents. I know many people are simply unaware or don't care how loud they are, but I consider it a lack of respect for others. I know there is no controlling kids but there are rules that are not being obeyed and it "gets my goat". After my attempts to bring attention to these situations failed, I have come to the point of "radical acceptance." Some things you just have to accept, regardless of what you may want or think. It's a letting go of sorts. 

Dealing with Frustrations 
Life is full of things that are out of our control such as the stock market, the weather, strange unexpected occurences, aches and pains, and relatives, to name a few. Many of us struggle with a chronic condition such as arthritis, migraine, anxiety, or depression. We have relatives that don't want to get along with us and the weather seems to have gone haywire slong with the rest of the world. As long as we fight against what is, we will not have peace in our relationships or peace within. 

A Phrase to Remember 
Years ago, I had a dear friend whose favorite expressions was "It is what it is". I thought that was so profound. She had learned, or was trying to learn to surrender and to accept things that were out of her control. Learning to surrender is a process because it can be applied to so many aspects of our lives at different times in our lives. Life continually gives us "opportunities" to practice. 

If we want more peace on a daily basis, we must learn radical acceptance - of our conditions and of the people in our lives. But let me take this one step further - deeper. More importantly we need to learn to practice radical acceptance of ourselves. 

Accepting Ourselves
We must also learn to embrace every aspect of ourselves: flaws, imperfections, personality traits, flabby legs, balding head, and all. Sure this blog is all about growth and personal development, but let's remember to love ourselves along our journey to healing and wholeness. I think sometimes I focus more on the things I want to fix and change about myself, rather than treating myself with loving kindness. What's worse, I probably do that with others as well. Smack me, would you? 

Some traditions say we are perfect just as we are and I've always disagreed with that concept but maybe - just maybe - what they really mean is "accept ourselves the way we are" and in that way we are perfect. Make sense? This is a HUGE change of perspective for many of us. 

For Reflection

What is stealing your peace and your joy? What do you constantly complain about? What are you resentful about? This week let's practice radical acceptance. Let's stop complaining about what is and start replacing these thoughts with thoughts of gratitude and loving-kindness. There is always another way to look at things. 

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Until next time, practice radical acceptance and remember, 

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz