How to Be Free From Your To Do List

Are you a list maker? Do you pride yourself on how many items you can check off on a daily basis? Do you often feel like you'll never get caught up or get it all done? I am and I do and this week I had a revelation that set me free from my to do list once and for all and I want to share it with you so we can live with more joy and less stress.

First, let's agree there is nothing inherently bad about to do lists. In fact, they can be quite helpful in keeping us focused on the many tasks we have on our plates. They can help us remember things and assist in prioritizing what needs to get done. However, to do lists can also put us in a form of mental bondage and cause us to be more stressed than we need be.

The pressure of looking at so many to dos and the constant crossing off and adding more is unhealthy. I know because I have been in bondage to my to do list since I was first married, then divorced and a single mom, and now flying solo. As a single parent raising two sons, it was imperative I be organized and efficient and my to do list helped me survive those years but now things are different. This week, I had a revelation. Now this might be obvious to some of you, but to me it was liberating.

No matter what our circumstances are in life, we can change the way we think about our to do lists. Instead of them hanging over our heads like a dark cloud, we can do these three things:

1. Let go of the guilt and pressure.
"Being caught up" is a harsh task master who fills us with guilt and condemnation. This inner voice keeps us on the to do treadmill. We are human "beings", not human "doings". We don't have to feel like we need to be "caught up" because the reality is, we never will be.

What we need is a mindset change. A reframing if you will.  Let go of the pressure and stop listening to that voice that clamors "You need to do this, this, and this today. You need to take control." Some things are not our responsibility and out of our control. Don't take on other people's stuff. We can take the pressure off by doing the most important things first thing in the day, and then whatever else gets done is icing on the cake! It's called "being in the flow". 

Of course, we do need to listen to the voice that says "You need to get organized" "you need to exercise" "you need to get your finances in order". We have to discern which is the voice of false guilt and which is the voice of conviction, but that is a topic for another day. 

2. Realize there will always be things to do.
The truth is there will always be something to do until the day we die because life keeps moving. Things change. The house needs repair. The car needs attention. We want to lose weight. As I tell my mom, "That's life". The sooner we realize that this is the reality of life, the better we will be able to cope with daily challenges. If we think life should be a smooth ride all the time we will be in for a rude awakening when something unexpected happens. 

Now we do have to keep up with our responsibilities but I'm talking about the frame of mind we have while taking care of those responsibilities. If we want to live less stressed and more at peace, we can change the way we think about our to do's.

3. Let go of perfectionism. 
We don't have to have everything taken care of and neatly under control. I've learned that much of the pressure I put on myself comes from a place of perfectionism which stems back to my upbringing and being a first-born child in an alcoholic home. First borns are typically the more responsible child and take on way too much. Everything does not have to be done today nor does it have to be done at a frenetic pace. Nor does it have to be perfect. As a counselor once told me, you don't always have to bring your "A" game. And neither do you!

I feel relieved just writing this post today. I believe I have turned a corner and hope this post will help you turn that corner as well. We can be productive responsible adults and still enjoy each day with peace and harmony.

I hope this post has encouraged you and if you'd like to receive my weekly posts enter your email in the box provided. You'll always receive a copy of my free eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" for yourself or to pass on to a friend. Do pop on over to Pinterest and check out my pins on a variety of subjects including delicious recipes, fitness and exercise, faith, mindfulness, relationships and much more. https://www.pinterest.com/arielpaz/pins/

Stay tuned for next month's topic which is learning to surrender more and control less. Ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

The Magic of Margin: How to Avoid Spreading Yourself Too Thin

Are you constantly on the run? Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and don't have time to do the things that truly matter to you? Do you find yourself spending less and less time with friends and family and more time at the job or doing other activities? Breaking commitments and feeling bad afterwards? If so, you're not alone. A recent experience with a long-time high school friend demonstrated the need for a solution to this dilemma.

Some weeks can be particularly stressful and this had been one of them. I was so looking forward to getting together with a girlfriend. We had made plans about a month ago to get together to hear one of our favorite country bands at a nearby shopping mall. The week before I had an idea.

"Hey, girlfriend. Would you like to get together for dinner on Friday before the concert?"

"Hmmmm. Not sure if I will be able to make dinner. I'm driving some friends to Pennsylvania that day and it could be a long day. Ok if I let you know by 2 or 2:30 when I see how things are going?"

"Sure," I said, knowing full well there was no way she was going to make dinner if she was going on an all day trip to PA. I felt a twinge of disappointment as we both enjoy this pizza place and we hadn't been for quite a while, but I brushed it off and decided to look forward to the concert.

Long story short, my friend never made it to the concert. She was, understandably so, too exhausted from the day's trip.

Now please understand, I am writing from experience. I, too, have tried to do too much in the past until I learned about this one concept that fixed the problem once and for all. It's called Margin.

If you invest in the stock market or remember writing essays back in school, you know what I'm talking about, but in case you don't here's a basic explanation. Margin means 'leaving space'. It's a simple concept but it has huge implications.

Just as it is important to leave space on the written page, and space for the price of a stock to fall before you decide to buy it, it is even more important to leave space in our schedules between activities.  Things always take more time and more energy than we usually anticipate, especially since none of us is getting any younger. But how exactly does one build margin into one's life?

Some keys I've learned: 

1) practice saying that two-letter word "NO" and sticking to it
2) prioritize your activities, friendships, and commitments
3) put yourself first because you matter
4) don't guilt yourself into doing things you don't really want to do

We cannot say "Yes" to everything and everybody. Time is a gift to be treasured, not squandered. Scripture exhorts us to "let your yes be yes and your no be no", (Matthew 5:37). When we are clear on what we want to say "yes" to, it will be easier to say "no" to things that matter less. Stephen Covey has a whole series on this topic entitled "First Things First" if you want to read more about it.

Until next time, practice building margin into your day. Then write and share with me in the comments below how it has helped you feel more relaxed, more at peace, and more fulfilled than ever before.

If you enjoyed this post and want to join my blog community, enter your email address in the box provided. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned, pass this on to a friend and and remember - keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

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How to Have More Ease in Life

Life can be exhausting.  Just the daily tasks of going to work, taking care of the home, the car, the kids, trying to eat healthy and stay in shape, manage the finances. The list goes on and on. As a single mom, I was always busy: working, going to night school, taking care of the kids, the house, trying to keep in shape. I was disciplined, structured, and organized. I was also exhausted a lot of the time.  Raising two boys without a dad is no picnic.  Life doesn't have to be like this and today I'm going to share what I've learned about how to have more ease in life, despite our circumstances.

You see, when we learn to live a fast-paced, over-committed life, it is hard to slow down. We adapt certain behaviors and ways of living to cope with the challenges of life that becomes our norm. Today let's talk about 5 ways we can bring more ease into our lives.

Side story. Do you ever get a song or a verse that just sticks in your spirit over and over? I do. I keep getting this one passage year after year and I asked why God keeps giving it to me. Then I figured it out. It's because I hadn't learned all the lessons that were in it! You may be familiar with the passage Matthew 11: 28-30.  So here's what it taught me.

1. "Come to me"
Jesus knows when we are tired and worn out by all our responsibilities and to-dos. He invites us to draw closer to him. In other words, to spend time in prayer, time reading the Word, time just being still. This invitation is extended to each of us who feel overwhelmed.

2. "...all you who are weary and heavy burdened"
When we feel weary and heavy burdened, this is a sign we have taken on too much. It's time to let go of some of our commitments. It is time to rest. Our bodies and our minds need rest. Our minds cannot rest when we engage in too much activity and have too many concerns to deal with.

3. "and I will give you rest". 
This is a promise. When we let go of some of the extraneous activities and commitments we have taken on, when we turn our cares and concerns over to God, then we can enjoy mental and physical rest. We were not made to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. That is God's job.

4.  "Take my yoke and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart"
Jesus is God's example of how we are supposed to be: gentle and humble. I know I was not born gentle or humble. In fact, gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit. Like a seed, gentleness needs to be cultivated in order to grow. We need to learn to be humble. Most of us want to take all the credit and be the center of attention to feel good about ourselves. Jesus was not like that. Jesus was a servant and that is what we need to be: servants and examples of God's love, mercy, grace and compassion.

5. "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 
Yes, life has its challenges and its responsibilities, but we are not to let them weigh us down and steal our peace and our joy. A friend of mine once suggested I start declaring "Today is going to be an easy day". I tried it and it worked! Jesus does not want us to feel over-burdened. We are instructed to cast all our worries and concerns on him. (1 Peter 5:7).  He is our burden-bearer. When we let go of some activities, we have more time to have fun and to laugh and we all know the adage "Laughter is the best medicine!"

If we want to have more ease in our lives, we need to let go of some activities, some people, and spend more time with Jesus. It is important to rest, have fun, and laugh.

I hope this post has been helpful. Do consider joining our community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my practical and positive bi-weekly posts plus a copy of my free eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more on how to ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

Ignite the Power Within Step 4: 5 Ways to Overcome Overwhelm

"I've just got too much to do and I'm exhausted." "I don't have time for...." Have you heard yourself make comments like these lately? Do you feel like you are never caught up? Always on the go and never have time to relax, exercise, or do something nice for yourself? If so, you are not alone. We all struggle with overwhelm at times, but there are ways to manage it and make life more relaxed and stress-free.

The feeling of being overwhelmed is a problem many struggle with, especially women who are usually taking care of the family, the house, the meals, the spouse or boyfriend, all the while holding down a full-time career AND trying to stay thin, fit, and beautiful. Just thinking about all this is exhausting.

I know because I've been there myself. As a single mom raising two sons, working at a demanding high-pressure job and going to night school, it was quite a juggling act to keep everything together. But I survived, and you will too and today I am sharing 5 tips on how to deal with overwhelm and not turn into the wicked witch of the west.

1. Take time to breath.
When we start feeling anxious, rushed, or stressed, that means it's time to take a break, sit down, and take a few deep calming breaths. Repeat a phrase that will calm you down such as "I can do this", "I am calm", or any prayer or meditation that you choose.

2. Prioritize.
Reevaluate what is really important in your life. Most women have a hard time relaxing. We need to remind ourselves to just "Chill out" and move relaxation higher up on the priority list. I know I do. Most men do not seem to have this problem, I have observed. We could learn from them.

3. Just say NO.
 I used to carry a yellow laminated card in my purse with the word 'NO' written in big red letters. I would whip it out when someone asked me to do something I was not crazy about doing. Picture the referee at a soccer game giving a yellow card to one of the players. You get the idea.

4. Stay present.
 Focus on the task at hand. Don't spend precious energy thinking about what all you have to do that day or that week. Take one thing at a time. Then rest. Then do the next thing. When we spend time complaining or ruminating about everything we have to do, we waste precious time and energy.

5. Be thankful.
Look for the positive side of the situation. Instead of complaining about cleaning the house, say "I am thankful I have the energy and the health to clean my house."  "I am thankful I have a house to clean." Rather than bemoan your job, your boss, your coworkers, say "I am thankful I have a job and a steady income." There is always another way to look at things.

These are a few tips to help us all stay calm, cool, and collected despite the many demands and responsibilities of life. There will always be stuff to do. We cannot change that. But we can change our attitude on how we think about the stuff we have to do.

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  Share this post with your friends too.

Until next time, remember to take time to rest and as always, keep looking up!

Ariel