Judgement is part of the thinking process we use to make good decisions. According to the dictionary, a judgement is an opinion or a decision that has been given careful thought. So what gives? I decided to do a bit of research and here's what I found.
We all make judgements everyday.
One definition of judging has to do with evaluating circumstances, situations, and people. For example, in our driving, we judge how much room to allow before changing lanes. We judge whether we have enough time to make it to the grocery store before our appointment. This is a judgement based on experience and knowledge.
The other definition of the term "judgement" pertains to making negative moral assertions about others. There is a difference between carefully evaluating a situation versus making negative moral assumptions about a person, culture, or ethnic group. It seems this is where the confusion and the divisiveness comes in so let's take an example and see if we can understand the difference.
A Story
Your daughter comes home and says she slept with her boyfriend after the party and feels terrible about it. After questioning, you find out that there was liquor at the party. We deduce that our daughter had too much to drink. As we evaluate the situation, we can say helpful things like "It will be okay. You made a mistake. I know you feel terrible. What can you learn from this experience?" Try to empathize rather than judge or condemn. Yes, she used poor judgement regarding how much to drink, but young people don't always have the best judgement and neither do we at times.
On the other hand, if the parent is judgemental, rather than trying to understand the daughter, he or she would say something like "You are so promiscuous. You are trash. How could you be my daughter?" etc etc. Now this is extreme, but notice the negative verbage, the labelling, and the feeling of guilt and shame. This type of response serves only to demoralize, shame, and divide rather than console and unite. Judgement is used in both scenarios but in two totally different ways. Here's an article to further explain.
We all make judgements everyday.
One definition of judging has to do with evaluating circumstances, situations, and people. For example, in our driving, we judge how much room to allow before changing lanes. We judge whether we have enough time to make it to the grocery store before our appointment. This is a judgement based on experience and knowledge.
The other definition of the term "judgement" pertains to making negative moral assertions about others. There is a difference between carefully evaluating a situation versus making negative moral assumptions about a person, culture, or ethnic group. It seems this is where the confusion and the divisiveness comes in so let's take an example and see if we can understand the difference.
A Story
Your daughter comes home and says she slept with her boyfriend after the party and feels terrible about it. After questioning, you find out that there was liquor at the party. We deduce that our daughter had too much to drink. As we evaluate the situation, we can say helpful things like "It will be okay. You made a mistake. I know you feel terrible. What can you learn from this experience?" Try to empathize rather than judge or condemn. Yes, she used poor judgement regarding how much to drink, but young people don't always have the best judgement and neither do we at times.
On the other hand, if the parent is judgemental, rather than trying to understand the daughter, he or she would say something like "You are so promiscuous. You are trash. How could you be my daughter?" etc etc. Now this is extreme, but notice the negative verbage, the labelling, and the feeling of guilt and shame. This type of response serves only to demoralize, shame, and divide rather than console and unite. Judgement is used in both scenarios but in two totally different ways. Here's an article to further explain.
Personal Story
So this past summer, I was headed to the pool, with my cart and reading material. A neighbor got in the elevator and noticed my book on finances and commented "Oh you're reading about finances" with a smug tone. This was from a woman who spends $200 on a haircut. My reply was "Everyone should learn about finances," and smiled sweetly as I exited the elevator.
How to Catch Yourself
One key to knowing whether you are judging is to ask yourself if you are evaluating to make a conclusion or if you are making negative moral assumptions about another person. Author Gabrielle Bernstein wrote an entire book about judging. Check it out here. Everyone lives by their own set of moral standards and code of ethics so let's try to seek to understand and empathize more and judge less.
For Reflection
Next time someone accuses you of being judgmental, you now have a better understanding to determine whether you are or not. OF course, there are other ways of being judgemental. Write and give me an example you know of. Love to hear your feedback on this topic.
If this post was helpful, it is part of my newest book, "Finding Faith in a World of Fear" available on Amazon and other booksellers. Get your copy today.
How to Catch Yourself
One key to knowing whether you are judging is to ask yourself if you are evaluating to make a conclusion or if you are making negative moral assumptions about another person. Author Gabrielle Bernstein wrote an entire book about judging. Check it out here. Everyone lives by their own set of moral standards and code of ethics so let's try to seek to understand and empathize more and judge less.
For Reflection
Next time someone accuses you of being judgmental, you now have a better understanding to determine whether you are or not. OF course, there are other ways of being judgemental. Write and give me an example you know of. Love to hear your feedback on this topic.
If this post was helpful, it is part of my newest book, "Finding Faith in a World of Fear" available on Amazon and other booksellers. Get your copy today.
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Stay tuned for more on how to find healing, wholeness, and harmony so you can ignite the power within and discover YOUR DESTINY!
Keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
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