Peace is a precious commodity. Without peace, we will never get to joy. Friends, there is power in peace but it is up to us to be diligent about keeping it. Today I'm sharing on one of the primary culprits that cause us to lose our peace and that is strife. Strife is a peace stealer and a divider so it is important to recognize it before it gets a stronghold in our lives and in our relationships. Let's learn together how to recognize it, what causes it, and how to deal with it.
What is strife?
The dictionary defines strife as "angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues; conflict". Some other words for strife are discord, bickering, arguments, quarreling, contention.
Strife is pervasive in our society. People get into arguments over differing political views, religious views, money, intolerance, prejudice, and racism to name a few. What's worse is when this quarreling permeates our homes and families.
There is usually someone who always has to be "right", have the last word, etc. Many people confuse the word "right" with the word "opinion" or "perspective". Right or wrong relate to issues of morality, not opinion, perspective, or personal preference which is what many disagreements are about anyway. It is important to recognize the difference.
Some people thrive on disagreement and insist on proving they are "right" often by raising their voice and trying to intimidate the other person but what is the point of being "right" if you have destroyed the relationship? Others go off on lengthy diatribes about their point of view, acting like they are an expert when it is really a matter of perspective.
3 Causes of strife
The Bible says that strife is caused by pride. (Prov 13:10).
"Where there is strife there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."
I think that pretty much sums it up. When we refuse to see the other person's side of things, we perpetuate strife. When we think we are 100% right and the other person is all to blame, this also perpetuates strife. You've heard the phrase "It takes two to tango", right? Both sides have to own up to their part in the conflict otherwise the two demons of ego and pride will divide us.
Strife is also caused by having a closed mind, which is again a form of pride. We have to be willing to see things from a different perspective. Often we form patterns of thinking. We unconsciously classify people into groups which causes us to judge them prematurely. We attribute our own traits to others and we don't see them for who they really are. Emotions get in the way and logic goes out the window.
A third cause of strife is the need to control. Every one needs to feel in control of their lives. However. the problem comes when we try to control other people's lives and choices. We each have a control spectrum, which stems from insecurity and fear. Some people are more controlling than others. Here's a personal story.
Personal story
Years ago, I was dating this Christian guy whom I considered marriage material. I was planning my 50th birthday party and wanted to put together a photo slideshow for the celebration. My then-boyfriend offered to bring over his printer. I told him I had a printer, but thank you anyway. For some reason, he kept insisting I use his printer over and over again. This caused a lot of strife between us. I could not understand why he wanted me to use his printer! Ridiculous to be arguing over such a stupid printer. I think it was a control thing. Side note: when you can't figure out a logical reason for someone's behavior, chances are there is a personality disorder going on such as control, narcissism, BPD, etc. These are crazy-making so stay clear of such personality types.
Next week, I'll share on the how to manage strife. I've been dealing with it for many years and have done a lot of study on it, so stay tuned for how to guard your peace - Part 2.
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Stay tuned for more on how to ignite the power within, find healing, wholeness, and harmony and discover your destiny!
Ariel Paz
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