How to Have More Peace by Learning to Let Go

You've most likely heard the phrase "Let go and let God". It's from the Recovery 12-step program. I thought everyone knew what letting go meant until one of my girlfriends asked "How do you let go?" She was serious. Her husband had died more than 10 years ago and she was still grieving. What are you holding on to that is stealing your peace and joy?

So today, I'm going to do my best to explain the concept of letting go in practical terms to help us all let go of situations, people, pets, and past experiences sooner rather than later so we can enjoy more peace and JOY in the present moment. 

It's a Process
The process of learning to let go is powerful and on-going and can be applied in many aspects of life. This is one spiritual lesson we keep getting to practice over and over again because it applies to so many areas of life in all seasons of life. 

What is "letting go" exactly?
Letting go has to do with attachment. We humans tend to get attached: to the past, to people, pets, material possessions, as well as negative thought patterns and bad habits to name a few. The problem is we become too attached. We hold on too tightly and then, inevitably, we suffer: a loved one dies or moves on, a material possession is lost, broken, or damaged, or a pet runs away or dies. The passage in Isaiah 43:18-19 says this "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past".

When we hold on to negative coping mechanisms from the past or emotions such as anger, grief, or resentment, we prevent ourselves from moving forward in life.  Faulty beliefs and patterns keep us stuck like a rat on a wheel going nowhere. It is a choice to think on things above as it says in Phil 4:8. "Think on things that are pure, true, noble, admirable, lovely, and praiseworthy." I have to admit, this is a struggle for me, too, especially when one is brought up in a critical home environment and praise was based on performance. 

When to let go
Impermanence and change are undeniable truths of our existence. Everything on earth is changing. The seasons change. The weather changes. People change. Technology changes. The body changes. 

Change is part of life whether we like it or not. It is all part of the circle and evolution of life. So how do we know when it is time to let go?

One way to know it is time to let go is to ask ourselves these questions "Is this bearing any fruit in my life?" or "Is this serving me right now?"  If the answer we get is no, it is time to put whatever it is behind us, adopt new ways of thinking and relating, and move FORWARD. 

A second sign is ongoing emotional or mental pain. For example, when we hold on to a dysfunctional relationship for too long, we will eventually lose our joy and our peace and sometimes our health. Constant conflict and friction are warning signs. I have been guilty of holding on to relationships for far too long and not setting firmer boundaries soon enough so I know what I am talking about. 

Grieving Loss 
Now it is normal and crucial to grieve the loss of a loved one or beloved pet. A counselor once told me "The price of love is grief" and that is so true. When we love much, the grief of the loss is heavy, but grieve we must if we want to move thru it to the other side and regain our joy and our peace.

It is, however, not healthy if the grieving goes on year after year and we are constantly dwelling on the loss. At some point, we must make a conscious effort to not dwell on the hurt of the loss because this steals the joy from today and prevents us from living and enjoying the present moment.

Letting go is a process we get to practice again and again in different situations.  Whenever I feel like my joy is gone, I ask myself "What do I need to let go of?" There is usually something that is stealing my peace and joy. The good news is with practice, we will recognize sooner rather than later when we need to let go of something or someone. 

For Reflection

What can you let go of today? A broken relationship? A garage or house full of stuff? The pain from a past hurt? I encourage you to give it to God and let him replace it with the fruit of the Spirit in the present moment. For more on this important topic, get your copy of my new book "Ignite the Power Within: 10 Steps to Supercharge Your spiritual growth."  where I go more into depth about this. 

If this post was helpful, leave a comment, ask a question, and share it with a friend in need. If you'd like to join our community, enter your email in the box provided. I'll also send you a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path",

Stay tuned for my next post to encourage, educate and inspire you. 

Until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Craft a Life You Love

Spring is officially here and it's a great time to declutter. Let's face it. Most of us have too much - too much stuff, too many projects, too much activity. If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit it. We pack too much into every minute, every day. As a result, we end up stressed and overwhelmed. We don't get enough sleep and our immune system falters. Then we get sick. We neglect our relationships, our bodies, and our spiritual growth. Spring reminds us there is always another opportunity to start anew, to grow, and to blossom. 

It's Not Totally Our Fault

We live in a non-stop world. The pace is frenetic and the world constantly barrages us with news, noise, and negativity. It's too easy to get sucked up in the whirlpool of it all; a downward spiral of never ending things to do, places to go, and stuff to take care of resulting in constant frenetic activity, exhaustion, and very little rest, reflection or true peace.

There is an Answer

I know you've heard this phrase, and it is applicable to so many areas of our lives but it seems to have disappeared from mainstream society, especially here in the United States. One principle that we all know but often forget to implement and it is this: keep it simple. 

                                      

Start With the Basics 

Like your wardrobe. Is your closet packed so full you really don't know what you have in there? Time to get rid of some stuff. What haven't you worn in the past year? What don't you feel good in? What makes you look fat, old, or dated? Chuck it - give it to a friend, Goodwill, or a shelter.

Next move on to your house. Same idea. Start with one room at a time.  How about the kitchen, the fridge, and the pots and pans? Every year around early spring, I get this urge to clean and declutter. I am very selective before I buy anything that is going to sit on my kitchen counter or that has only one use. 

Recent Personal Experience

I have been looking for a new toaster oven. Mine is over 10 years old. Does it still work? Yes, but it looks a bit ratty. So on a recent shopping excursion to Costco (one of my fav places), I spied a spiffy shiny multi-purpose toaster/air fry oven. 

Well, I got it home (and bruised my arm because it was so heavy). Unpacked all the various pieces for the different functions, and set it on my kitchen counter. It was too big to fit in a cabinet. I read the cookbook that came with it to see what all it could make. Not impressed. I already have an air fryer setting in my new GE oven. 

Well, long story short. I woke up the next day and saw this big black appliance taking up space on my kitchen counter and thought "Nope, it's too big. It's going back to Costco" and that was that. 

Do You Really Need It?

If we want to declutter our space and our life, we have to get really clear on our priorities. What is truly important? Do you really need all those items to clean, dust, and insure? When was the last time you used whatever? My criteria is if I don't love it and use it, I chuck it. Ok, I get it. Some things have sentimental value. Keep one or two and donate the rest. Live in today instead of the past. Today is a gift, that is why they call it the present. Enjoy it.

Clutter Hinders our focus. 

I can't stand clutter. It smothers me. I need space and light. Stuff seems to multiply like rabbits: gifts from friends we don't need, use, or want, old items we are saving for some sentimental reason, books, records, and photo albums we rarely even look at or listen to. Live in the present and have done with old stuff from the past. Chances are pretty darn good your kids or your relatives aren't going to want anything old you may be saving anyway.

Look at Jesus. 
How much stuff did he have? Did he have to schedule everything in a calendar? He made time for people, healing, and speaking words of faith, forgiveness, and encouragement. When we are ruled by the stuff of this world, what time do we have for the things that really matter? Things that will last into eternity? "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matt 6:33). 

When we declutter our lives and get rid of stuff that no longer bears fruit or serves us, we make room for God to bring in something new. Like preparing for the birth of a new baby, we must make space for the new if we want to grow and move forward in life. 

For Reflection

What are you holding on to that no longer serves its purpose? It may be material possessions but it could also be old patterns of thinking that clutter our mind and prevent us from seeing life in new ways. Simplify your life and see what new thing shows up. I can't wait to hear from you!

If you enjoyed this post and would like a little help prioritizing your life while having fun at the same time, check out my ebook entitled "Take Back Your Life: 5 Keys to Reclaiming Your Personal Power."  Life can be simplified so you can have more peace, more power, and more joy. And when those extra challenges come up, you won't get so stressed out because you have your priorities straight. Order your copy today at your favorite online bookseller. 

I do hope you will join our growth-oriented community. Just enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly newsletter plus a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

And, pop on over to Pinterest and check out all the tips, ideas, and recipes I have curated for you. And if you are looking for a new read, check out my books available at most of your online booksellers. 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR DESTINY!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

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6 Easy Ways to Get Your Joy Back - Part 1

We all have tough days, weeks, sometimes months. Job stress, no time to exercise, family responsibilities or perhaps a run in with a loved one can all cause us to lose our peace and our joy. I can relate. So many things can happen in the course of any given day that can steal our joy, if we allow them to. It is important to be mindful of how and what we are feeling in the present moment and then take constructive steps to deal with the issue so we can get our joy back. 

We are meant to live vibrant, joyful, energetic lives, no matter what age we are. Now that is not fantasy nor is it unrealistic. Sure, we all have down days, but the key is to have less of them. So this week, I'm sharing the first 3 out of 6 strategies I use to maintain my joy but first, a recent personal anecdote you may relate to and how I handled it. 

Personal Story:  

So I did not hear from my son over the Easter holiday. Not a card, not a phone call. Not even a text message. I was disappointed and hurt and I felt it. It was a choice to say nothing or to say something. So rather than stew for days, I decided to email him (a non-invasive method) and express my feelings. He has a lot going on right now and apologized. He also thanked me for sharing my feelings. Wow.

This courageous act of sending an honest email opened up the lines of communication. And my joy returned! I don't like feeling upset or angry at someone so I try my best to clear the air as soon as possible. The Bible says "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Eph 4:26 - 32)

Awareness is Key 

Most people are not aware of how their actions - or non-action - may hurt you. They are too wrapped up in their own lives and problems to think about you. It is up to us to let people know how we are feeling. People are not mind-readers so don't expect them to be. It is up to us to teach people how we want to be treated. If the other person cares about you, honest communication will get the issue out in the open and help clear the air. 

The key is to be more aware of what things are stressing us out and do something about them before we go Kaboom or take it out on other people! Anger management - or the lack thereof - is a huge problem in our world today. Just watch the evening news.  

So here are the first 3 tips on how to try to keep our joy on an everyday basis:

1. Realize you have lost your joy. 
If we're not careful we can become glum and not even realize it. Look in the mirror. Are you smiling? Humming? Or am I ruminating on some situation or person? Am I staying in too much? Sleeping too much? Lack energy? We can get so bogged down by the trials of life, we lose our joy, often without realizing it. The question is - are any of these things worth losing my joy over and the answer is NO! 

"But, you don't know what I'm dealing with," some retort. No, I don't but we are all fighting our own battles, no matter what they may be and we are each responsible for managing our own stress levels. 

If you find yourself constantly dumping your woes on others, blaming loved ones, or always finding fault and complaining, you might want to consider getting counseling.  Better Help is an online counseling service you might want to look into to help you through a rough patch. 

2. Step away from the stress.
When we realize we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it's time to break the stress cycle and get away mentally. If possible, put some distance between you and the situation or the other person. Agree to take a time-out temporarily. Focus on yourself rather than the frustrating situation. Get a workout in, listen to music, make a nice dinner, get together with friends. Do something that puts you in the "zone". These all help to let the steam out of the pot and give you a break from dealing with the situation or person until emotions have cooled and you are in a better place.

I've learned that when other people are stressed they often take it out on an innocent bystander (usually the person closest to them) and it is best to set a boundary - sooner rather than later - with them to protect our peace and our mental and physical health. I'm still getting practice at this one with my youngest son who pushes my boundaries constantly. 

3. Make time for self-care. 
Self-care is not selfish, I don't care what anyone says. If we don't take good care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually, we are less able mentally and emotionally to deal with others. We have to start with a full bucket. Take a hot Epsom salts bath or go to a steam room or sauna.  Give yourself some quiet time. Polish your nails, gals. Get some exercise and get moving - go for a run, a walk, a hike, bike ride or a swim. Guys, get thee to the gym, go for a bike ride, or hit the golf course.

Exercise moves negative energy out of your body. 

When the pressures and problems of the world crowd in on us, it's time to get alone and get the energy moving out of our bodies,  clear our minds, and then we will be able to listen to that still small voice that gives us guidance when we need it.  

Reflection:

Is there some situation or some person stealing your joy? Can you implement one or more of these tips to feel more joyful today? What can you do to process your emotions and let off steam? 

If this post was helpful and you'd like to join our community and receive my weekly encouraging posts, enter your email address in the box provided. As a thank you, I'll send you my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

For more tips and info on a wide-variety of topics, pop on over to Pinterest to check out my collection of pins on blog posts, health and wellness, recipes, exercise and diet, and so much more. https://www.pinterest.com/arielpaz/pins/

Stay tuned for the next post in this series when I share the next 3 tips to getting your joy back. Let's help each other ignite the power within!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

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How to Tame Your Unruly Mind

Have you ever said something "without thinking"? Do you often find yourself feeling down, depressed or anxious but don't know why? What about the dreams you have at night that keep you from getting a good night's rest? What's going on then? If we want to ignite our personal power so we can move forward towards our goals and dreams and have more peace and joy, we must tame and train the unruly beast known as the mind.

The Brain vs. the Mind
Before we can talk about how to discipline the mind, we need to understand what exactly do we mean by "the mind". To keep this as simple as possible, the mind is the non-physical part of us that is composed of both consciousness and unconsciousness. It is separate from the physical part of the body known as the brain. The brain is the organ that is part of our central nervous system and controls our physical and bodily functions.

The mind, on the other hand, controls our emotions, our thoughts, and our will. Some believe that the mind is the eternal part of us known as the "soul". Undeveloped and unconstrained, the mind will take off like a runaway train or a wild horse. Buddhism calls this "monkey mind" meaning unsettled, capricious, restless, uncontrollable, confused. Picture the monkeys you see in the zoo or the wild and how they flit from tree to tree hanging on and jumping around willy nilly. This is how undisciplined minds behave. Thousands of thoughts fly by in the course of everyday life, yet we are unaware of the majority of them.

Feed your mind positive input.
If we want to harness the power of our minds, we need to discipline it to think the right kind of thoughts. There are three main steps to cultivating a disciplined mind and today we will cover the first one.  

Our minds are like computers. How they are programmed is how they will perform. Many of us grew up in an environment of worry, anxiety, fear and the like so we already have a library full of negative thoughts. If we feed our minds junk, violence, and negativity which abound in the media, on television and in our world, our thoughts will be full of this stuff.  You may not even be aware of the negativity that is coming out of you. The good news is we can change the way we think by changing what we feed our minds.

If we want healthy, vibrant bodies we will feed ourselves healthy, nutritious food and drink plenty of water. In the same way, if we want healthy, peaceful and emotionally stable minds we need to feed our minds life-giving, positive and faith-filled thoughts. I prefer to use phrases from the Holy Bible and I can attest to the fact that they do work. Here are some of my favorites:

     -If we want to conquer fear and doubt, start thinking thoughts of faith.
       "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a 

        sound mind".

       "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own           understanding."

     If we want to become more bold and less timid,  
      "The Lord is my rock and my fortress." 
      "No weapon formed against me shall prosper."
      "If God is for us, who can stand against us?". 

    If we want to be more loving,
       "Love your neighbor as yourself"
       "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs."
       "Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

    
    If we want to be more at peace, memorize these verses:
       "The Lord will give keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him."
       "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything pray and give thanks to God and He will give you peace that passes all understanding".     

    If we want more ease and less anxiety, instead of thinking "This is too much for me"  or "I'll never be able to ....." think and say out loud:
       "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me".
       "God will make my crooked paths straight". 
        "Be still and know that I am God"

     If we want more abundance and provision, stop thinking thoughts of lack.
       "My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus".
       "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly."

These are just a few examples I personally use to reprogram my thinking and you can too! Pick out some verses that resonate with you and begin to verbalize them daily. I post them on sticky notes around the house to remind me.

Reprogram Your Mind

If we want to be more powerful, peaceful, and successful, we need to be more positive. We need to reprogram our thinking with truth and the best source of truth I know is the Holy Bible. Now you can use whatever sacred texts or affirmations you choose, but I suggest the Holy Bible and here's why.

God is obligated to fulfill His Word. He is not obligated to follow through on anyone else's word. The words of scripture have supernatural power in them and that is the missing ingredient in using anything else. Positive affirmations that are not the Word of God will only take us so far. Why?

Because God rewards Faith! He wants to know that we are depending on Him and him alone and not merely our own will and self. When we learn to depend on God more, and ourselves less, we will see strife, turmoil, and unease evaporate from our lives and we will enjoy more harmony, joy, and rest.

Cautionary note

Folks, we have to be very careful who we listen to for our spiritual direction. I recently heard Michael Beckwith speak on an Oprah podcast. He is the pastor of a very large congregation called "Agape International Spiritual Center". He sounded very spiritually mature so I decided to check out his service online. They were reading from a "channeled" text meaning some guy who supposedly received messages from his "Guides".

Sorry but if it is not from God's word, I ain't buying it. There is too much room for misinterpretation and human bias in receiving direction from spirit beings, not to mention the possibility of interacting with demonic spirits who pose as angels.

Also, Agape does not believe in the Holy Trinity. I was shocked. No wonder the reading sounded so strange to me. Folks, listen to your intuition. If something feels off, stay away. 

Tune in Next Week 
This covers the first step to disciplining our minds. Stay tuned for more on Step 6 of igniting the power within when next time we'll talk about the importance of meditation. 

For Reflection

What do you find yourself dwelling on? What causes you stress? Will you practice replacing negative thoughts with thoughts of faith and power? 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, simply enter your email address in the box provided and you'll receive my weekly posts. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  If you would like to learn more about spiritual growth, check out my other offerings here. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts so please leave a comment and share it with your friends. 

Stay tuned for more on how you can ignite the power within and discover your Destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

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How to Regain Lost Trust

Trust. It's a powerful word. And a foundational cornerstone to any relationship, business or personal. Trust is crucial to moving forward in life. Often, we lose trust for one reason or another, mostly from hurts from other people. Someone breaks a confidence, someone else lies to us, a partner is not there for us. There are many ways we lose trust. This week, I am sharing on how we lose trust, why it is important to learn to trust again, and how to regain this precious commodity. 

How we learn trust:
In a perfect world, we learn trust in our family of origin. The father is strong, reliable, kind, and present. The kids learn trust from a healthy father-figure. The mom is supportive, empathetic and nurturing. But we do not live in a perfect world. Divorce happens. Alcoholism happens. Somewhere along the line, we get hurt, suffer loss and begin to doubt and question. Someone betrays us, a loved one abandons us or dies, and slowly but surely trust erodes....

People can hide a multitude of problems. We compare our families to others and think "Why can't we be normal like them?" Well, guess what folks? There is no normal. We are all just doing the best we can. There is no perfect family. Based on the rate of divorce and the breakdown of the family unit, I would venture to say that every family has some sort of dysfunction.

Every family has its problems. 
Perhaps you had an alcoholic parent, like I did. As a small child, I worried about whether the rent was going to be paid that month or when my parents would have their next blowout fight. My sister and I learned fear and doubt, instead of faith and confidence. We learned lack instead of provision and anxiety instead of peace.

Maybe you also experienced emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. Perhaps one parent was controlling and the other gave up trying. Did one parent abandon the home either physically or emotionally? There are many, many scenarios of dysfunction and our job is to heal our souls from this emotional pain and learn to trust again, no matter how old we are. 

Part of healing is to be able to trust again. 
It is a slow process but it is possible if we are willing to be vulnerable and have learned good boundaries. Boundaries protect us from the bad behavior of others who try to take advantage of us. We have to learn to protect ourselves because no one else is going to do it for us. And that includes our bodies, our hearts and our finances. We need to learn who to say no to. Trust involves not only trusting others, but also trusting ourselves and ultimately, learning to trust God.

Why trust again?
Why should I expose myself again, you may ask? Why should I risk being hurt? 

Good question.

The answer is because it is impossible to move forward in life without regaining trust. If we don't trust ourselves, we will always doubt our decisions and be fearful of opportunities that present themselves. As a former timid soul, I learned timidity does not serve me. Life will beat us up if we let it and people will take advantage of us so we must learn to be bold and stand up for ourselves. It's a lifelong practice at least for me. 

Trusting Ourselves 
It is important to realize we are not the person we were in the past. Painful situations help us to learn and to grow. We recognize what to watch out for - the red flags - as soon as they appear. We learn about manipulative tactics, lies, and masks. We learn to set healthy boundaries and say no to things that are not good for us. We learn that bad things happen to good people but there is a healing for every hurt. We learn what is good for everyone else is not necessarily good for us. 

Trusting Others
If we don't learn to trust others, we will live isolated, anxious lives and continue to attract untrustworthy people. We receive what we expect. We learn to trust others by slowly giving them opportunities to prove themselves trustworthy. When someone hurts us they need to not only apologize, but show us they have changed so they can be trusted again. When we get to the point where we can trust others, we are then ready to take the next step, and that is to trust God.

Trusting God 
God is not out to get us. He is a good Father. If you're like me and didn't have a reliable father, this may be a foreign concept, but God is trustworthy. He is always there and he keeps his word. God can be trusted. If we refuse to trust Him, we will develop a victim mentality and believe the lie that the universe is against us. We will continue to live anxious, fearful lives. This mindset will block the many blessings that have our name on them.

Benefits of learning to trust
The more we learn to trust, the less anxiety we will experience. We will not bear the pressure of having to figure everything out all the time. We will lose the need to control situations and we will feel more secure in our daily lives. When we realize God, who lives in each of us, is guiding us, we will stop second-guessing ourselves. We will feel more confident in our decisions and we will be empowered to step out and try new things. When we learn to trust, trustworthy people will begin to show up in our lives. We will let go of emotionally unhealthy people no matter who they are. 

For Reflection
Which area do you have the most trouble trusting? Yourself? Others? God? Take some time to reflect on this question and then ask yourself what one small step can you take to trust more? 

Stay tuned for more on this important topic in my new forthcoming book on spiritual and emotional growth. 

If you found this post helpful and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts plus a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". Do follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and check out my many Pinterest boards on a wide-variety of topics too. You're sure to find some interesting stuff. 
https://www.pinterest.com/arielpaz/pins/

Stay tuned for more on finding healing, wholeness and harmony to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Make Your Dreams Come True - Step 4

Are you getting what you want from life? Seeing your goals and dreams come true? Or do you feel like it's never going to happen for you and time is just going by not seeing much progress? Well, today I am here to encourage you by sharing 3 key principles I've used many, many times so I know they will work for you too. Let's jump in. 

Personal Story 

When I was a child, I created what might be called a vision board these days. Basically, you make 5 categories and list the things you want to do, have, visit, become in life. I don't remember exactly what the categories were, but I can tell you this - most of what I put on that board have become realities in my life. 

I've traveled to dream places like Mexico, Paris, Portugal, Argentina, and Africa. I've ridden a camel. Created this blog. Written three books and created a cookbook. Gone to college and obtained my master's degree - something unusual in my family or origin. Learned multiple languages. I'm not trying to brag here. I'm just sharing examples of dreams and goals of mine that have come true following these three principles so you can see that they truly do work. So now let's talk about the fourth step to igniting the power within so you can fulfill YOUR destiny and see your dreams come true. 

                    

  

Realize You are in Charge

No matter where you are in life, you are in charge. Your daily decisions determine your future. As my youngest son said to me a few years back, 

    "Mom, you are driving the bus." 

    "Wow," I thought. "He is absolutely right. I am driving the bus." 

When we realize this truth, it empowers us to take bold action. Instead of letting things ride, waiting for "God" to make things happen, having a defeatist/victim attitude, or settling for less than our best life, we are driving the bus.  

Only You know what is best for you

For much of my younger life, I let other people drive my bus. Big mistake. I let my mother dictate who I married. I let my spouse dictate what type of career to pursue. Two of the major life decisions and I turned them over to other people. After the divorce, I let the boyfriends influence my activities and time.

Yes, I was a people-pleaser. For sure, but not any more. I have learned to listen to myself, my feelings, my desires and pursue what brings me joy and fulfillment. It took a tremendous amount of courage to leave a stable job and a good salary, but I took a leap of faith and am I ever glad I did. This is our destiny - to dream BIG and to follow our dreams, to pursue a better life for ourselves and our families no matter where we are in life. It is never too late and we are never too old to start a new journey. 

The Effort is Worth it
That being said, we have to put forth effort to fashion a life we will be happy with, and to change what needs to be changed in order to see our goals and dreams come true. I studied hard in high school so I could get scholarships to go to college. I sold my car so I could go to France to study. I faced an ugly divorce so I would have more peace in my life. I worked hard at a demanding career so I could support my two sons as a single mom. I got up at 5 am every morning to get my run in before work to stay in shape. I went to night school to get a Masters degree thinking it would help with our financial situation. Effort is required if we want to see progress. This goes for every area of our lives: our health, our relationships, our finances, and our futures.

Each day presents us with opportunities to move forward and it is up to us to take advantage of them. If we want to see progress, we need to work dutifully and diligently towards our goals and dreams. You know the old saying "Slow and steady wins the race." We need to be clear about what we want our life to look like down the road. If we don't have a clear vision, five - ten years from now we will still be where we are today and that is not progress. 

The fourth step to igniting the power within is a 3-pronged approach which involves the biblical principle of learning to ask, seek, and knock.

1. Overcome the fear of asking 
Some of us have a bit of trouble asking for what we want, be it from God or some human being. The first part of this process is to overcome the fear of asking.

For many years, it was hard for me to ask for what I wanted because I was afraid to speak up. Then I realized timidity was not working for me. I needed to be more assertive and ask for what I wanted and needed both from people and from God.

Singles, in particular, struggle with this. How many times does a guy pass up an opportunity to go out on a date with a pretty girl simply because he's afraid to ask her out? Or a relationship breaks up because one person doesn't speak up for their needs? If we are unhappy in a relationship, we expect the other person to be a mind-reader. If we are unfulfilled in our job, we expect our boss to promote us. We have to learn to ask.

Our spouse is not a mind-reader nor is our boss. The pretty girl is not a mind-reader either. If we are unhappy with our lives, it us up to us to take the first step and ask ourselves what we need and then ask others and God for what we want.

2. Make the effort to seek.
We all have problems. Some of them are hard to resolve, but this step encourages us to put the effort to try to resolve things. We need to be really deliberate in finding the correct solution. I have found that difficult problems require a lot of research to find the root cause. We can't just ask the doctor, pop the pill, or expect things to resolve on their own or worse, sweep them under the rug and pretend there is no problem. 

If you're having relationship problems, go to a counselor or two or three, till you find one that fits. If you want to buy a house, go house hunting on your free time and save money for a down payment. Get out of debt. Same thing goes for finding a spouse. We might have to kiss quite a few frogs before we find Prince or Princess Charming. If you need income, go look for a better job. We in America live in the land of opportunity. If you want to write a book, start writing. If we have a health issue, we need to do our own research. We know our bodies better than anyone else. Don't make the mistake of trusting doctors who are only trained in certain areas and don't have the time to go into much depth with their patients. And don't take the easy pop-a-pill way out either. That's simply a band-aid. 

3. Keep knocking. 
This step is related to step two and means exploring different options till we find the right one. This applies to relationships, jobs, and our health. People in sales know this. Earnest job-seekers know this. Successful people know this.  If one approach does not work, try something new. We learn that each closed door brings us one step closer but eventually a door will open to new opportunities, new ways of thinking, and answers to prayer. 

This 3-pronged approach is a fundamental process to igniting the power we each have to move forward in life. When we master this process, we will move past obstacles that have kept us stuck often for years. 

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of implementing this principle on a daily basis. Too many people try for while and then give up. No! We have to keep at it. This practice  develops perseverance and determination. It strengthens our character as well as well as our backbone. If we want to see changes in our lives, we must be willing to persevere, even when we don't see anything happening. 

For Reflection:

What goal have you been trying to achieve? Which of these principles can you apply to move forward? What goal have you given up on that you would like to see become a reality?

If you enjoyed this post, please share with a friend.  If you'd like to join our community and receive my weekly posts, enter your email address in the box provided.  You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

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Stay tuned to learn more on how to ignite the power within and discover your DESTINY!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

3 Ways to Surrender More - Ignite the Power Within Step 3

Are you a control freak? Do you always have to run the show? Have things your way?  Most people have control issues, some to a greater degree than others. Stress makes us more controlling. Today's post is the third in my series on letting go and control. Today we'll be talking about how to surrender so we can have more peace and serenity despite what happens in our daily lives.

The human tendency is to want to control. If you were raised in a chaotic home environment like I was, control becomes a coping mechanism to help us manage our lives. This learned behavior then spills over into other areas. We often don't realize we are controlling until someone points it out to us or we feel stressed out a lot of the time.  There are some things we can do to let go of the reins and relax more.

Here are 3 ways we can learn to surrender more:

1. Stop trying to figure everything out.

I think the smarter a person is, the more difficult time they have with this. I have a friend who some might describe as "flighty". She has no problem with control. She doesn't try to figure anything out. The problem there is she doesn't take responsibility for herself. I, on the other hand, am always trying to figure things out. I think it also comes from my being an analyst for 30+ years. I learned that way of thinking on my job. Recently,  I have had to unlearn that thinking pattern and learn how to come to grips with not knowing all the answers. It really does take the pressure off when we stop trying to figure everything out.

2. Stop fretting about people and events we can't control. 
The trick here is to realize when a situation is not in our control. A neighbor stopped over and launched into a fast-paced tirade about another neighbor's behavior. I said to her "It's not in your control. We can't change other people. Stop worrying about her and focus on yourself." Immediately, I could see her relax. When you get worked up over something, take a breath and ask yourself "Is this something I can control or not?" If the answer is no, let it go.

This also applies to our grown children. Stop using the excuse "Well, I'm a mother and mothers worry." That is an excuse. You do NOT need to worry. Trust God with your kids and let them take responsibility for their choices.

3. Let God call the shots.  
Now this one is a bit tougher, I have to admit. Many of us like to be in control. A male neighbor said to me one time "You like to call the shots". I was a bit surprised. "Well, I've been a single parent for most of my life and I'm used to making decisions.", I replied coolly. I think some men have a problem with women who can think for themselves. Sorry, guys. 

Things happen in our lives that are out of our control and life takes a dramatic twist. I think these times are opportunities to learn to trust God more. We don't always know where the road is leading, but God does. As the song by Carrie Underwood goes, "Jesus take the wheel,". It's a lesson we all need to learn at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later.

As we close on the topic of letting go, I hope this series has helped you understand more about letting go & control, how to let go, when to let go and the benefits of letting go. Here's one more article you might find helpful on the subject. 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our blog community, please enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts on topics such as relationships, personal growth, health and wellness and spirituality. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom so you can ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Eliminate 4 Negative Thought Patterns

Spring is a time for renewal, rebirth, and transformation. Who doesn't love seeing new life, bunnies, flowers, and the gorgeous tree colors? It is a time for transformation and that is what today's post and this month's series is all about. 

What transformation would you like to see in your life? Perhaps lose some weight? Get in better shape? Get your financial house in order? Take that trip you've been dreaming of? Break a bad habit? (We all have them :)) All of these are very exciting and motivational personal growth projects to start on. 

Our progress in life and in our goals has much to do with how we think. Often we pick up negative thought patterns which we are unaware of. Awareness is the first key to transformation so this week I'm sharing four thinking patterns that keep us stuck instead of moving forward. 

The Root of the Problem 
As you probably know, change starts in our minds. We all have sub-conscious tapes playing and thought patterns that keep us from making the changes we so desire. I would like to EMPOWER YOU to address some of these faulty thinking patterns. So, what are some of these negative thinking patterns that prevent us from living our best life?

1. Procrastination
You've heard that saying "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today" and it is so true. What doesn't get done today, will spill over into tomorrow's to-do list and eventually we will feel overwhelmed and give up on everything.

Some of us have trouble keeping the house clean and let clutter take over. Clutter keeps us distracted and unable to focus. We spend too much time trying to keep up with stuff. We have enough to take care of with just the basics. This is why I endorse the minimalism lifestyle. Keep only what you use, need, or adore and get rid of the rest. Check out my Pinterest board on simplifying your life here. 

Yesterday, the front of a drawer just dropped off and - instead of getting upset, I just laughed. 

"Another thing to fix and add to the to-do list". 

When I found the wood glue, turns out it had all hardened and was no longer usable. Another trip to Home Depot....Just put it on the never-ending to do list. 

Perhaps you have trouble managing your finances. Or getting to the gym. These are all habits we have to incorporate into our daily lives because they form the foundation of a healthy and balanced life. Procrastination keeps us from exerting the EFFORT to take control of our lives. Nobody ever "FEELS" like doing the work but if we wait to "feel" motivated, well you know how that goes. 

We use excuses such as "I don't feel like it", "I'm too tired", "I'll do it tomorrow", "I'm too busy". Do any of these resonate? The answer, friend, is discipline and don't tell me you don't have it, because you ABSOLUTELY DO!

Procrastination is a bad habit you can conquer. 

2.  Distraction
You've decided today is the day you are going to declutter your office. You have good intentions and you start off with good momentum. Then you think of someone you want to call and pick up the phone. Or you get bored and mindlessly wander into the fridge or cupboard for a snack. Or you pop on over to some social media platform just to see "what everybody else" is doing. 

Distractions come in many forms all designed to keep us from accomplishing our goals and moving forward in life.  Distractions take us out of the present moment. Some distractions are playing games on our phones, watching television, working on the computer., shopping. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these, except when we turn to them instead of focusing on our goals and dreams instead. Check out my Pinterest board on mindfulness here. 

3.  Rationalization
I had a friend who kept saying she's on a diet and wants to lose weight yet every time we go out to eat, she says "I deserve this" or "I'll start my diet tomorrow". Working hard at the office all day is not a reason to overeat when you get home at night. Nor is the fact that you broke up with your boyfriend or the fact that you don't have a boyfriend. If you want the confidence to attract a boyfriend, stop rationalizing. 

So let's talk about stress for a minute. We all have it and we are each responsible for managing it so it doesn't spill out onto other people, but sadly, many people have not taken responsibility for managing their stress. Just watch the nightly news. Or the guy at the local gas station. Or your idiot boss. 

We can all come up with ideas to rationalize our actions yet all that does is keep us stuck right where we are. If we want to transform our lives, we must prioritize our goals and values over our negative thoughts.  

4.  Condemnation
Okay, so I said I was going to lose weight this week and once again, I head for the cheese and crackers or the wine or the ice ceam or the chocolate. I keep going back to the food issue because many of us struggle with it. I know I do.

These are just examples of how we can derail ourselves by our own choices and lack of commitment and awareness. Notice I did not say will power. Will power will only get us so far. We have to make a firm commitment to our goal to keep on track AND we have to stay mindful.

Emotions can have a powerful impact on our ability to say "No". We all fall off the wagon from time to time, but what is worse is beating ourselves up about our slip-ups. When we guilt ourselves, we decrease our resolve to start again fresh the next day. Eventually we will capitulate by saying "What's the use?" and resign ourselves to our condition. How we use self-talk plays a huge part in our success or failure. 

Instead of beating yourself up, give yourself some grace. Say "Well, today I didn't do so well on my diet. I'll do better tomorrow," then go for a walk. Feed yourself faith and hope instead of despair and condemnation. Every day is not going to be easy. Every day is not going to be successful. Yet there will be successful days if we keep at it and eventually the successful days will outnumber the unsuccessful days. We will conquer that mountain and imagine how amazing you are going to feel when you do!

For Reflection

Which of these four thinking patterns do you succumb to? What excuses do you make? How do you treat yourself after a slip up? Awareness is the first step to change and I hope this post has helped you become aware of some patterns that may be holding you back. To learn more on this topic, get your copy of my short ebook, "Take Back Your Life: 5 keys to reclaim your personal power" and do leave an honest review.

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly newsletter plus a copy of my free e-guide "How to Develop a Spiritual Practice." This ebook is designed to help you establish new habits to grow spiritually and emotionally which are the basis of a peaceful and joyful life. Get your copy now. 

I invite you to pop on over to Pinterest and check out all the interesting stuff I have gathered there on a variety of topics such as health and wellness, fitness and exercise, cooking, travel, beauty, mindfulness, motivation and more. 

Stay tuned for more practical and positive wisdom so you can ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

How to Set Better Boundaries

What stresses you out? I don't know about you, but certain people stress me out. And most of them are family members. Sadly. I find myself ruminating on how I could have/should have handled situations differently during the day. The answer is always "set better boundaries" and that is the topic I'm sharing on today. 

Boundaries are HUGE in regards to limiting the stress in our lives. Just because someone is a family member, doesn't mean we always have to say "yes" to them or agree with them. It doesn't mean we have to ALLOW - say ALLOW - poor behavior. We can have our OWN opinions even if they disagree with us or tell us otherwise. And we deserve to be treated with RESPECT AND KINDNESS. 

Since one of the goals of this blog is to help us to find more harmony in our lives, it is important to realize that stress also comes from taking too much c--- from other people. Pardon my french. Today we'll be talking about how to reduce the stress caused by other people by setting firmer boundaries. 

If we want  more peace in our lives, we MUST learn:
 a) to minimize or eliminate the stressors from our lives 
 b) how to deal with people a healthier way and
 c) set firmer boundaries sooner

I bet you'll agree a lot of stress comes from other people - usually those who are related to us or are emotionally connected such as a spouse, a boyfriend, a son or daughter, a close friend.

Are You Too Nice?

It doesn't matter who in your life is causing you stress.  For years, I have allowed too much c--p from boyfriends, relatives, ex-husband, and close friends and it has been very unhealthy for me. Poor boundaries are usually at the crux of the problem. This was a tough lesson for me to learn and I keep getting  refresher courses. 

Perhaps like me you've been told "You're too nice". Nice people get hurt - a lot. Until we get to the breaking point and declare "Enough is enough." So what to do about people who cause you stress? Here are 8 tips to put into practice starting today.

1. Tell the other person how you feel. 
Yes, it takes vulnerability to express our hurts, but it also is a sign of self-respect and shows a willingess to want to improve the relationship if it is to move forward. People are not mind-readers. Many times the other person is oblivious to how their behavior is impacting us so it is up to us to make them aware.
 
The difficulty here is that some people are not emotionally mature enough to hear you. Don't be surprised if they get defensive, raise their voice, or get angry.

Personal Story 

Several years ago, I confronted a long time friend who had divulged a confidence to her entire family and who knows who else. When I asked her about it, she got very defensive and retorted "Well then, just don't tell me anything anymore!"

What kind of friendship is that? A friendship is built on trust.  She did not take ownership. She did not apologize. People who react this way are not emotionally mature enough to handle direct confrontation. Or they may also be too insecure or prideful to face up to their actions. Don't let this be you. Fess up when you screw up and make amends. It can help you restore a broken relationship. 

If someone really and truly cares about you, they will care about your feelings. They will apologize and take ownership of their behavior. They will offer to make amends and attempt to change going forward. This is what you want if a relationship is to grow. 

2. Refuse to allow bad treatment. 
This might seem obvious, but I am guilty of allowing mistreatment because I valued the relationship more - apparently - than I valued my own well-being and mental and emotional health. I made excuses such as "Well, he's my son" or "He's my husband". Forget it. 

No person has the right to mistreat another either emotionally, physically, or verbally and this includes name-calling, labeling, raising their voice, blaming, and judging. These are all toxic behavior patters that should not be tolerated. It is time to put your foot down and stop allowing them to get away with disrespectful behavior.

This is where boundaries come in. Instead of making excuses for the other person, we need to GET REALLY CLEAR on what we will and will not allow and make that clear to the other party. For example, I told my mom that she needs to calm herself down before she calls me for help. Emotions are contagious. I cannot have her anxiety streaming over to me. To her credit, she learned how to calm herself down most of the time. 

3. Do not tolerate psychological torment and manipulation. 
Since he was a teenager, my oldest son has disconnected from me for months and years at a time. This has been a pattern. Meanwhile, I was an emotional wreck wondering when or if I would hear from him again. This is a form of manipulation and control. When he finally reconnects and I ask him why he disconnected, he never has an answer. Disconnecting for long periods of time is mental manipulation. The Bible says "Do not let the sun go down on your anger," which means deal with issues sooner rather than later. Don't put off confronting but some people are weak and afraid. If someone disconnects from you and you try to make amends but they are not interested, it is in your best interest to LET THEM GO - no matter who it is. Why lose your peace over something you cannot control? 

Do not allow yourself to be imprisoned by another person's immaturity. If people don't want to be in relationship with you - no matter who they are - you don't need them in your life. Period. Let God take care of them while you take care of you. 

4. Clearly communicate the change you want to see or the need you want met. 
This is a very key component to moving forward in a healthier way. Apologies are a nice first step but you cannot have reconciliation without behavior change. Be very clear about what you need from the other person. Some examples are:
"I need you to keep your voice down when you talk to me."
"I need you to be on time when we are going somewhere."
"I need you to not drink so much when we go out."

"I need you to control your temper."

"I need you to be kind to me."

"I need you to stop blaming me for...".

A handy tool to communicate your needs is an "I feel" statement. "I feel threatened and unsafe when you raise your voice to me." Never start a sentence with "You...". This will immediately put the other person on the defensive. Make it about YOUR needs and feelings.

5. Expect the other person to put equal effort into the relationship going forward. 
 Often codependent people put all the work into relationships. We feel it is our responsibility to make a relationship work when in reality, it takes two to make any relationship work. If you feel you are constantly the one to reach out, connect, or try to clear the air, there is something out of balance.

Relationships are a two-way street. The Bible says "Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF." In other words, love YOURSELF first and then love others. Somehow as a codependent, I missed the part about loving myself. 

When we pull back, we allow the other person to step up to the plate. I remember telling my mother this years ago. Her answer was "I didn't know I had to put effort into our relationship." Wow. 

6. Learn to set healthier boundaries.

If we are continually hurt or taken advantage of, half of the responsibility lies with us. People will continue to act out, until we refuse to allow it. We need to know and respect our own limits - what we will and will not tolerate and what makes us feel stressed or pressured. This is where the word "No" is powerful.  Here's a recent personal story to illustrate.

Personal Story 
On a visit with family who live out-of-state, I had the "opportunity" to hear "No" quite a bit. My then 80-something mother refused to let me drive her car. As anyone who has driven with an elderly person knows, their reactions are not quite as timely as they need to be. With all the sudden braking and accelerating, I wound up getting motion sick several times till I finally refused to go anywhere with her unless I drove.  I had to say "No" to her "No". This is called "setting healthy boundaries": say no to any behavior that is hurtful or harmful. To her, driving was a control issue. To me it was a safety and health issue.

7. Put distance between yourself and the other person. 
 If the other person cannot or will not accept your boundaries, then it may be time to give each other some space. This means emotional and physical distance. Give them space and give yourself a breather.

You don't have to be the one putting all the effort into the relationship. Ask yourself how you feel after you've interacted with this person. If you feel stressed, anxious, or depleted this is a sign something needs to change.

By giving each other space, I do not mean months or years. I mean hours or at most, a few days to cool off, calm down, and process. This should not take weeks or months. Unaddressed issues just get worse and distorted over time if not handled in a timely manner. People forget what actually happened. They only remember what they want to remember. It's not good to let unresolved issues linger. 

8. Be willing to give up the relationship.
You've heard the old saying "If you love someone, let them go". If someone keeps repeating the same hurtful behaviors after you've asked them to change, it may be time to let them go, hard as that can be. If they care about you and the relationship they will change their behavior. It may take some time depending on how busy they are or how much energy they have to change. The key is to be strong enough not to keep going back to them unless you see a change in behavior. This goes for addicts and alcoholics but also those charmers who keep luring us back by their manipulative ways. 

Those of us who were raised in an abusive environment have learned to tolerate abuse. Any form of abuse - emotional, physical, or psychological, is UNACCEPTABLE. When we keep going back to someone or letting them manipulate or otherwise intimidate  us, we are in effect saying:
    "It's ok for you to treat me this way" when it absolutely is NOT.

We have to come to the point where we put our well-being and self-respect ABOVE any relationship. We have to learn what is abusive, manipulative, or controlling and set a boundary or leave the relationship. 

Practice makes perfect. 
Well, maybe not perfect, but we will become more aware of when we need to put our foot down. We need to retrain our automatic response from "Yes" to "No". We need to learn to become aware of our feelings of discomfort sooner rather than later. At first, we might feel guilty because we are  accustomed to allowing and making excuses for other people's behavior but the sense of peace and personal power we will feel from saying "No, this is unacceptable" feels so much better.

The verse from scripture that addresses this issue is Matthew 18:18 which says this: "Whatever you bind(forbid) on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatever you loose (allow) on earth, shall be loosed in heaven."  In other words, if we want more peace here on earth, we have to forbid the things that cause us to lose it which includes some people and their behavior.

For Reflection

Who in your life causes you stress? What are their typical tactics? What boundaries can you set with them to protect your peace? What is holding you back from setting better boundaries? 

If you want more peace and less stress in your relationships, I encourage you to implement these tips. You will be amazed at how empowered and peaceful you will feel and you will begin the process of taking back your life.

If you want to learn more about taking back your life, order a copy of my book, "Take Back Your Life: 5 Keys to Reclaiming Your Personal Power" available at your favorite online bookseller or thru me at a discount. Simply use Zelle to email me (arielpaz08@gmail.com)  $3.99 and learn how to get your power back. 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. In addition to my weekly posts, you'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "How to Develop a Spiritual Practice". It's a short read that will help you start a daily practice to look inward and upward. 

For more on these and other topics of interest such as cooking, health and wellness,  decluttering, and a whole lot more, follow me on Pinterest.  

Stay tuned for more insights to help you find healing, wholeness, and harmony and enjoy the life you deserve!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

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