The human tendency is to want to control. If you were raised in a chaotic home environment like I was, control becomes a coping mechanism to help us manage our lives. This learned behavior then spills over into other areas. We often don't realize we are controlling until someone points it out to us or we feel stressed out a lot of the time. There are some things we can do to let go of the reins and relax more.
Here are 3 ways we can learn to surrender more:
1. Stop trying to figure everything out.
I think the smarter a person is, the more difficult time they have with this. I have a friend who some might describe as "flighty". She has no problem with control. She doesn't try to figure anything out. The problem there is she doesn't take responsibility for herself. I, on the other hand, am always trying to figure things out. I think it also comes from my being an analyst for 30+ years. I learned that way of thinking on my job. Recently, I have had to unlearn that thinking pattern and learn how to come to grips with not knowing all the answers. It really does take the pressure off when we stop trying to figure everything out.
2. Stop fretting about people and events we can't control.
The trick here is to realize when a situation is not in our control. A neighbor stopped over and launched into a fast-paced tirade about another neighbor's behavior. I said to her "It's not in your control. We can't change other people. Stop worrying about her and focus on yourself." Immediately, I could see her relax. When you get worked up over something, take a breath and ask yourself "Is this something I can control or not?" If the answer is no, let it go.
2. Stop fretting about people and events we can't control.
The trick here is to realize when a situation is not in our control. A neighbor stopped over and launched into a fast-paced tirade about another neighbor's behavior. I said to her "It's not in your control. We can't change other people. Stop worrying about her and focus on yourself." Immediately, I could see her relax. When you get worked up over something, take a breath and ask yourself "Is this something I can control or not?" If the answer is no, let it go.
This also applies to our grown children. Stop using the excuse "Well, I'm a mother and mothers worry." That is an excuse. You do NOT need to worry. Trust God with your kids and let them take responsibility for their choices.
3. Let God call the shots.
Now this one is a bit tougher, I have to admit. Many of us like to be in control. A male neighbor said to me one time "You like to call the shots". I was a bit surprised. "Well, I've been a single parent for most of my life and I'm used to making decisions.", I replied coolly. I think some men have a problem with women who can think for themselves. Sorry, guys.
Things happen in our lives that are out of our control and life takes a dramatic twist. I think these times are opportunities to learn to trust God more. We don't always know where the road is leading, but God does. As the song by Carrie Underwood goes, "Jesus take the wheel,". It's a lesson we all need to learn at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later.
As we close on the topic of letting go, I hope this series has helped you understand more about letting go & control, how to let go, when to let go and the benefits of letting go. Here's one more article you might find helpful on the subject.
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Until next time,
Keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
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