In an ideal world, like we see on the Hallmark commercials, it would be great if everybody got along. If all the food and the turkey turned out perfectly. If the weather was nice but not treacherous. But....
In reality, s--- happens. This year, I had the brussel sprouts in the oven with the oven turned off to keep them warm, and they got overcooked - at least to me. Now I can't help you with your cooking or with the weather, but I can offer some suggestions for your relationships.
Realize tempers can be short.
We can pretend to get along, but if issues aren't discussed and resolved, peace never lasts for long. And for some reason, the holidays seem to be the time when tempers are short. Especially when alcohol is involved.
The easy answer is to distance from each other, but that is not healthy and doesn't resolve anything, or we can choose to work together to come together in harmony and unity.
Name Your Top Priority
The truth is we can make a decision to enjoy the holidays, with or without family around. I have realized that having Jesus at my dinner table is the ultimate goal; not having a house full of people, not impressing guests with my culinary skills, simply having peace.
You and I don't need drama queens, arguments, egos, or conflict on a holiday or any other day of the year for that matter. Nor is it a time to try to resolve issues. That needs to be done before the holidays hit so you can enjoy them together in peace and unity. If family can't control their emotions, it is best to let them celebrate elsewhere. Some of the best holidays have been spent at friends' homes or at home with myself, truly.
People have to make getting along a priority and if they can't or don't then, let them be. This can involve communicating clear boundaries ahead of time so you set the expectations. It's not worth losing your peace and joy just to have people in the house who don't care if they ruin the entire day. So this week, I am sharing 8 tips to help us all keep our peace and our joy during the holidays.
1. Let Go of Expectations
I've always had such a rigid idea of how the holidays were "supposed to be", probably from all those Hallmark commercials. But commercials do not represent reality for the most part and trying to live up to these expectations puts undo pressure on everyone. And who needs more pressure at the holidays?
The past few years, instead of wrangling with a huge turkey, I've made a delicious roaster chicken instead. Something about that chicken gravy and mashed potatoes! Forget tradition or what other people may think. Do what makes you happy.
If your expectations are putting too much pressure on you, let yourself off the hook. Cut back on the decorations, the guests, and the food items. Ask other people to pitch in and bring something. Make life simpler so you can find more peace and enjoy the holidays more.
2. The power of choice.
Happiness, as I say in my book, The Power of Faith, is a choice. We choose what we focus on at any given moment in time. There will always be positives and negatives in our lives, and it is up to us to decide which we will focus on more. I choose to focus on the abundance in my life, rather than the lack. Who is in my life, rather than who is not. My overall good health rather than my aches and pains. Having peace in my home and in my life rather than drama lovers and negative argumentative relatives.
Happiness, as I say in my book, The Power of Faith, is a choice. We choose what we focus on at any given moment in time. There will always be positives and negatives in our lives, and it is up to us to decide which we will focus on more. I choose to focus on the abundance in my life, rather than the lack. Who is in my life, rather than who is not. My overall good health rather than my aches and pains. Having peace in my home and in my life rather than drama lovers and negative argumentative relatives.
We always have options. One year, I stepped out of my comfort zone and rather than celebrate Thanksgiving by myself at home, I went to a singles' event where I knew no one. It was absolutely lovely! In past years, I chose to spend a quiet day in the comfort of my own beautiful home cooking in my newly remodeled kitchen. Thanks to technology we can connect with distant loved ones. We can choose peace rather than drama, especially at the holidays.
3. Focus on your blessings.
Nothing is ever going to be perfect this side of heaven so it is up to us to make heaven here on earth. You are blessed if you have a roof over your head and a place to call home. You are blessed to live in this country and have so many freedoms. You are blessed if you have family and friends around you that get along and even if you don't, you are blessed because Jesus is always with you.
3. Focus on your blessings.
Nothing is ever going to be perfect this side of heaven so it is up to us to make heaven here on earth. You are blessed if you have a roof over your head and a place to call home. You are blessed to live in this country and have so many freedoms. You are blessed if you have family and friends around you that get along and even if you don't, you are blessed because Jesus is always with you.
4. Be a blessing to others.
There are so many ways we can be a blessing to others. For me, writing this blog is a blessing I give to you each and every week. It is a commitment for sure and it wasn't until my later years, I discovered the joy of writing. You, too, have untapped gifts and talents and you are never too old to tap into them.
There are many ways we can give to others this holiday season: donations, food baskets, flowers, invitations to holiday festivities, even a cup of hot coffee or hot chocolate to that lonely person sitting on the bench. Sometimes just a phone call or a card is enough to brighten someone's day. We never know what heartache someone else may be enduring or how lonely someone may be. When we reach out to others, we take our eyes off our situation and focus on someone else's. We become the hands and feet of Jesus.
For Reflection:
This holiday season, my prayer is that you would draw near to the Lord and that he would give you his peace that surpasses all understanding, and surround you with His great love and provision. If you are blessed with a happy family and plenty of loved ones, remember to reach out to someone who may not be so fortunate. If you have plenty of food at your table, share it with someone who may not. We are blessed to be a blessing.
Happy holidays and may the Lord bless you abundantly!
Ariel Paz
This material is copyrighted. All rights reserved.
There are many ways we can give to others this holiday season: donations, food baskets, flowers, invitations to holiday festivities, even a cup of hot coffee or hot chocolate to that lonely person sitting on the bench. Sometimes just a phone call or a card is enough to brighten someone's day. We never know what heartache someone else may be enduring or how lonely someone may be. When we reach out to others, we take our eyes off our situation and focus on someone else's. We become the hands and feet of Jesus.
5. Manage your commitments.
It's easy to feel overwhelmed this time of year. After Thanksgiving, I say "no" to any activity or event that is not Christmas-related. I limit the amount of people I buy gifts for and I have simplified meals and decorations. Done with the perfectionism and trying to outdo myself every year. When we over-commit or over-do we end up exhausted, stressed, and come January, usually sick. Limit your partying and your gift-buying so you don't have to be up at midnight wrapping gifts and then exhausted on Christmas Day. Been there, done that.
6. Think of Others.
The holidays are an especially difficult time for single folks. If you find yourself wanting company on the holidays, reach out and let your friends know so you don't spend the holidays by yourself. Or, if you like to entertain, invite a few people over to your place. Have a pot luck so you don't have to do all the cooking. People are busy so don't expect your friends to be mind-readers. You are giving them an opportunity to be a blessing and to think about others. Holidays are meant to be shared by all and no one needs to be alone if they don't wish to be.
6. Think of Others.
The holidays are an especially difficult time for single folks. If you find yourself wanting company on the holidays, reach out and let your friends know so you don't spend the holidays by yourself. Or, if you like to entertain, invite a few people over to your place. Have a pot luck so you don't have to do all the cooking. People are busy so don't expect your friends to be mind-readers. You are giving them an opportunity to be a blessing and to think about others. Holidays are meant to be shared by all and no one needs to be alone if they don't wish to be.
7. Remember to thank God.
No matter what your situation is, it is important to give thanks to God, the giver of all good gifts. It is important to maintain an attitude of gratitude. When we count our blessings, we don't take things for granted and we appreciate what we have. We get more joy out of the simple pleasures of life such as a good meal, a warm home, a bouquet of flowers, a hot cup of coffee or tea. Gratitude is part of keeping our joy meter high. Give thanks every day several times a day and watch your joy meter sky-rocket.
8. Realize stuff happens.
Try as we might to have a peaceful day, sometimes we just can't avoid it. Someone makes a comment. Or criticizes the food. Or arrives late. Or gets sick. The key is to minimize the impact. If an argument breaks out, try to nip it in the bud. If someone is sick, ask them politely to stay home and recuperate. If someone is unkind, try your best to ignore it, I know it is hard.
But letting ourselves get triggered means WE lose OUR peace. Is it really worth it?
For Reflection:
How did your Thanksgiving go? Smoothly or not so much? What got to you? How can you handle the situation differently next time? Remember this is a spiritual growth blog and so I am asking all of us to grow.
This holiday season, my prayer is that you would draw near to the Lord and that he would give you his peace that surpasses all understanding, and surround you with His great love and provision. If you are blessed with a happy family and plenty of loved ones, remember to reach out to someone who may not be so fortunate. If you have plenty of food at your table, share it with someone who may not. We are blessed to be a blessing.
A special note to those who have experienced loss or change this year, keep the faith. Take good care of yourself, and know that God is with you during this tough time.
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Until next time, stay tuned for our December series to keep us all focused on what truly matter this season.
Until next time, stay tuned for our December series to keep us all focused on what truly matter this season.
Happy holidays and may the Lord bless you abundantly!
Ariel Paz
This material is copyrighted. All rights reserved.
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