Some 124.6 million Americans were single in August, 2014. Now that is quite an impressive statistic. As a long-time divorced lady, I have some experience with what can possibly go wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, we miss the obvious "red flags" because we are a) lonely b)already smitten or c)clueless. As they say, love is blind. So in an attempt to remove the blindfold, and keep my fellow single friends from going through unnecessary pain and angst, today I am going to share 10 signs you may be in the wrong relationship. I am writing from a woman's point of view, but many of these signs can just as well apply to women for my male readers.
1. The guy never has money to pay your way.
You are a treasure, a gift, and your presence deserves to be honored. If a guy always asks you to pay your own way, he may not be able to afford his rent much less you. Time to move on.
2. Your partner tells "little white lies".
I'm sorry, but a lie is a lie. If someone is withholding information or distorting the facts, they are lying. If the person is compelled to not tell the whole truth about small situations, what is going to happen when something big comes up?
3. The person only talks about himself.
Nothing is more boring than to spend an evening listening to a guy go on and on about himself, his accolades, his children, his wealth, ya da ya da ya da. If your date doesn't show an equal amount of interest in you, my dear girl, right from the get go, he is not going to later on. This behavior indicates a possible narcissistic personality and is unhealthy, so run!
4. The guy wants to get you in bed early on.
Ok, I admit I am a bit old school and I know times are changing. However! I still live by my mother's old adage "Why should he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?" Sleeping with a guy is no guarantee he is going to stay with you. In fact, if he is pestering you early on for sex, that is a clear indicator of his true motives. Move on.
5. The guy drinks a lot, smokes a lot, eats a lot, uses drugs or gambles a lot.
These are all addictive behaviors and you are not going to be the one to "fix him". If your beau displays any of these behaviors to excess, again - move on!
6. He can't seem to hold a steady job.
I once dated a guy who had a four-page resume. There was always some excuse why the job didn't work out. You have to ask yourself "What is the common denominator?" Now I don't mean if a poor guy loses his job, you should dump him. What I mean is if the guy has a string of jobs that only last a short time and then he is out looking again, tell him to look in the mirror. You move on!
7. He has a lot of female "friends".
Typically when a guy tells you "She's just a friend," that usually means she is an ex-girlfriend. And if she is still hanging around, she is still interested in him. You want a guy who only has eyes for you, a guy who has long-term relationships. You do not want a playboy, a player, or a Casanova romeo. Unless, of course, you want your heart broken.
8. The guy offers to buy you.
I once was told "If we get together, you'll never have to worry about money again." It was all I could do not to gag. This is a manipulative ploy wealthy men use to get a woman. Any self-respecting female can support herself and does not need to be "taken care of" by a man. Times have changed, and no longer do women look to men to provide for them. Women today are looking for deeper values such as commitment, communication, connection, intimacy and such.
9. Your friend has a critical spirit.
He makes cutting or sarcastic remarks at your expense and then brushes it off by saying "I was only joking with you," or "Can't you take a joke?" Sorry, buddy. No dice. Sarcasm is a sign of insecurity. A secure man will never undermine his lady in any way. It is not funny. It is petty and unacceptable. Again, gals, move on. It will only get worse as time goes by.
10. Your man is already in another relationship.
Last but not least, do not attempt to attract a man who is already dating someone or who is separated. Being separated is still being married. You do not want to be the reason someone's marriage dissolves. If a guy is seeing another woman "on the side", you don't want him. Love triangles only bring heartache and pain. Find someone who is unattached, available, and has had and made time to process their issues from their previous marriage. The last thing you need in a budding romance is drama. If a guy is making eyes at you while he's with another woman, he will be doing the same thing when he's with you. Move on!
Ok, so there you have it. Ten signs you are in the wrong relationship. I'm speaking from personal experience on a lot of these and hope this post has opened your eyes to see if any of these could be true in your relationship. The sooner you spot these signs and get out, the quicker you will be able to move on to find Mr. Wonderful.
When we find the inner power we all possess, we will be more confident in our choices and find the courage to say no to unhealthy situations. Love to hear your thoughts on this post.
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Until next time, keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
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