How to Regain Lost Trust

Trust. It's a powerful word. And a foundational cornerstone to any relationship, business or personal. Trust is crucial to moving forward in life. Often, we lose trust for one reason or another, mostly from hurts from other people. Someone breaks a confidence, someone else lies to us, a partner is not there for us. There are many ways we lose trust. This week, I am sharing on how we lose trust, why it is important to learn to trust again, and how to regain this precious commodity. 

How we learn trust:
In a perfect world, we learn trust in our family of origin. The father is strong, reliable, kind, and present. The kids learn trust from a healthy father-figure. The mom is supportive, empathetic and nurturing. But we do not live in a perfect world. Divorce happens. Alcoholism happens. Somewhere along the line, we get hurt, suffer loss and begin to doubt and question. Someone betrays us, a loved one abandons us or dies, and slowly but surely trust erodes....

People can hide a multitude of problems. We compare our families to others and think "Why can't we be normal like them?" Well, guess what folks? There is no normal. We are all just doing the best we can. There is no perfect family. Based on the rate of divorce and the breakdown of the family unit, I would venture to say that every family has some sort of dysfunction.

Every family has its problems. 
Perhaps you had an alcoholic parent, like I did. As a small child, I worried about whether the rent was going to be paid that month or when my parents would have their next blowout fight. My sister and I learned fear and doubt, instead of faith and confidence. We learned lack instead of provision and anxiety instead of peace.

Maybe you also experienced emotional, physical, or verbal abuse. Perhaps one parent was controlling and the other gave up trying. Did one parent abandon the home either physically or emotionally? There are many, many scenarios of dysfunction and our job is to heal our souls from this emotional pain and learn to trust again, no matter how old we are. 

Part of healing is to be able to trust again. 
It is a slow process but it is possible if we are willing to be vulnerable and have learned good boundaries. Boundaries protect us from the bad behavior of others who try to take advantage of us. We have to learn to protect ourselves because no one else is going to do it for us. And that includes our bodies, our hearts and our finances. We need to learn who to say no to. Trust involves not only trusting others, but also trusting ourselves and ultimately, learning to trust God.

Why trust again?
Why should I expose myself again, you may ask? Why should I risk being hurt? 

Good question.

The answer is because it is impossible to move forward in life without regaining trust. If we don't trust ourselves, we will always doubt our decisions and be fearful of opportunities that present themselves. As a former timid soul, I learned timidity does not serve me. Life will beat us up if we let it and people will take advantage of us so we must learn to be bold and stand up for ourselves. It's a lifelong practice at least for me. 

Trusting Ourselves 
It is important to realize we are not the person we were in the past. Painful situations help us to learn and to grow. We recognize what to watch out for - the red flags - as soon as they appear. We learn about manipulative tactics, lies, and masks. We learn to set healthy boundaries and say no to things that are not good for us. We learn that bad things happen to good people but there is a healing for every hurt. We learn what is good for everyone else is not necessarily good for us. 

Trusting Others
If we don't learn to trust others, we will live isolated, anxious lives and continue to attract untrustworthy people. We receive what we expect. We learn to trust others by slowly giving them opportunities to prove themselves trustworthy. When someone hurts us they need to not only apologize, but show us they have changed so they can be trusted again. When we get to the point where we can trust others, we are then ready to take the next step, and that is to trust God.

Trusting God 
God is not out to get us. He is a good Father. If you're like me and didn't have a reliable father, this may be a foreign concept, but God is trustworthy. He is always there and he keeps his word. God can be trusted. If we refuse to trust Him, we will develop a victim mentality and believe the lie that the universe is against us. We will continue to live anxious, fearful lives. This mindset will block the many blessings that have our name on them.

Benefits of learning to trust
The more we learn to trust, the less anxiety we will experience. We will not bear the pressure of having to figure everything out all the time. We will lose the need to control situations and we will feel more secure in our daily lives. When we realize God, who lives in each of us, is guiding us, we will stop second-guessing ourselves. We will feel more confident in our decisions and we will be empowered to step out and try new things. When we learn to trust, trustworthy people will begin to show up in our lives. We will let go of emotionally unhealthy people no matter who they are. 

For Reflection
Which area do you have the most trouble trusting? Yourself? Others? God? Take some time to reflect on this question and then ask yourself what one small step can you take to trust more? 

Stay tuned for more on this important topic in my new forthcoming book on spiritual and emotional growth. 

If you found this post helpful and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts plus a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". Do follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook and check out my many Pinterest boards on a wide-variety of topics too. You're sure to find some interesting stuff. 
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Stay tuned for more on finding healing, wholeness and harmony to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Make Your Dreams Come True - Step 4

Are you getting what you want from life? Seeing your goals and dreams come true? Or do you feel like it's never going to happen for you and time is just going by not seeing much progress? Well, today I am here to encourage you by sharing 3 key principles I've used many, many times so I know they will work for you too. Let's jump in. 

Personal Story 

When I was a child, I created what might be called a vision board these days. Basically, you make 5 categories and list the things you want to do, have, visit, become in life. I don't remember exactly what the categories were, but I can tell you this - most of what I put on that board have become realities in my life. 

I've traveled to dream places like Mexico, Paris, Portugal, Argentina, and Africa. I've ridden a camel. Created this blog. Written three books and created a cookbook. Gone to college and obtained my master's degree - something unusual in my family or origin. Learned multiple languages. I'm not trying to brag here. I'm just sharing examples of dreams and goals of mine that have come true following these three principles so you can see that they truly do work. So now let's talk about the fourth step to igniting the power within so you can fulfill YOUR destiny and see your dreams come true. 

                    

  

Realize You are in Charge

No matter where you are in life, you are in charge. Your daily decisions determine your future. As my youngest son said to me a few years back, 

    "Mom, you are driving the bus." 

    "Wow," I thought. "He is absolutely right. I am driving the bus." 

When we realize this truth, it empowers us to take bold action. Instead of letting things ride, waiting for "God" to make things happen, having a defeatist/victim attitude, or settling for less than our best life, we are driving the bus.  

Only You know what is best for you

For much of my younger life, I let other people drive my bus. Big mistake. I let my mother dictate who I married. I let my spouse dictate what type of career to pursue. Two of the major life decisions and I turned them over to other people. After the divorce, I let the boyfriends influence my activities and time.

Yes, I was a people-pleaser. For sure, but not any more. I have learned to listen to myself, my feelings, my desires and pursue what brings me joy and fulfillment. It took a tremendous amount of courage to leave a stable job and a good salary, but I took a leap of faith and am I ever glad I did. This is our destiny - to dream BIG and to follow our dreams, to pursue a better life for ourselves and our families no matter where we are in life. It is never too late and we are never too old to start a new journey. 

The Effort is Worth it
That being said, we have to put forth effort to fashion a life we will be happy with, and to change what needs to be changed in order to see our goals and dreams come true. I studied hard in high school so I could get scholarships to go to college. I sold my car so I could go to France to study. I faced an ugly divorce so I would have more peace in my life. I worked hard at a demanding career so I could support my two sons as a single mom. I got up at 5 am every morning to get my run in before work to stay in shape. I went to night school to get a Masters degree thinking it would help with our financial situation. Effort is required if we want to see progress. This goes for every area of our lives: our health, our relationships, our finances, and our futures.

Each day presents us with opportunities to move forward and it is up to us to take advantage of them. If we want to see progress, we need to work dutifully and diligently towards our goals and dreams. You know the old saying "Slow and steady wins the race." We need to be clear about what we want our life to look like down the road. If we don't have a clear vision, five - ten years from now we will still be where we are today and that is not progress. 

The fourth step to igniting the power within is a 3-pronged approach which involves the biblical principle of learning to ask, seek, and knock.

1. Overcome the fear of asking 
Some of us have a bit of trouble asking for what we want, be it from God or some human being. The first part of this process is to overcome the fear of asking.

For many years, it was hard for me to ask for what I wanted because I was afraid to speak up. Then I realized timidity was not working for me. I needed to be more assertive and ask for what I wanted and needed both from people and from God.

Singles, in particular, struggle with this. How many times does a guy pass up an opportunity to go out on a date with a pretty girl simply because he's afraid to ask her out? Or a relationship breaks up because one person doesn't speak up for their needs? If we are unhappy in a relationship, we expect the other person to be a mind-reader. If we are unfulfilled in our job, we expect our boss to promote us. We have to learn to ask.

Our spouse is not a mind-reader nor is our boss. The pretty girl is not a mind-reader either. If we are unhappy with our lives, it us up to us to take the first step and ask ourselves what we need and then ask others and God for what we want.

2. Make the effort to seek.
We all have problems. Some of them are hard to resolve, but this step encourages us to put the effort to try to resolve things. We need to be really deliberate in finding the correct solution. I have found that difficult problems require a lot of research to find the root cause. We can't just ask the doctor, pop the pill, or expect things to resolve on their own or worse, sweep them under the rug and pretend there is no problem. 

If you're having relationship problems, go to a counselor or two or three, till you find one that fits. If you want to buy a house, go house hunting on your free time and save money for a down payment. Get out of debt. Same thing goes for finding a spouse. We might have to kiss quite a few frogs before we find Prince or Princess Charming. If you need income, go look for a better job. We in America live in the land of opportunity. If you want to write a book, start writing. If we have a health issue, we need to do our own research. We know our bodies better than anyone else. Don't make the mistake of trusting doctors who are only trained in certain areas and don't have the time to go into much depth with their patients. And don't take the easy pop-a-pill way out either. That's simply a band-aid. 

3. Keep knocking. 
This step is related to step two and means exploring different options till we find the right one. This applies to relationships, jobs, and our health. People in sales know this. Earnest job-seekers know this. Successful people know this.  If one approach does not work, try something new. We learn that each closed door brings us one step closer but eventually a door will open to new opportunities, new ways of thinking, and answers to prayer. 

This 3-pronged approach is a fundamental process to igniting the power we each have to move forward in life. When we master this process, we will move past obstacles that have kept us stuck often for years. 

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of implementing this principle on a daily basis. Too many people try for while and then give up. No! We have to keep at it. This practice  develops perseverance and determination. It strengthens our character as well as well as our backbone. If we want to see changes in our lives, we must be willing to persevere, even when we don't see anything happening. 

For Reflection:

What goal have you been trying to achieve? Which of these principles can you apply to move forward? What goal have you given up on that you would like to see become a reality?

If you enjoyed this post, please share with a friend.  If you'd like to join our community and receive my weekly posts, enter your email address in the box provided.  You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

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Stay tuned to learn more on how to ignite the power within and discover your DESTINY!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Make More Joy this Season

Welcome to the third week of Advent. This week the focus is on the gift of Joy. It seems to be a buzzword these days. Everybody is looking for more joy but most don't know where to find it. News flash - Joy comes from God! Joy is an inner delight that springs up like a fountain of fresh water despite our circumstances. Let's take a minute and go back to that heavenly night long ago.....

Let's Go Back a Moment 

The shepherds are going about their business of tending their sheep in the dark of the night. When lo and behold, a star appears in the sky and soon angels appear and begin heralding the news of the birth of the Messiah. Imagine the great JOY they must have felt! Intrigued, they follow the star to the place where Mary had just given birth. How do you feel when you see a newborn baby? Imagine if you knew it was the Son of God. 

Back to the Present

The holidays are upon us. Are you feeling it yet? I know the year has been a rough one for several reasons, so this week I am hoping to help you cook up some joy this season. 

We're supposed to be filled with joy but -- sometimes -- joy is hard to come by. Lots of things can try and steal our joy, if we let them: a strained relationship, an illness, a job loss. The list is endless. So today, in this third week of Advent, I am here to cheer you up and help you cook up some joy in your life.

Food and festivities are plentiful this time of year and everyone has a favorite dish or recipe they look forward to. I love hearing what different cultures do for the holidays.  An Italian neighbor of mine makes 500 homemade ravioli every year for her extended family. My oldest loves stromboli and Caesar salad. Greeks make powdered sugar cookies with a clove in the middle. Americans love their eggnog and pecan pie.

Today I'd like to share with you a favorite recipe of mine. I found it in a very old "cook" book known as the Bible. All the ingredients for a happy, healthy, and successful life can be found within its pages.

So if you'd like to cook up some joy this season, follow this simple recipe:

1. Remember you are a unique and one of a kind individual. There is no one else on earth like you and God adores you! (Ps. 139:14)
2. Add a touch of kindness towards others.  This helps us get out of our self-absorbed world and into someone else's shoes. (See Eph. 4:32)
3. Add a hefty dose of prayer to cover everything that is on your mind.(Phil. 4:6)
4. Remove any seeds of worry, fear, negativity, anger, or unforgiveness.(Eph. 4:31) 
5. Stir in positive thoughts about what is true, lovely, noble, pure and helpful.

(See Phil. 4:8)
6. Mix well until you feel peace simmering within.(See John 14:27)
7. Wait for joy to bubble up. True joy is a gift from God and when we are at living at peace with ourselves and God, joy bubbles up like a fountain. (See Romans 15:13)
8. Sprinkle generously with thanksgiving. Be thankful for your many blessings and then turn around and serve a blessing to others. (Phillipians 4:)

No one has a perfect life. It may look like they do from their Facebook or TikTok posts but everyone is fighting some kind of battle. However, we can choose joy despite our circumstances. If you are reading this, chances are you have a roof over your head, a decent income, and plenty of food on your table. That is a lot to be joyful about.

For Reflection 

Joy is the third gift of Christmas. Are you feeling joyful these days? If not, what is stealing your joy? Can you look at things from a different perspective? There is always another way to see things. 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts plus a copy of my FREE eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path ." 

Give this recipe a try and watch joy bubble up in you! 

Stay tuned for more on healing, wholeness, and harmony to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny.

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

3 Steps to a Better Relationship with God and Others

Do you sometimes feel disconnected from others? Far from God?  Your Higher Power? If so, you're not the only one. We all struggle with these times of seeming isolation and loneliness, even the married folk among us. It is in these times that it is even more important to turn inward and listen to that still small voice. 

Sometimes God allows these dry periods so we can come into a more intimate relationship with Him. We may not know exactly how to go about it so today I'm sharing three steps to developing a closer relationship with God.

Personal Story 
I was at a good friend's wedding having dinner, when a gentleman at our table shared that he had read my book, "The Power of Faith". He said he wished he had the same type of faith to help him get through the trials in his life and asked me if I thought if it was possible for anyone to develop a strong faith.

"Absolutely", I replied without a moment's hesitation.

In fact, God promises us this: "You will seek and find me when you search for me with all your heart," (Jer. 29:13). Just as healthy earthly parents want a good relationship with their kids, so our heavenly Father wants a close relationship with us. In the same way, if we want an intimate close relationship with another person or with God, we must be intentional about it.

"Well, how do you do that?" my typically shy and reserved friend inquired.

Now I know many of us are stuck in this sensory, material world we live in. If we can't see, feel, hear, touch, or smell it, we don't believe it exists. God does exist only in another reality - the spiritual realm and, as spiritual beings, we have to get comfortable operating in this realm as well. The good news is the same steps we take when we are serious about getting to know someone are the same steps we can use in developing a relationship with God.

1. Have an open heart.
Just as when we begin to fall in love with another person and believe they want a relationship with us, the same applies to God. We have to believe in our heart that it is possible to have a deeper relationship with God, that He loves you deeply, and wants to have an intimate relationship with you. God wants to connect you, just as much as the spiritual part of you wants to connect with Him. Once we let this truth permeate our minds, we open the doors for an amazing adventure.

2. Spend more time together.
Getting to know God is much the same as getting to know another person. When we make it a priority to spend time with someone, we get to know them at a deeper level. We come to know who they are, their likes and dislikes, their values, how they think. We each have our own way of spending time with God. Some of us like to take a walk by ourselves, go for a hike or a bike ride in nature. Others prefer to listen to relaxing music or work in the garden. Still others find God in a communal approach such as a church setting or a meditation group. Whatever puts you in a calm and receptive state of mind is conducive to meeting with God.

3. Learn how God feels and thinks about things.

In the same way we get to know another person by learning how he or she thinks and feels, we can get to know who God is. He is not some illusive being out there yonder. He is up close and personal. He wants to make himself known to us, to speak to us, and guide each of us - personally. 

These days, when we want to find out information about someone, we do a Google search and look them up on the Internet. We can do the same thing with God, believe it or not. We go to a reliable source and seek information. In fact, God has put much information about himself, his thoughts, his desires, and his ways of operating in one collection of books known as the Bible. 

Now I know many people have a problem with the Bible, saying it's old and antiquated but the truth is not much has changed in the way of relationships and human nature since it was written. And for sure, God has not changed. At all. 

Side note. Did you know that the way experts determine the validity of a manuscript is by how many copies there are of it? Did you know that the Bible is one of, if not the most copied manuscript in history?

When we make time to read Scripture, we learn who God is, what He thinks, and what is important to him. We also open up the channel of communication with Him to speak to us. You will be amazed when you start reading the Word, how some passage will jump right out at you and you will know that it is meant for you. Try it and see!

"One more thing," I said to my friend. "Ask God to reveal Himself to you, and He will." My friend smiled and nodded.

For Reflection

Do you - like Jacob in the Bible - struggle to find God? Do you desire to have a better communion with your Higher Power? Are you willing to put time into your relationship with others? the Divine? 

So there you have it, friends: three steps to developing a deeper relationship with God. Do post a comment, and feel free to share this with a friend or send me a question. If you'd like to join our blog community and receive my weekly newsletter, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll also receive my free guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". And be sure to pop on over to my Pinterest boards and check out all the cool stuff I have collected for you. And do check out my collection of books on faith and spiritual growth here. 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you ignite the power within so you can discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

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How to Make Love a Reality this Season

As we enter the last week of Advent, amidst the frenzy of gift-buying and gift-giving, let us focus on the greatest gift of all - the gift of Love. Contrary to Hollywood movies and popular interpretation, love is not a feeling nor is it something that just hits you all of a sudden. Nor is it to be confused with with sexual attraction, chemistry, or lust. 

True enduring Love is an action and a choice we make on a daily basis, sometimes and often despite how we feel.  Now that may come as a shock to some of you but love is not simply or solely a matter of feelings. Many people get divorced because they just don't "feel" it anymore, but that is not what true Love is all about. 

Love is a daily decision and a conscious choice. It is a choice the Lord God made two thousand years ago to send his one and only Son to be born in human form to eventually die a criminal's death on the cross  - for you and for me. This week's post is dedicated to understanding this great gift of Love and what it means to us today. 

Imagine this scene for a moment: a couple and their newborn child huddle together in a stable filled with the sights and sounds of animals, hay, and probably some other not so pleasant things since there was no room for them at the inn. Instead of family and friends, they are encircled by strangers, cows, and pigs, in a land of poverty and persecution. Instead of fancy trees decorated with ribbons and lights, they are surrounded by stars and the light of the Heavenly Host. There are no beautifully wrapped gifts under a tree. No tables laden with food galore. There is no hustle and bustle, just a calm peace and the quiet of this Holy Night. They are surrounded by the warmth of Love and Wonder and Awe.

Despite the harsh conditions, the lack of shelter, and being far from family and loved ones, there is a peace that surpasses all understanding because they are surrounded by the Love and presence of God.

And so are you and I.  No matter who is mad at us, who has wronged us, who has rejected us or who is absent, whether we are married, single, or widowed, God is with us.  His name, Emmanuel means just that: God with us. Jesus understands the loneliness of being single, the sadness of loss, and the grief of the death of a beloved friend or relative. Despite how we may feel, we are never alone, just as Mary and Joseph were not alone. 

Whatever our situation, God is near. The question this season is: will we let the peace and the joy of what God has done for us soften our hardened hearts and heal our broken places? Will we draw closer to the Christ child and receive his precious gift of Love this season? And then, will we show this love to others even though they don't show it back to us? This is the love - the sacrificial love - that God showed us that silent night, not expecting anything in return. 

When the burdens of this life seem overwhelming, when we feel hopeless, alone, and rejected, we can remember Jesus felt this way too.  His answer was to get alone with God. Our answer is the same, not do more to numb ourselves from the pain, but to stop completely, to be still, and to reconnect with the presence of the Holy One. He is our rest and our refreshment. He is our peace and our joy and He wants nothing more from us than to make time to be with Him so that He can wrap us in his outstretched arms of love us and reveal himself to us once again.

For Reflection 
God loves us so very much that He sent his only Son, Jesus, to be born in a manger, to bring us the true gifts this world so desperately needs: hope, peace, joy and love. So I ask you, friend, will you pause to experience the presence of the Holy One this season? Will you make this holiday a little more peaceful and a little less stressful on yourself? It can be done, truly. It is simply a choice. And it starts with remembering that you are surrounded by Love.

If you enjoyed this and would like to join our community to receive my weekly posts enter your email in the box provided. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Wishing you a most blessed, peaceful and joyful Christmas!

Until next time, remember to keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

Ignite the Power Within Step 2: 5 Ways to Enjoy a Life Without Limits

There’s a lot of talk these days about living the abundant life. What does that really mean though – “the abundant life”? Does it mean having a million dollars? Finding the perfect mate? Living a life of ease and pleasure? A single friend who is going through a rough time, said to me the other day “I just want the abundant life.”  Having recently been through some very challenging circumstances myself, I have pondered the concept of the abundant life and so I thought I’d share the answer that came to me. It might surprise you as it did me.

Life can be rough at times and the seasons can seem like an eternity. Singles have it particularly tough as there is no one beside them to help carry the load.  Many singles have a tendency to try to go it alone, but, as I encouraged my friend, we all need someone.  No man (or woman) is an island.

An Inspirational Life 
When we start to feel down in the dumps, it helps to think about those who are less fortunate. We all know people living in dire circumstances, working at a menial job,  who still have a smile on their face and a spring in their step. Nick Vujicic is one of several paraplegics in wheelchairs who are great contributors to society, travel the world, and speak to thousands. He has no limbs. No arms and no legs. Imagine what his life must have been like at the beginning. 

Take a look at this video see what this man has endured and what he has become. http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=nick+vujicic+life+without+limbs+video&FORM=VIRE5#view=detail&mid=DFD399391E38C99F29E1DFD399391E38C99F29E1

Change Your Attitude 

If it is possible for people in these circumstances to be joyful, content, and productive, could it be that the abundant life has more to do with our perspective rather than our circumstances?

Jesus said “I have come so that you may have life and have it more abundantly,” (John 10:10). I believe that to mean he came so we can live a life of healing, wholeness, and harmony.  Times of adversity are allowed into our lives for a purpose: to strengthen us, to teach us, and to heal us emotionally and spiritually. We are then free to follow our dreams and discover our destiny.

When the flames of adversity seem to engulf us on every side, we have a choice to make. We can either become angry, bitter, and resentful or we can ask ourselves this question: “What am I supposed to be learning here?”  Yes, I know the tendency is to want to point the finger at other people: what they are doing wrong, how insensitive they are, why they don’t make more time for us, ya da ya da. But when we expend all our energy focusing on other people’s issues, we don’t have any left to focus on ours. I don’t know about you, but I want to learn the lesson so I don’t have to repeat the grade.

Break the Cycle 
When we ask the question “What am I supposed to be learning here?” be prepared to take a good hard look in the mirror. The reflection may not be so pretty. 
The key to breaking the cycle is:
1) to surrender to/accept what is and 
2) to learn whatever lessons are being presented

It is up to us whether or not we choose to learn those lessons. We can be stubborn and refuse to change in which case, we will keep getting the lesson over and over again. Or we can push our egos out of the way, make whatever changes we need to make and move forward in life. I believe life is about the growth and development of our souls and trials have a purpose which is to purify us, to grow us up and to remove the imperfections in our minds and make us whole. 

It is possible to live the abundant life, no matter what our circumstances may be. When we learn to view trials as stepping stones to a better tomorrow, they will be less difficult to endure. When we understand that there is a purpose to the pain, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

To summarize, here are a few techniques I’ve learned over the years that have helped me to live an abundant life, despite trying circumstances and I know they will help you too:

1. Learn to be thankful for our blessings and also for the trials and difficulties we encounter.
2. Live to give. Find some way to give back, sow a seed, help someone else. This is a main reason why I have been writing these blog posts all these years. It is my small way to give back. 
3. Expect victory. Know that God is on our side and He is faithful to bring us through every situation  better, stronger, and more aware than we were before.
4.  Keep our joy. When we lose our joy, we lose our strength to persevere. God is the source of our  joy and when we keep our focus on him, we can be joyful  even during the trials of life.
5. Look for the good. I believe there is always a positive outcome from negative circumstances. When we change our perspective and put on our spiritual glasses, we will see it.

If this post has helped you in some way, please leave a comment below. It means a lot to me to hear from you. If you'd like to join our blog community, enter your email address in the box provided. I will send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  And if you know someone who needs a lift, do send them the link to this page.

Until next time, stay tuned for more on how to ignite the power within and remember, 

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

7 Tips for Feeling Loved as a Single

Some questions should never be asked. "Why are you still single?" is one of them.

Hint: if you are married, NEVER ask this question of a single friend unless you no longer want to have them as a friend. As part of our series on relationships, today I am sharing some tips to encourage those of us who are single for whatever reason and at whatever age. 

Let's face it - we live in a couples' world. Everything is set up based on two people. This fact came home pretty hard this past week.

I received an offer in the mail for a free vacation, airfare and hotel, for two. Excitement started to percolate as I thought about the possibilities of where I would like to travel. I called the number on the letter, got all the information and decided I was willing to endure the 90 minute spiel to get the free tickets. It was about then that the marketer asks the question:

"Are you married or cohabitating?"

"No, I am not married or cohabitating," I replied.

"Well then, I apologize, but we cannot extend this offer to you. It's only for couples."

Bummer.

Now I know many married folks would love to be single again. However, as glamorous and exciting as it may seem, being single is not all that easy or glamorous. The full load of all life's responsibilities falls squarely on one person's shoulders and that is quite a hefty burden to bear. Take heart, friends.You are not alone and, as a long-time single, I am here to tell you it is possible to survive and thrive as a single regardless of whether Mr. or Ms. Right ever comes along. 

Below are 7 tips I've learned over the years that help me focus on the positives when my mind wants to focus on the negatives of the single life.

1. Be thankful for our singleness.
Yes, I know it is difficult at times, but as a happily divorced lady, I can tell you being single is a heck of a lot better than being in a bad marriage - by far! No relationship is worth losing your health or your peace and a bad relationship will steal both. The Apostle Paul was single and he endured some pretty rough times, but he was used mightily by God and I think that is one of the reasons God allows certain people to be single - to have the time to serve Him. Phil 4:11 says this: "I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in."  Be thankful for your lot in life, whatever your circumstances and you will enjoy each day more and more. 

2. Remember how much God loves YOU.
One of the main keys to feeling truly loved no matter what our status is, is to realize how much God truly loves us.  Having been abandoned by loved ones more times than I wish to recall, I know now that God's love is unfailing. He shows me his love through friends, unexpected surprises, through his provision and through his grace. Yes, it hurts when people abandon us, but it doesn't have to crush us. People have their own issues to deal with. I've heard it said that hurting people hurt others. 

Instead of focusing on how much someone hurt you, realize they are acting out of their own hurts, fears, and insecurities. Now I am by no means implying anyone should put up with abusive behavior. Try focusing instead on how much God loves and cares for you. Look for the blessings in your life. I say "Thank you, Lord" quite a lot these days. No matter who walks out of your life, God will always be right by your side and he will send someone to be there for you as well. 

3.  Remember that God has a plan for each of us.
Sometimes it takes years for God's plan to be revealed. Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the lessons we each need to learn and how long it takes us to learn them. Discover your gifts and begin using them for the glory of God to serve other people. We each have gifts and when we get out of our self-centered selves to focus on other people's needs, we will be filled with joy, purpose, and have less time to have a pity party.

4. Make space.
Clean out your house, your garage, your closets. Get counseling to get rid of your old emotional baggage. Develop a spiritual practice. In other words, get rid of all the material and emotional clutter.  Many singles I know are out every night of the week partying or working so much they have no time to heal themselves so they will be ready for a significant other. If you want God to bring you a partner, you best heal yourself first and then make sure you have the time and energy to devote to him or her.

5. Don't settle.
Now I know many of you, gals in particular, feel like the clock is ticking. Every time some guy asks me how old my kids are I think "Here we go again...". I tell them straight up. I don't believe in hiding information. The truth is going to come out sooner or later and better to deal with issues up front than after you become emotionally attached. Mr. Right will love you for who YOU are and accept your kids whole-heartedly. If he doesn't then he is not your Mr. Right. Next!

6. Trust God's timing.
It's easy to take things into our own hands and try to make things happen on our own timetable. I tried that when I was approaching my 50th birthday. I had a goal to be engaged by the time I was 50, but the guy I was dating at the time turned out to be a liar and a jealous jerk. I broke up with him right before the big bash. When the DJ at my party asked why I was not dating anyone since I "had it all", I answered "Life is too short for drama and conflict." He agreed. 

God sees the big picture for your life. He is working behind the scenes preparing other people. Focus on healing yourself and becoming the best person you can be. The more issues you clear out of the way beforehand, the smoother your relationship with Mr/Ms Right will be when they show up. 

7. Realize singleness is a blessing, not a curse. 
Not everyone can handle being single. Singleness requires a lot of faith, strength, confidence, and responsibility. It takes guts and courage. Singleness is not something to be ashamed of, it is something to be proud of. Singleness is a gift from God. Not everyone can handle the responsibilities of singlehood. 

There are a lot of married folk out there who would love to be single and have the freedom we singles enjoy. We can cook or not cook. We can come home to a quiet peaceful, clean house. We don't have to deal with another person's moods and fits. We have the whole bed to ourselves. We have more time to be a blessing to others and to pursue our personal and spiritual growth. Not a bad lot, I'd say. 

For Reflection:

Are you longing to be married? Do you think something is wrong with you because you are not? What can you focus on to make yourself a better you? Who can you reach out to serve?

Life is about growing and learning to love and serve others and there are plenty of opportunities to do both regardless of whether we are married or single. Often we think another person will make us happy and complete our lives, but this is simply not true. We must make ourselves happy. Don't put that burden on someone else.

I hope this post helped give you a different perspective on relationships and singleness. Pass it along to one of your single friends and consider joining our community by entering your email address in the box provided.  You'll receive my weekly posts and a copy of my free, newly revised ebook entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

No matter what our marital status may be, each day is a gift so live and enjoy it to the max and remember to be a blessing!

Stay tuned for more igniting the power within and discovering YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

All rights reserved. If you wish to use this material, contact me at arielpaz08@gmail.com

4 Stages of Attraction: What Makes a Man Attractive to a Woman

Frustrated with the dating scene? Tired of not being able to connect with someone? The problem is the same for both sexes so a bit of education might be helpful. Last week, we talked about the four stages of attraction for men. This week I'm going to share the four stages of attraction that women go through when they meet a man. They are indeed very different from the order in which men are attracted to women so let's go ahead and find out what they are.

Level #1:Romantic and Emotional Level

Whereas men are first attracted visually to a woman, women are usually attracted to some aspect of who a man is or something about his demeanor. It could be his smile, the way he says her name, the level of success he has achieved. Just as physical chemistry is the first and lowest level of attraction for men, romantic/emotional chemistry is the first and lowest level for a woman. This is why men often go the cards and flowers route early on in the relationship. They know women are emotional beings, but speaking from personal experience, these gestures however lovely and romantic they may be, often disguise a less than desirable character and low-self-esteem. Many times women mistake romance for true chemistry when in fact, this is only the first level.

Level #2: Mental Attraction

Yes, women are attracted to a man's mind, his intelligence and his intellect. The more intelligent and intellectual a woman is, if a man is not on the same level as she, this will not be a good match in the long run. What kinds of subjects does he like to talk about? Education comes into play here. A highly-educated woman will not be happy with a man with a high school education. They will be unable to communicate on the same level and it will be frustrating for both. They will also not be able to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings easily.

Level #3: Physical Attraction

Some women are attracted at the physical level first. These are usually the younger women, those on the rebound, and those who have not matured emotionally. Strong physical attraction is actually a red flag. This can blind a woman to a man's real character and she can wind up being very hurt. The wise woman will enjoy the romantic gestures and the physical attraction but will not be swept up by it. She will guard her heart until she gets to know a man's personality and character. A woman who keeps herself in shape usually is attracted to men who are in good physical shape as well, but there are exceptions sometimes.

Level #4:Soul Attraction

When a woman feels attraction and chemistry at the three previous levels, she is then ready to fall in love and move into soul attraction. When she likes who a man is, can interact with him at the same level, and finds him physically attractive, she is then open to falling in love with this man. If she accepts him as he is and can love him unconditionally, she will feel that this is the man she is meant to be with. There will be a deep connection at the soul level.

Questions to Ponder:
Everyone I've asked agrees there must be chemistry for a relationship to work. It's either there or it's not. Don't try to make it happen. What about the concept of a soul mate? Do you believe there is such a thing and if so, do you believe there is only one person right for you? If so, how do you know? For more on dating and attraction, check out John Gray's book, "Venus and Mars on a Date."

Love to hear your thoughts on this topic so please post a comment.  If you'd like to join our community and receive my weekly posts, enter your email in the box to the right. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and discovering YOUR DESTINY!
Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

The Cure for Loneliness

Many people in this world are lonely. Perhaps like me, you are divorced and an empty nester. Or maybe you are widowed or never married. Friends and family are either too busy with their lives, married and too busy, and really good friends are hard to come by. Today I'm sharing how I combat loneliness and I hope it will help and encourage you too.

I have found that developing a relationship with God is the most comforting thing in the world. God, and remember that is just a label, is that unseen energy or force that makes the world turn. The good news is God is ALWAYS INTERESTED  in us! His line is never busy and he always keeps his word.

Would you like to learn how to hear from God better? Now I don't mean in an audible way, of course. God communicates with each of us differently. He already knows your love language. First let's talk about why is it so important to hear from our spiritual Father.

A few good reasons are:
1) so we can  make better decisions
2) so we can move forward in life
3) so we can live the abundant life
4) so we can learn how to overcome the difficulties of life
5) so we can have more peace even when everything around us is in chaos
6) so we can have more joy even during the tough times

First let me ask you a question.

Do you always need someone or something to keep you company? The TV? The computer? Your cell phone? The dog or cat?

Realize you are never really alone. 

Although we may feel physically and emotionally alone, it is important to realize this fact. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. God is always there, but let's just say he is behind the scenes, orchestrating circumstances for his purposes and for your growth. He is waiting for you to make time for him. "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you" (James 4:8).

Calm the mind and the body. 
Most of the time we use distractions, food, alcohol, technology, to calm us down which can lead to unhealthy consequences. In this fast-paced world we live in, it takes effort and focus to relax the mind and the body. The first step in hearing from God is to relax the body. Sometimes I go for a walk, a hike, or ride my bike. No Ipod, music, or cell phone. I may do some yoga poses to move out the stress and negative energy stored in my body.

Other times I simply need to slow down and clear my mind. I usually on the floor in a cross-legged position and focus on my breathing and my belly. When we are stressed our breathing is shallow and high in the chest. As we calm ourselves, our breath gets deeper and moves into the belly. I'm trying to develop a regular meditation practice to rest my ever-running brain.

Relaxing the body helps to relax the mind. As the body relaxes, slowly the clutter in the mind dissipates. Then we are prepared to hear from God. "Your servant is listening." I say out loud to get the attention of whatever angelic forces may be hovering.

Cultivate Solitude. 
Alone time is truly a gift. When we realize we are not alone, cultivating solitude will become easier to do. We will learn to block out the negative voices that try to make us feel bad about ourselves. Instead, we will focus on relaxing our body and our mind and being open and receptive to what God might be saying to us.

If I want to hear from my significant other or my children, I need to spend time with them. If I want to know what they think, how they feel, and what's important to them I need to spend quality time alone with them. The same goes with God. He is always near. It is we who distance.

Practice passage meditation. 
God does speak to his children and he does it in a variety of creative ways. One of the best ways to hear from God is to read a sacred text. I prefer the Bible because God is required to honor his word, not the word of anybody else. It is amazing how verses will jump off the page at me or start appearing from multiple sources in a brief period of time. They can be guidance, encouragement, or answers and it is up to me to delve into them more. I just had an experience with a verse, 1 Cor. 10:13. It just started popping up everywhere so I knew it was the Holy Spirit trying to pass me a message. In fact, it was an answer to a question I had been asking God. Even though I may have read this passage many many times, I had a new revelation which was exactly the answer to the question I asked. Amazes me!

Life is all about choices. If we want to feel less lonely and more connected, especially as we get older, it is important to develop an intimate relationship with God.  Just like any other relationship, it will take some time so be patient. When you start to connect, it will enrich your life and build your  faith and trust that you are indeed - never alone!

I promise you that nothing on earth can compare to hearing directly from the Almighty Creator of the Universe. It is an awesome thrill when God speaks and you hear it!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to become part of our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly posts plus a copy of my free eguide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". Do send feedback after you've read it.

For more positive and practical wisdom stay tuned. Visit me on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

Feel free to use and share my content, but please acknowledge me as the source. Thank you!

Are You Speaking Your Mate's Love Language?

Who doesn't want to improve their close relationships? Healthy relationships thrive when there is good communication and that includes communicating love. What ways do you show love? More importantly, does your beloved actually feel loved? Are you speaking his or her love language?

In his book, "The Five Love Languages", Gary Chapman talks about the ways different people give and receive love. One way is through physical touch. This may be obvious to many, but others of us might not realize how important physical touch is. Perhaps we were not raised in a family where there was a lot of physical expression. Studies have shown that baby monkeys who are separated from their mothers at birth suffer severe problems. We all need physical touch in good amounts on a regular basis.

It could be as simple as putting a hand on someone's hand when they are distressed, or an arm around their shoulders when they are crying, or even a pat on the back to say "Well done". If a woman wants to get a man's attention when she's talking to him, she could try lightly touching his arm and then speaking. A man can console an emotional woman by simply taking her two hands in his and holding them. These are only a few examples of physical touch to express caring.

Hugging is another example. Just be sure it is done appropriately when hugging a woman - no close chest hugs- and be sure there is not a jealous husband or boyfriend around. Hugging is a universal act between the sexes and it is a simple but powerful way to communicate fondness. As a long time single, I remember getting an unexpected huge hug and a lift from a guy when I told him it was my birthday. It gave us both joy and made my day! Who can you hug today?

As a single who lives alone, I've realized how much I miss hugging and physical connection with my out of town family members.  Today, for example, I was at my doctor's office and I shared a quick synopsis of my personal story. When the visit was over, she gave me a hug. That simple act spoke mountains to me about her level of caring as a doctor, a woman, and a human being. I think by sharing my story, we connected in a deeper way.

If you have people and family around you and get hugged a lot, please don't take it for granted. Be thankful. Hug someone today who may not be as fortunate as you. Hugs are free but they can do a world of good to a lonely or a single person. We never know what other people are going through and not everyone has a large support network and singles, especially, need to feel loved.

Stay tuned for more on the five love languages. It will be transformative to your relationships.  In the meantime, experiment with physical touch and see how people respond. Share the love!

If this post was helpful, do join our community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly posts and a copy of my free eguide,  "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Until next time, give someone a hug and remember,

Keep looking up!

 Ariel Paz

All rights reserved. If you would like to use this material, contact me at arielpaz08@gmail.com.