Another word for letting go is to surrender. Detach. Give people space. It is a crucial skill to learn if we want to have peace in our lives and in our relationships. Let's jump in.
2. Another term related to letting go is "detachment" which means separating ourselves from another person.
In recovery terms, detachment means emotionally disconnecting from the abusive, destructive or unhealthy behavior of another person for our own well-being. We think we are being caring, but really, we are being codependent.
Detaching does not mean we stop loving or caring about the other person but we no longer allow their behaviors to steal our peace and joy. We don't get into it with them. We stop trying to change them or get them to change. It's not our monkey.
7. Evaluate my priorities.
There are only 24 hours in every day and we only have so many days to live. How will I choose to live them and with whom? I reexamine my priorities several times a year. I make a conscious choice on where, how, and with whom I want to spend my time.
1. First step is to realize that letting go is an ongoing process.
We learn to let go. It doesn't come naturally. We develop the ability to let go gradually as we experience loss, grief, and pain in our lives such as when a loved one dies or leaves home, a beloved pet dies, or when a relationship ends. Letting go is an ongoing process because life is constantly in a state of change.
We learn to let go. It doesn't come naturally. We develop the ability to let go gradually as we experience loss, grief, and pain in our lives such as when a loved one dies or leaves home, a beloved pet dies, or when a relationship ends. Letting go is an ongoing process because life is constantly in a state of change.
2. Another term related to letting go is "detachment" which means separating ourselves from another person.
In recovery terms, detachment means emotionally disconnecting from the abusive, destructive or unhealthy behavior of another person for our own well-being. We think we are being caring, but really, we are being codependent.
Detaching does not mean we stop loving or caring about the other person but we no longer allow their behaviors to steal our peace and joy. We don't get into it with them. We stop trying to change them or get them to change. It's not our monkey.
Some extreme examples would be living with an alcoholic, an addict, a gambler, or an angry person. Sometimes, we have to detach from family and friends who, for whatever reason, are unable to participate fully in a healthy relationship. It takes two healthy people to make any relationship work.
When we detach, we find more time and energy to love and take care of ourselves and we allow the other person the time and space to deal with their own issues. It is truly the loving thing to do for both parties.
3. Letting go has to do with responsibility.
When we detach, we find more time and energy to love and take care of ourselves and we allow the other person the time and space to deal with their own issues. It is truly the loving thing to do for both parties.
3. Letting go has to do with responsibility.
Sometimes we take on responsibility for problems we do not own. For example, a parent taking financial responsibility for an adult child. A mother not allowing her children to suffer the consequences of their actions. A spouse covering for a partner's addiction such as overspending, drinking, gambling, getting into fights, etc. Codependency causes people to take on others' consequences to the detriment of their own physical and financial well-being.
4. Letting go is the opposite of controlling.
4. Letting go is the opposite of controlling.
People who are overly responsible are often codependent and usually have control issues. Codependents think they are taking care of others, but in reality, it is a form of control based on fear. Most people have control issues to some degree, but fearful people are on the extreme end of the spectrum. If someone you know is controlling, one question to ask them is: "What are you afraid of here?" This will help bring to light the irrational fear they may be struggling with.
No one wants to be controlled. We are responsible for managing our own lives, but not the lives of those around us. Often, our "caring" efforts are seen as controlling. This is when relationships deteriorate. When we let go of control, we allow the other person the freedom and the dignity to make their own choices and experience the results of those choices.
5. Letting go applies to every area of our lives.
Many people hold on to stuff for years and years for emotional reasons. I once dated a guy who had an entire office filled with old newspapers he'd never read. His garage was packed with stuff his kids used when they were little. These people have a hard time "letting go" of stuff. They've even made a TV show out of this behavior called "Hoarders". If you have a hard time parting with material things, your house is cluttered, and your garage is overflowing, you may want to examine your reasons for holding on to all of that. Does it make you feel loved? Secure? Are you holding on to the past? Think of cleaning house as an opportunity to practice letting go and open yourself up to NEW ADVENTURES!
6. Surrender to God's will.
When we learn to let go in our lives, we are basically saying "Thy will be done" or "Que sera sera". We no longer insist on our agendas, our plans, and our timeframes. We are more flexible and resilient when the unexpected happens. We feel more peace and tranquility because we have let go of the need to control the outcome of events. We really can't control very much in life. We can't control the stock market, our relatives, our kids, or what happens in the world so we might as well accept life as it is and enjoy it the best we can.
No one wants to be controlled. We are responsible for managing our own lives, but not the lives of those around us. Often, our "caring" efforts are seen as controlling. This is when relationships deteriorate. When we let go of control, we allow the other person the freedom and the dignity to make their own choices and experience the results of those choices.
5. Letting go applies to every area of our lives.
Many people hold on to stuff for years and years for emotional reasons. I once dated a guy who had an entire office filled with old newspapers he'd never read. His garage was packed with stuff his kids used when they were little. These people have a hard time "letting go" of stuff. They've even made a TV show out of this behavior called "Hoarders". If you have a hard time parting with material things, your house is cluttered, and your garage is overflowing, you may want to examine your reasons for holding on to all of that. Does it make you feel loved? Secure? Are you holding on to the past? Think of cleaning house as an opportunity to practice letting go and open yourself up to NEW ADVENTURES!
6. Surrender to God's will.
When we learn to let go in our lives, we are basically saying "Thy will be done" or "Que sera sera". We no longer insist on our agendas, our plans, and our timeframes. We are more flexible and resilient when the unexpected happens. We feel more peace and tranquility because we have let go of the need to control the outcome of events. We really can't control very much in life. We can't control the stock market, our relatives, our kids, or what happens in the world so we might as well accept life as it is and enjoy it the best we can.
Personal Story
So yesterday, I was all dressed and ready to go hear an outdoor concert about 20 minutes from me. I checked my tires and they were on the low side so decided to try and fill them myself. Well. After 3 gas stations and 2 broken air machines, one of my tires had no air in it. The "Check tire pressure" warning came up. Immediately, I said a prayer to make it back to another gas station and thankfully, their machine was working. Sort of. I was able to inflate the tire. This was in 97 degree heat, mind you. An hour had gone by. My white capris were filthy and I was a sweaty disgusted mess. I paused to think and pray. Then I did what I'm telling you to do. I let my plans go. Things happen. I drove home and headed straight for the pool. Immediately all the stress washed away and my joy returned. Folks, when things seem to work against you for whatever reason, choose whatever will bring you peace in the moment.
7. Evaluate my priorities.
There are only 24 hours in every day and we only have so many days to live. How will I choose to live them and with whom? I reexamine my priorities several times a year. I make a conscious choice on where, how, and with whom I want to spend my time.
I have learned that in order to add something or someone new to my life, I must let go of something or someone else or I will be out of balance. When we let go of an unhealthy relationship, we are open to receive a healthier one in its place. When we let go of anxiety and worry, we make room for peace and joy. When we let go of activity, we make room for relaxation and self-care. It's all a matter of evaluating what is important to us in the here and now.
8. Choosing Peace over Control
If we want to have more peace and joy and less stress in our lives, learning to let go is one of life's most important lessons. I have a post- it note on which is written a quote from Oprah Winfrey that says: "All stress comes from resisting what is". I think she is right on.
8. Choosing Peace over Control
If we want to have more peace and joy and less stress in our lives, learning to let go is one of life's most important lessons. I have a post- it note on which is written a quote from Oprah Winfrey that says: "All stress comes from resisting what is". I think she is right on.
Some of us, including me as an oldest child in a dysfunctional famiily, have become too responsible for others. And yes, it is still a problem. When the adults in a family don't assume their rightful responsibilities, then the children are left to do so, sadly. A sign we are too controlling is when we start to experience push-back from other people. This is the time to step back and give the relationship space and distance.
Personal Story
So my 95 year old mother is in a sad state. She can't walk. She fractured her back in February and now is in an assisted living. I have had to take over handling all of her stuff - her phone, her drs appts, her physical therapist, her medications, her finances, her bills. You may be in a similiar situation. Well, I thought I was helping her by taking on these responsibilities, but what I have come to realize is she is angry or resentful at me for doing so. Well, really she is angry at herself and projecting it onto me. So I have decided to do what I am telling you to do - take a step back. Let her call me. Stop being so responsible for all her stuff. She still has a decent mind and can and should speak up for herself. It was a tough lesson to learn but when people are ungrateful for your help, maybe they don't really want it.
To Learn More on Letting Go
If you want more information on letting go, get your copy of my new book "Ignite the Power Within: 10 Steps to Supercharge Your Spiritual Growth", In it, I explain in detail the how, when, what of letting go and the various areas of our lives that we get to practice this in. It is life changing for sure.
For Reflection
So what have you let go of that made a difference in your life? What do you need to let go of today that could bring you more peace? Leave a comment or post in your journal.
If you enjoyed this post, join our blog community. Enter your email address in the box provided & you'll receive my weekly posts and also a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" to get you started on your exciting spiritual journey. I'm working on a new gift for you so stay connected.
Stay tuned for more on having more peace in our relationships and our lives.
Until next time, keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
For Reflection
So what have you let go of that made a difference in your life? What do you need to let go of today that could bring you more peace? Leave a comment or post in your journal.
If you enjoyed this post, join our blog community. Enter your email address in the box provided & you'll receive my weekly posts and also a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" to get you started on your exciting spiritual journey. I'm working on a new gift for you so stay connected.
Stay tuned for more on having more peace in our relationships and our lives.
Until next time, keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
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