One of the first things to realize is that we are allowing this behavior in our lives. Speaking from personal experience, it is because that is what we grew up with; it feels natural to us. Stress, drama, anxiety and turmoil are not natural.
I had an alcoholic father who could never hold a job. My mother was a worry-wort codependent. My parents argued constantly and there was constant strife, turmoil, and discord in the home. I learned anxiety and conflict was the norm. Then I married a man who smoked and drank, who was controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive, like my father - again anxiety and conflict. We tend to perpetuate by our choices that with which we are familiar. Perhaps you can relate.
So this past weekend, I attended a wake for a friend of a friend. I went for emotional support more than anything. I had never been to a wake so was not sure what to expect. It turned out to be a gathering of family and friends to break bread, reminisce, and console one another. All was going relatively well until the ex-wife of the deceased launched into a litany of the baggage her suddenly-deceased ex-husband had left her with. As I imagined what the coming months would hold for her, it brought back old memories of my divorce and the mess my ex had left me to contend with years ago. I had to walk away.
Much of the stress, drama, and conflict that comes into our lives is a result of people not taking responsibility for themselves. I've often said "There are two types of people in this world: those who shirk responsibility and those who take on too much." Those who fall into the first category typically have addictive personalities or have a victim mentality. Those who fall into the second category are typically codependent people-pleasers. Sadly, these two personalities tend to attract each other. They become enmeshed in each others' lives. So what to do?
If you fall into the first category, it's time to take a look within. Now this may sound a bit harsh, but it's time to GROW UP! Now I am all for having fun and enjoying life, but partying and socializing till the wee hours of the morning is fine when you're in your teens and twenties. By the time you hit your thirties, it's time to balance out the equation by taking on more responsibility for your own life. As Stephen R. Covey, author of the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" says, it's time to put first things first and you will be so glad when you do. You will feel much more confident, self-reliant and - dare I say it - grown up.
Here are 6 steps you can take to start taking control of your own life:
1. Get a decent job.
2. Pay your bills on time.
3. Stop depending on others to bail you out.
4. Make commitments.
5. Deal with your hurts and insecurities.
6. Ask God to help you and to heal you.
I know this sounds like some work and it is. We each must put effort into creating a life we will be happy with, and sometimes we need to hear truth as tough as it may be to swallow. If you're in the second category and take on too much responsibility, feel resentful and taken advantae of, stay tuned when I'll share the steps you can take to stop your drama as well.
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Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you ignite the power within!
Until next time, keep looking up!
Ariel Paz
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