Believe What You See - How to Spot the Red Flags

Single? Lonely? Looking for Mr. Wonderful? Holding on to Mr. Right Now? Too many times when we meet someone we see them through rose-colored glasses, and ignore the red flags. Why? Because we are lonely, bored, tired of waiting, and isolated. Or we are in a relationship, and we know in our head this person is not right for us, but we stay in it anyway, because we are emotionally involved.

Recently, I spoke with two single gals who are in a predicament, shall we say. They are stuck in unhealthy relationships hoping things will change. The years are going by and nothing has changed and both these gals are making excuses to stay. Now I totally understand because I've done this very thing and listening to their stories reminded me of how difficult it is to extricate oneself from emotional ties.

Today's post is dedicated to helping you:
a) spot the red flags early on so
b) you don't get emotionally entangled with the wrong guy.

Several years ago, I met a guy online on a supposedly Christian dating site. When I read this guy's profile, my heart was aflutter. He sounded like my perfect match - on paper that is. All the externals I was looking for seemed to be in place - good job, owned his own home, attends church, willing to learn how to dance etc etc. Well. After two years of a conflicted spirit, late night "disagreements" and much heartache, the light bulb finally went on and I put all the pieces together. The guy was lying to me about who he really was. The signs of jealousy, immaturity, and insecurity had been there all along, I simply chose to minimize them. I made excuses and rationalized his behavior. All because I was approaching a milestone birthday and I had set my mind of being engaged by that time.

Lesson #1: my timetable is not always God's timetable.

Lesson #2: Listen to my spirit.

Anyway, fast forward several years. I was still single so decided to give online dating another try. Another guy contacts me wanting to get together for dinner.

"Here we go again. They think wining and dining me is going to do the trick." This time I was determined to keep my eyes open and my heart protected.

Don't ask me what I was thinking. The guy had posted photos of his red Porsche, his motorcycle, his flowers, and his dog. Nothing against any of these, but I kind of felt like there were conflicting messages being sent. Now I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so I went out with the guy. The Porsche and the motorcycle were signs that screamed one word - FAST! He wanted to move quickly in more ways than one. By the grace of God, it only took me 3 dates to figure out the truth and am so glad I did not let myself get emotionally or physically involved with the guy. I chalk the whole experience up to a re-test and I think I passed with at least a "B". Maybe a B+.

Bottom line of these stories is this. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Don't allow the wining and dining, the flowers, the jewelry or the romance to blind you or override your good sense. If you're not sure what to do, get counseling or talk to some wise friends who are courageous enough to give you an objective perspective. If we want to avoid unnecessary hurt and pain and stay out of wrong relationships, it would do us well to face the reality of who people are before getting physically and emotionally involved with them. Take your time evaluating the person. Three dates seems like a reasonable amount of time.

If any of my story resonates with you or if you have helpful tips you'd like to share, please leave a comment below. Love to hear back from you.

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Make Miracles Happen

Funny how even the most mundane situations in life can speak truth to us, isn't it?

This summer, there have been several home repairs and improvements that needed to be taken care of at my house. Being the industrious soul that I am, I endeavored to handle them on my own.

Well. Live and learn. Get help.

This past week, my youngest graciously agreed to assist with my latest adventure - hanging cellular blinds in my office. Now I don't know if you've ever attempted this or not, but let me say, having the right drill bit saves a lot of sweat and hard work. Who knew drywall could be so difficult to screw into?

The instructions that came with the blinds weren't exactly clear either. To make matters worse, when I attempted to try to hang one of the blinds by myself, the whole thing came crashing down and I almost ended up with a broken hand.

After several trips to Home Depot to buy drill bits, we finally had the proper tools. Amazing how much easier it was to get those screws in the wall! But still no success in getting the blinds to stay up. As they fell down time and time again, I watched my son's quick reflex enable him to deftly catch them. Suddenly, I found the whole situation extremely hilarious.

"I'm glad you think this is funny. You try it," he says to me. So up on the desk I climb. Bewildered as to where the thing was actually supposed to hook into, we both stood there and stared at it.

"Get down, I know what to do," he says.

Within minutes, both blinds were up and working perfectly.

"Funny how when you do it right, miracles happen", he says.

I was struck by the truth of that statement; that applies to life, as well. When we do things the right way, miracles happen. Too bad it takes so many attempts to get it right though, isn't it?

Moral of the story, whatever it is you're facing, keep persevering. Keep doing the right thing and sooner or later, you will see a miracle too!

Until next time, keep the faith and keep looking up. And oh, watch out for those blinds!

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Stay tuned and until next time, make miracles!

Ariel Paz