4 Ways Meditation Can Calm Your Anxious Mind

Life is busy, stressful, and complex. No matter what season of life you are in. It's always something, as I used to tell my mom. Our minds are on overdrive trying to process everything that comes at us in a day. And then there is the nightly news. 

The result? Racing thoughts. Sleepless nights. Overeating, pill popping or drinking alcohol to relax. Sound familiar? This week I'm sharing a spiritual practice that can help you tame your monkey racing mind and stay more present and peaceful during your day. 

An Ancient Practice 

Archaeologists and scholars believe meditation has been around for over 5,000 years. In this information-over-loaded culture we live in, it is critical that we make time to not only rest our bodies, but our minds as well so this week I'm sharing on the ancient practice of meditation. 

No matter what beliefs you have, you should know that meditation practices have been part of both eastern and western religious practices for ages. The earliest documentation of meditation is found in the Hindu sacred text known as the Vedas from ancient India but it has its own place in Western religions as well. St. Ignatius of Loyola is famous for his book, Spiritual Exercises. The Bible continually exhorts believers to "meditate on things above", meditate on the Word of God day and night and to "Be still and know that I am God". Also we are exhorted to "take every thought captive." That is meditation. 

Can You Please Sit Still? 

In the same way the body needs a good amount of rest to restore and renew itself, so too does the mind.  Often, even when the body is asleep, the mind continues to churn away on the problems and issues of the day. No wonder we wake up feeling unrefreshed. The mind didn't know it was bedtime.

So, how often do you sit down during the course of the day, close your eyes and just observe your thoughts? Most people are so tired that when they do sit down and close their eyes, they fall asleep. Others find it difficult or even uncomfortable to sit still and do nothing. I know, because I used to be this way. 

As a single mom of two boys working at a mentally exhausting career while balancing the demands of home, health, & child-rearing plus trying to fit in a social life, I wish someone would have suggested meditation to me years ago. Sit down and rest my weary mind. 

The rapid advancement of technology has dramatically increased the pace of life and the hurry up, get-it-done-yesterday mindset has side-lined this important discipline. As the rate of stress-related illnesses soar, many are realizing this non-stop physical and mental freneticism is not only unhealthy but unprofitable as well. So how can meditation benefit you?

Benefit #1: Meditation calms our minds and our bodies. 

In the same way the body needs a good amount of rest to restore and renew itself, so too, does the mind. Often, even when the body is asleep, the mind continues to churn away on the problems and issues of the day. No wonder we wake up feeling unrefreshed. The mind didn't know it was bedtime.

When we sit down to meditate, we allow the "mental clutter" to settle. The breath and the heart rate slow which reduces blood pressure naturally. Meditation allows confusion to dissipate and clarity and creativity to spark so we can find answers to our problems and creative solutions. 

There are different forms of meditation so whether your spiritual path is eastern, western or a combination of both, you can benefit from this ancient practice. In eastern religions, there are several different meditation styles. One of them is to focus the mind on something constant such as the breath, a candle flame, or a mantra, which is a word or a phrase such as "peace', "be still", or "I am calm". The basic premise is that by focusing the mind, the practitioner becomes increasingly aware of the flow of thoughts as they occur and is able to disengage and enter the place of rest where the mind is calmer. I practice what is called Vipassana meditation which focuses on finding clarity and insight in addition to calm. 

Benefit #2: Helps us to connect with ourselves and with God. 
When we still our bodies, the thoughts that jump around like monkeys in our minds settle down as well. This allows us to see what is going on with our feelings and emotions and to get in touch with our inner selves. When we are moving so fast all day, we ignore that still small voice and our deep thoughts and emotions rarely get noticed or even attended to.

The practice of meditation in Christian religions is similar in that one of the goals is to focus and calm the mind. In addition, Christian practitioners also have the goal of calming the spirit and connecting more deeply with God which is done by reading or repeating phrases or words of Holy Scripture or Christian devotions. Early proponents of Christian meditation are St. Teresa of Avila, St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. John of the Cross.

Benefit #3: Brings awareness of our thoughts, feelings and actions.
Whatever your spiritual path, meditation is an important skill that helps us bring more awareness to our daily lives.  Often we go through the day on auto-pilot, barely noticing anything inside us or around us until we plop into bed at night, exhausted. And then we spend the night processing what happened during the day. 

When we deliberately calm our minds, we are more able to identify our thoughts on a moment to moment basis. I've read that the average person thinks 60,000 - 70,000 thoughts per day, and being the deep reflective thinker I am, I probably process a lot more. Yikes!

Meditation helps us become more aware of our thoughts and the type of thoughts. Is this thought positive or negative, anxious, or angry? Thoughts are energy and negative thoughts bring us down and lower our energy and steal our joy. Notice whenever you have left the present moment - today - and wandered either into the past or the future. Meditation helps us to stay in the present moment which helps alleviate anxiety. It also helps us to stay focused and pay attention to what we are doing, rather than be unaware and easily distracted. 

Unawareness of negative, anxious and angry thoughts lead to a vicious downward spiral which often leads to depression and reactivity. Becoming more aware of our thoughts and emotions is a tool to stop this cycle and keep us grounded and calm.

Benefit #4: Breaks the vicious activity cycle.
Many of us run around all day frenetically going from one thing to another. As a single parent, this pace was my norm. Since retiring, I have made a conscious effort to slow down, do less and take more breaks. I have a sticky note that says "Take the pressure off." Continuous activity is akin to an addiction, something that makes us crave more and more. Meditation helps break this cycle as well. 

When I feel like I'm moving too fast, an alarm goes off in my mind "Break time!" and I make myself sit down and meditate for 15 - 20 minutes. If I fall asleep, then that means I'm tired but I don't berate myself for falling asleep. This stopping to meditate breaks the "to do" cycle and mentality. We are human beings not human doings! As meditation becomes a daily practice, we realize stillness is a gift and we will look forward to our times of being still. 

For reflection:

Have you considered incorporating meditation into your daily routine? How might it benefit you, personally? Meditation is not difficult. All it takes is a few minutes a day, start by closing your eyes and taking 3 deep breaths a few times a day. Here are some more posts on meditation to help. 

If you enjoyed this post, join our blog community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts plus a copy my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

If you are interested in furthering your spiritual growth, you might enjoy my newest book, "Ignite the Power Within: 10 steps to Supercharge your spiritual growth" available at your favorite booksellers here. 

Follow me on Pinterest and enjoy the collection I've curated on a variety of topics from healthy recipes, to diet and exercise, to fashion and beauty to mindfulness and meditation and more.   

If you 

Until next time, I wish you peace and stillness and remember...

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

How to Tame Your Unruly Mind

Have you ever said something "without thinking"? Do you often find yourself feeling down, depressed or anxious but don't know why? What about the dreams you have at night that keep you from getting a good night's rest? What's going on then? If we want to ignite our personal power so we can move forward towards our goals and dreams and have more peace and joy, we must tame and train the unruly beast known as the mind.

The Brain vs. the Mind
Before we can talk about how to discipline the mind, we need to understand what exactly do we mean by "the mind". To keep this as simple as possible, the mind is the non-physical part of us that is composed of both consciousness and unconsciousness. It is separate from the physical part of the body known as the brain. The brain is the organ that is part of our central nervous system and controls our physical and bodily functions.

The mind, on the other hand, controls our emotions, our thoughts, and our will. Some believe that the mind is the eternal part of us known as the "soul". Undeveloped and unconstrained, the mind will take off like a runaway train or a wild horse. Buddhism calls this "monkey mind" meaning unsettled, capricious, restless, uncontrollable, confused. Picture the monkeys you see in the zoo or the wild and how they flit from tree to tree hanging on and jumping around willy nilly. This is how undisciplined minds behave. Thousands of thoughts fly by in the course of everyday life, yet we are unaware of the majority of them.

Feed your mind positive input.
If we want to harness the power of our minds, we need to discipline it to think the right kind of thoughts. There are three main steps to cultivating a disciplined mind and today we will cover the first one.  

Our minds are like computers. How they are programmed is how they will perform. Many of us grew up in an environment of worry, anxiety, fear and the like so we already have a library full of negative thoughts. If we feed our minds junk, violence, and negativity which abound in the media, on television and in our world, our thoughts will be full of this stuff.  You may not even be aware of the negativity that is coming out of you. The good news is we can change the way we think by changing what we feed our minds.

If we want healthy, vibrant bodies we will feed ourselves healthy, nutritious food and drink plenty of water. In the same way, if we want healthy, peaceful and emotionally stable minds we need to feed our minds life-giving, positive and faith-filled thoughts. I prefer to use phrases from the Holy Bible and I can attest to the fact that they do work. Here are some of my favorites:

     -If we want to conquer fear and doubt, start thinking thoughts of faith.
       "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a 

        sound mind".

       "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own           understanding."

     If we want to become more bold and less timid,  
      "The Lord is my rock and my fortress." 
      "No weapon formed against me shall prosper."
      "If God is for us, who can stand against us?". 

    If we want to be more loving,
       "Love your neighbor as yourself"
       "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs."
       "Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

    
    If we want to be more at peace, memorize these verses:
       "The Lord will give keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him."
       "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything pray and give thanks to God and He will give you peace that passes all understanding".     

    If we want more ease and less anxiety, instead of thinking "This is too much for me"  or "I'll never be able to ....." think and say out loud:
       "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me".
       "God will make my crooked paths straight". 
        "Be still and know that I am God"

     If we want more abundance and provision, stop thinking thoughts of lack.
       "My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus".
       "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly."

These are just a few examples I personally use to reprogram my thinking and you can too! Pick out some verses that resonate with you and begin to verbalize them daily. I post them on sticky notes around the house to remind me.

Personal Story

My mom recently passed and a whole boatload of extra responsibilities and tasks got dumped into my lap. I'm sure some of you have dealt with this situation and know how difficult it is. Well, trying to do her 2023 taxes and obtain the various 1099s since her Texas accountant has disappeared. Still have not received the final one and trying not to stress about the looming tax deadline of Oct. 15. 

This is certainly a test because the situation is out of my control despite my numerous phone calls to the companies involved. I am getting to practice what I preach - paying attention to my thoughts, staying at peace, and living in the present moment. We can only do so much, and in these situations it is important to remember that God sees and is in control. He will make a way where there seems to be no way. 

Reprogram Your Mind
If we want to be more powerful, peaceful, and successful, we need to be more positive. We need to reprogram our thinking with truth and the best source of truth I know is the Holy Bible. Now you can use whatever sacred texts or affirmations you choose, but I suggest the Holy Bible and here's why.

God is obligated to fulfill His Word. He is not obligated to follow through on anyone else's word. The words of scripture have supernatural power in them and that is the missing ingredient in using anything else. Positive affirmations that are not the Word of God will only take us so far. Why?

Because God rewards Faith! He wants to know that we are depending on Him and him alone and not merely our own will and self. When we learn to depend on God more, and ourselves less, we will see strife, turmoil, and unease evaporate from our lives and we will enjoy more harmony, joy, and rest.

This covers the first step to disciplining our minds. Stay tuned for more on Step 6 of igniting the power within when next time we'll talk about the importance of meditation. 

For Reflection

What do you find yourself dwelling on? What causes you stress? How can you replace negative thoughts with thoughts of faith and power? 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, simply enter your email address in the box provided and you'll receive my weekly posts. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  If you would like to learn more about spiritual growth, check out my other offerings here. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts so please leave a comment and share it with your friends. 

Stay tuned for more on how you can ignite the power within and discover your Destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz


All rights reserved. 

3 Steps to Deeper Relationships with God & Others

Do you sometimes feel disconnected from others? Far from God?  If so, you're not the only one. We all struggle with these times of seeming isolation and loneliness, even the married folk among us.  It is in these times that it is even more important to turn inward and upwards to God.

Sometimes God allows these dry periods so we can come into a more intimate relationship with Him. We may not know exactly how to go about it so today I'm sharing three steps to developing a closer relationship with God.

Personal Story 
I was at a good friend's wedding having dinner, when a gentleman at our table shared that he had read my book, "The Power of Faith". He said he wished he had the same type of faith to get through the trials in his life and asked me if I thought if it was possible for anyone to develop a strong faith.

"Absolutely", I replied without a moment's hesitation.

In fact, God promises us this: "You will seek and find me when you search for me with all your heart," (Jer. 29:13). Just as healthy earthly parents want a good relationship with their kids, so our heavenly Father wants a close relationship with us. In the same way, if we want an intimate close relationship with another person or with God, we must be intentional about it.

"Well, how do you do that?" my typically shy and reserved friend inquired.

Now I know many of us are stuck in this sensory, material world we live in. If we can't see, feel, hear, touch, or smell it, we don't believe it exists. God does exist only in another reality - the spiritual realm and, as spiritual beings, we have to get comfortable operating in this realm as well. The good news is the same steps we take when we are serious about getting to know someone are the same steps we can use in developing a relationship with God.

1. Have an open heart.
Just as when we begin to fall in love with another person and believe they want a relationship with us, the same applies to God. We have to believe in our heart that it is possible to have a deeper relationship with God, that He loves you deeply, and wants to have an intimate relationship with you. God wants to connect you, just as much as the spiritual part of you wants to connect with Him. Once we let this truth permeate our minds, we open the doors for an amazing adventure.

2. Spend more time together.
Getting to know God is much the same as getting to know another person. When we make it a priority to spend time with someone, we get to know them at a deeper level. We come to know who they are, their likes and dislikes, their values, how they think. We each have our own way of spending time with God. Some of us like to take a walk by ourselves, go for a hike or a bike ride in nature. Others prefer to listen to relaxing music or work in the garden. Still others find God in a communal approach such as a church setting or a meditation group. Whatever puts you in a calm and receptive state of mind is conducive to meeting with God.

3. Learn how God feels and thinks about things.

In the same way we get to know another person by learning how he or she thinks and feels, we can get to know who God is. He is not some illusive being out there yonder. He is up close and personal. He wants to make himself known to us, to speak to us, and guide each of us - personally. These days, when we want to find out information about someone, we do a Google search and look them up on the Internet. We can do the same thing with God, believe it or not. We go to a reliable source and seek information. In fact, God has put much information about himself, his thoughts, his desires, and his ways of operating in one collection of books known as the Bible. 

Now I know many people have a problem with the Bible, saying it's old and antiquated but the truth is not much has changed in the way of relationships and human nature since it was written. And for sure, God has not changed. At all. 

Side note. Did you know that the way experts determine the validity of a manuscript is by how many copies there are of it? Did you know that the Bible is one of, if not the most copied manuscript in history?

When we make time to read Scripture, we learn who God is, what He thinks, and what is important to him. We also open up the channel of communication with Him to speak to us. You will be amazed when you start reading the Word, how some passage will jump right out at you and you will know that it is meant for you. Try it and see!

"One more thing," I said to my friend. "Just ask God to reveal Himself to you, and He will." My friend smiled and nodded.

For Reflection

Do you - like Jacob in the Bible - struggle to find God? Do you desire to have a better communion with your Higher Power? Are you willing to put time into your relationship with others? the Divine? 

So there you have it, friends: three steps to developing a deeper relationship with God. Do post a comment, and feel free to share this with a friend or send me a question. If you'd like to join our blog community and receive my weekly posts, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll also receive my free guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". And be sure to pop on over to my Pinterest boards and check out all the cool stuff I have collected for you. And do check out my collection of books on faith and spiritual growth here. 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you ignite the power within so you can discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Ignite the Power Within Step 3: Make Room for What Really Matters

Most of us lead pretty full lives, yes? We are always on the go. Our to do lists are never ending and the activities never ceasing. But yet, in those still quiet moments, we get that gnawing feeling that somehow we are unfulfilled and we have lost our joy. We really don't know what's important anymore. Ever feel that way?

It happens to all of of us from time to time. It's kind of like when our closets are bulging with beautiful clothes. We stand there in confusion wondering what to wear. How can we decide what's important when our closets and our lives are so cluttered?

If the rooms of our lives are so full of stuff i.e activities, how can we possibly know and then make room for what truly matters? Begin by getting rid of what is no longer useful.

Every 6 months or so, I ask myself this question "What am I holding on to that I no longer need? and then I begin an inventory of my life. I start with the easy and mundane like my kitchen drawers and cabinets. Then I move on to the house and closets. Then it's time to analyze the deeper things like my priorities, activities, habits and thought patterns, and relationships. Which of these are no longer useful or bearing fruit?

To be honest, I have been guilty of holding on to cars, jobs, and some relationships for far too long. I've held on to negative thought patterns as well. The result of trying to hold on to something or someone that God was trying to get me to let go of was stress and anxiety. We are not meant to live all stressed out but it does take some effort to figure out what needs to go. 

The key is to realize when I am holding on to something that is non-productive sooner rather than later, and then - let it go! When we let go of something  people and activities that no longer serve us, we make room for something better to come along like JOY! So why do we hold on so long?

It comes back to that ugly four-letter word - fear. Remember, we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7). Let's not shrink back in fear of letting go of something or someone that is not good for us. God always has something better He is waiting to give us, but we must have open hands to receive it. Let go of the "I must do all this" or "I should do this"  mentality and instead, reframe your life into "I want to do this". See what a difference it will make in your life.

For Reflection
What is it that you are holding on to that is no longer bearing fruit? A job? A relationship? Stuff in your garage or closets?

Today, I encourage you to take a step of faith to let go of whatever it is that is holding you back from receiving what really matters to you. If we want new things to come into our lives, we need to make room for them, just like in our closets. Take time to reevaluate your priorities and decide if it's time to let go of something or someone.

If you enjoyed this post and like to join our blog community, enter your email address in the box provided and you'll receive my weekly posts.  I'll also send you my free guide entitled

"7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" to get you started. And do check out my many offerings on Pinterest. 

Until next time, stay connected and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz  

@arielpaz08 Instagram 

@Arielpaz Facebook 

How to Find Peace in Anxious Times

There is a lot going on in this world of ours that can steal our peace. Just turn on the nightly news. Drive in rush hour traffic. Deal with unruly kids. We can lose our peace in an instant and that is why a daily spiritual practice is so very important. Find a time to get quiet and be by yourself and then ask yourself this question:

"Am I at peace right now?"

Pause and listen for that still small voice in the depths of your soul. What did it say? 

 

                                

Lesson Learned 

I have learned that Peace is our most precious possession if we want to live a happy, joyful and healthy life. It is actually a spiritual gift yet often, we let life, relationships, and busyness steal it. We put pressure on ourselves to go go go, do do do, buy buy buy, work, work, work - none of which result in the peace our souls long for. Today I want to help you make Peace more of a priority in your life. 

Personal Story 

When I was married and in a dysfunctional, abusive relationship, I knew in my heart of hearts, I was not at peace. We had two kids, two cars, two houses, two incomes, but I was not at peace - and I knew it. Something had to change if I was to have peace and that meant I had to change. I realized I needed to set firmer boundaries with my spouse. Sadly, being a narcissist, he couldn't handle it and the marriage eventually ended. He was used to treating me abusively since I was codependent and thought he did not need to change. I lost a relationship but gained peace and it was so worth it. 

Places We Look 
Many are seeking peace in a multitude of places and through a variety of means. Some try to find peace by amassing wealth or attaining a certain status only to find out wealth can vanish in the blink of an eye when the stock market drops. Who and what is popular today can be unpopular tomorrow. The world is just as fickle today as it was in Jesus' time. 

Others try to find peace by medicating themselves with food, drink, drugs, fashion, material possessions and endless activity that will never give us the lasting peace our soul craves. These provide temporary satisfaction at best and, in excess, do more harm than good. 

Others try the spiritual route. They try meditation, relaxation techniques, mindfulness, yoga and the like. Now I am all for stilling the body and the mind, but these, too, are only temporary, as practitioners well know. How many times have you or I gone for a massage, to an exercise or yoga class, or to a church service and then, a few hours later the feeling of peace is ruined by an aggravating phone call or thoughtless comment? It takes constant diligence to remain at peace when we try to achieve it on our own. So what exactly is True Peace and where do we find it?

What is True peace

True peace is knowing that we are in the hands of a loving and gracious God. That truth is the solid rock that keeps us grounded. No matter what happens or how bad things may seem, as author and spiritual guru, Gabrielle Bernstein, puts it, God has our back. He is still on the throne and he is still in control. Even though it may not look like it in the moment, he is working ALL things out for our good. Yes, all. Not some - ALL. Remember that.  

Every trial is a test meant to move us forward into our destiny and in our spiritual growth and when the test is over and we have passed it by learning the lesson, we will look back with thanks and gratitude for what it taught us. Trust me on this. 

True peace is steady. 

Sure we may waffle for a bit, just as Peter did when Jesus told him to step out of the boat, but eventually we will waffle less and trust more. Peace is an inner calmness that comes from trusting in a Holy and loving God and in his son, Jesus Christ, the Anointed One. 

On the outside we may be buffetted by people and circumstances. We may get angry, concerned, frustrated, but deep within our souls, we are at peace. True peace is an anchor we can hold onto during the inevitable storms of life. We may doubt and become anxious when the challenges of life muddy the waters, but as soon as we connect with Jesus, the waters still. I love the verse "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). The storms will pass. Sometimes all we need to do is be still and let go of the reins of control. 

Where True Peace is Found

Perhaps like me, you've tried to find peace in different places. Peace was not in yoga class. Nor in church. Nor in food, sweets, or chocolate. Nor in any of the ex-boyfriends for that matter. When everything around me is in chaos and the ground is shaking beneath me,  I hold onto the one person who is faithful, steady, and ever-present. The one person whose promises I can depend on. I hold on to Jesus.

True peace is a fruit of the Spirit. As you know, fruit begins with a small seed. As it is watered and nourished, it grows into luscious fruit. In the same way, peace is a fruit of the Spirit that grows over time as we experience more and more of the Lord's faithfulness and love. Those of us who have been through the fires of hell know God more intimately. We have met Jesus and we have seen the power of the Holy Spirit work in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones.

Now if you don't know Jesus, you may not understand about the Holy Spirit. Here's how it works. When we accept the love of Christ into our hearts, God sends his Holy Spirit to unite with our spirit to give us a supernatural connection and power. See Romans chapter 8 for more on this. I encourage you to let Christ into your heart today so you can receive this supernatural, empowering gift. 

Facing the Storms of Life 
When the storms of life threaten to capsize your ship, remember what Jesus said: "Peace I leave with you. My peace I bring to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27). The peace of Jesus is far more powerful than the peace that is offered by anything else in this world. It is a supernatural peace that only Jesus can give.

When the disciples were in a tizzy on the sea of Galilee and the winds and the rain pounded their tiny boat, what did Jesus say to them? "Oh ye of little faith,". In other words, Jesus was right there in the ship with them and yet they were afraid when they had no need to be. Who or what are you placing your faith in today?

Going Thru Storms 

Storms serve a purpose. They are to help us grow our spiritual muscle so that when the next storm comes, we won't be as rattled by the winds and the waves. Whatever you are going through, remember Jesus is right there in the ship with you. Jesus promised "I will never leave you or forsake you." (Heb 13:5). We can count on the promises of  God. Unlike people, He never goes back on His word. 

Whatever storm we are going through, Jesus promises to navigate us through it and bring us out of it. I know, because, I have been through many storms - hurricanes really - and I'm still standing. You can read about them in my true story memoir, "The Power of Faith: a journey to healing, wholeness, and harmony".  It's a short but powerful and inspiring read. The goal is to stand firm during the storms, trusting that our Lord cares for us and that we will emerge victorious and stronger after it passes. 

For Reflection
What storm are you going through, friend? Relationship issues? Financial problems? Health problems? Whatever it is, do not let it steal your peace. Keep your heart and mind set on Jesus and stay in peace. Trust God to be your strength, your strong tower, your protector. I encourage you to read Psalm 34. 

If this post was helpful consider joining our community to receive my weekly posts, enter your email address in the box provided. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Other Offerings 

I have a ton of offerings for you to take advantage of. Check out my collection of spiritual tips, recipes, fashion, health, healing and wellness, and much more on Pinterest. 

If this post resonated with you, you may enjoy my newest book, "Ignite the Power Within: 10 Steps to Supercharge Your Spiritual Growth". In it, I share the ten steps I have found to spiritual growth that will give you more power, more purpose, more connection and more JOY!

Find it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble & Apple Books or place a discounted order with me by sending 4.99 via Zelle to arielpaz08@gmail.com. 

And if you love to cook, like I do, order your copy of my new cookbook, "Mediterranean Mom's Family Favorites". Over 150 pages of deliciousness and most recipes are made in 30 min or less. Digital copy available for $24.99. Use my email address arielpaz08@gmail.com to order thru Zelle or $26.99 thru Paypal.

Stay tuned for more practical and spiritual wisdom to help you ignite the power within!

Until next time, shalom and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

How to Set Better Boundaries

What stresses you out? I don't know about you, but certain people stress me out. And most of them are family members. Sadly. I find myself ruminating on how I could have/should have handled situations differently during the day. The answer is always "set better boundaries" and that is the topic I'm sharing on today. 

Boundaries are HUGE in regards to limiting the stress in our lives. Just because someone is a family member, doesn't mean we always have to say "yes" to them or agree with them. It doesn't mean we have to ALLOW - say ALLOW - poor behavior. We can have our OWN opinions even if they disagree with us or tell us otherwise. And we deserve to be treated with RESPECT AND KINDNESS. 

Since one of the goals of this blog is to help us to find more harmony in our lives, it is important to realize that stress also comes from taking too much c--- from other people. Pardon my french. Today we'll be talking about how to reduce the stress caused by other people by setting firmer boundaries. 

If we want  more peace in our lives, we MUST learn:
 a) to minimize or eliminate the stressors from our lives 
 b) how to deal with people a healthier way and
 c) set firmer boundaries sooner

I bet you'll agree a lot of stress comes from other people - usually those who are related to us or are emotionally connected such as a spouse, a boyfriend, a son or daughter, a close friend.

Are You Too Nice?

It doesn't matter who in your life is causing you stress.  For years, I have allowed too much c--p from boyfriends, relatives, ex-husband, and close friends and it has been very unhealthy for me. Poor boundaries are usually at the crux of the problem. This was a tough lesson for me to learn and I keep getting  refresher courses. 

Perhaps like me you've been told "You're too nice". Nice people get hurt - a lot. Until we get to the breaking point and declare "Enough is enough." So what to do about people who cause you stress? Here are 8 tips to put into practice starting today.

1. Tell the other person how you feel. 
Yes, it takes vulnerability to express our hurts, but it also is a sign of self-respect and shows a willingess to want to improve the relationship if it is to move forward. People are not mind-readers. Many times the other person is oblivious to how their behavior is impacting us so it is up to us to make them aware.
 
The difficulty here is that some people are not emotionally mature enough to hear you. Don't be surprised if they get defensive, raise their voice, or get angry.

Several years ago, I confronted a long time friend who had divulged a confidence to her entire family and who knows who else. When I asked her about it, she got very defensive and retorted "Well then, just don't tell me anything anymore!" What kind of friendship is that? A friendship is built on trust.  She did not taken ownership. She did not apologize. People who react this way are not emotionally mature enough to handle direct confrontation. Or they may also be too insecure or prideful to face up to their actions. Don't let this be you. Fess up when you screw up and make amends. 

If someone really and truly cares about you, they will care about your feelings. They will apologize and they will take ownership of their behavior. They will offer to make amends and attempt to change going forward. This is what you want if a relationship is to grow. 

2. Refuse to allow bad treatment. 
This might seem obvious, but I am guilty of allowing mistreatment because I valued the relationship more - apparently - than I valued my own well-being and mental and emotional health. I made excuses such as "Well, he's my son" or "He's my husband". Forget it. 

No person has the right to mistreat another either emotionally, physically, or verbally and this includes name-calling, labeling, raising their voice, blaming, and judging. These are all toxic behavior patters that should not be tolerated. It is time to put your foot down and stop allowing them to get away with disrespectful behavior.

This is where boundaries come in. Instead of making excuses for the other person, we need to GET REALLY CLEAR on what we will and will not allow and make that clear to the other party. For example, I told my mom that she needs to calm herself down before she calls me for help. Emotions are contagious. I cannot have her anxiety streaming over to me. To her credit, she learned how to calm herself down most of the time. 

3. Do not tolerate psychological torment and manipulation. 
Since he was a teenager, my oldest son has disconnected from me for months and years at a time. This has been a pattern. Meanwhile, I was an emotional wreck wondering when or if I would hear from him again. This is a form of manipulation and control. When he finally reconnects and I ask him why he disconnected, he never has an answer. Disconnecting for long periods of time is mental manipulation. The Bible says "Do not let the sun go down on your anger," which means deal with issues sooner rather than later. Don't put off confronting but some people are weak and afraid. 

Do not allow yourself to be imprisoned by another person's immaturity. If people don't want to be in relationship with you - no matter who they are - you don't need them in your life. Period. Let God take care of them while you take care of you. 

4. Clearly communicate the change you want to see or the need you want met. 
This is a very key component to moving forward in a healthier way. Apologies are a nice first step but you cannot have reconciliation without behavior change. Be very clear about what you need from the other person. Some examples are:
"I need you to keep your voice down when you talk to me."
"I need you to be on time when we are going somewhere."
"I need you to not drink so much when we go out."

"I need you to control your temper."

"I need you to be kind to me."

A handy tool to communicate your needs is an "I feel" statement. "I feel threatened and unsafe when you raise your voice to me." Never start a sentence with "You...". This will immediately put the other person on the defensive. Make it about YOUR needs and feelings.

5. Expect the other person to put equal effort into the relationship going forward. 
 Often codependent people put all the work into relationships. We feel it is our responsibility to make a relationship work when in reality, it takes two to make any relationship work. If you feel you are constantly the one to reach out and connect, there is something out of balance.

Relationships are a two-way street. The Bible says "Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF." In other words, love YOURSELF first and then love others. Somehow as a codependent, I missed the part about loving myself. 

When we pull back, we allow the other person to step up to the plate. I remember telling my mother this years ago. Her answer was "I didn't know I had to put effort into our relationship." Wow. 

6. Learn to set healthier boundaries.

If we are continually hurt or taken advantage of, half of the responsibility lies with us. People will continue to act out, until we refuse to allow it. We need to know and respect our own limits - what we will and will not tolerate and what makes us feel stressed or pressured. This is where the word "No" is powerful.  Here's a recent personal story to illustrate.

Personal Story 
On a visit with family who live out-of-state, I had the "opportunity" to hear "No" quite a bit. My then 80-something mother refused to let me drive her car. As anyone who has driven with an elderly person knows, their reactions are not quite as timely as they need to be. With all the sudden braking and accelerating, I wound up getting motion sick several times till I finally refused to go anywhere with her unless I drove.  I had to say "No" to her "No". This is called "setting healthy boundaries": say no to any behavior that is hurtful or harmful. To her, driving was a control issue. To me it was a safety and health issue.

7. Put distance between yourself and the other person. 
 If the other person cannot or will not accept your boundaries, then it may be time to give each other some space. This means emotional and physical distance. Give them space and give yourself a breather.

You don't have to be the one putting all the effort into the relationship. Ask yourself how you feel after you've interacted with this person. If you feel stressed, anxious, or depleted this is a sign something needs to change.

By giving each other space, I do not mean months or years. I mean hours or at most, a few days to cool off, calm down, and process. This should not take weeks or months. Unaddressed issues just get worse and distorted over time if not handled in a timely manner. People forget what actually happened. They only remember what they want to remember. It's not good to let unresolved issues linger. 

8. Be willing to give up the relationship.
You've heard the old saying "If you love someone, let them go". If someone keeps repeating the same hurtful behaviors after you've asked them to change, it may be time to let them go, hard as that can be. If they care about you and the relationship they will change their behavior. It may take some time depending on how busy they are or how much energy they have to change. The key is to be strong enough not to keep going back to them unless you see a change in behavior. This goes for addicts and alcoholics but also those charmers who keep luring us back by their manipulative ways. 

Those of us who were raised in an abusive environment have learned to tolerate abuse. Any form of abuse - emotional, physical, or psychological, is UNACCEPTABLE. When we keep going back to someone or letting them manipulate or otherwise intimidate  us, we are in effect saying:
    "It's ok for you to treat me this way" when it absolutely is NOT.

We have to come to the point where we put our well-being and self-respect ABOVE any relationship. We have to learn what is abusive, manipulative, or controlling and set a boundary or leave the relationship. 

Practice makes perfect. 
Well, maybe not perfect, but we will become more aware of when we need to put our foot down. We need to retrain our automatic response from "Yes" to "No". We need to learn to become aware of our feelings of uncomfort sooner rather than later. At first, we might feel guilty because we are  accustomed to allowing and making excuses for other people's behavior but the sense of peace and personal power we will feel from saying "No, this is unacceptable" feels so much better.

The verse from scripture that addresses this issue is Matthew 18:18 which says this: "Whatever you bind(forbid) on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatever you loose (allow) on earth, shall be loosed in heaven."  In other words, if we want more peace here on earth, we have to forbid the things that cause us to lose it which includes some people and their behavior.

For Reflection

Who in your life causes you stress? What are their typical tactics? What boundaries can you set with them to protect your peace? What is holding you back from setting better boundaries? 

If you want more peace and less stress in your relationships, I encourage you to implement these tips. You will be amazed at how empowered and peaceful you will feel and you will begin the process of taking back your life.

If you want to learn more about taking back your life, order a copy of my book, "Take Back Your Life: 5 Keys to Reclaiming Your Personal Power" available at your favorite online bookseller or thru me at a discount. Simply use Zelle to email me (arielpaz08@gmail.com)  $2.99 and learn how to get your power back. 

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. In addition to my weekly posts, you'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". It's a short read that will help you find which path is right for you. 

For more on these and other topics of interest such as cooking, health and wellness,  decluttering, and a whole lot more, follow me on Pinterest.  

Stay tuned for more insights to help you find healing, wholeness, and harmony and enjoy the life you deserve!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Follow me @ArielPaz on:

Twitter

Pinterest

Facebook

Instagram 

LinkedIn 

Ignite the Power within Step 3: The Power of Letting Go

You've most likely heard the phrase "Let go and let God". It's from the Recovery 12-step program. I thought everyone knew what letting go meant until one of my girlfriends asked "How do you let go?" She was serious. Her husband had died more than 10 years ago and she was still grieving. So today, I'm going to do my best to explain the concept of letting go in practical terms. 

The lesson of learning to let go is powerful and can be applied in many aspects of life. This is one spiritual lesson we keep getting to practice over and over again because it applies to so many areas of life.

What is "letting go"?
Letting go has to do with attachment. We humans tend to get attached: to the past, to people, pets, material possessions, as well as negative thought patterns and bad habits to name a few. The problem is we become too attached. We hold on too tightly and then, inevitably, we suffer: a loved one dies or moves on, a material possession is lost, broken, or damaged, or a pet runs away or dies. The passage in Isaiah 43:18-19 says this "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past".

When we hold on to negative thought patterns or emotions, we prevent ourselves from moving forward in life like a rat on a wheel going nowhere. Faulty beliefs and patterns keep us stuck. It is a choice to think on things above as it says in Phil 4:8. "Think on things that are pure, true, noble, admirable, lovely, and praiseworthy." I have to admit, this is a struggle for me, too, especially when one is brought up in a critical home environment and praise was based on performance. 

When to let go
Impermanence and change are undeniable truths of our existence. Everything on earth is changing. The seasons change. The weather changes. People change. Technology changes. Change is part of life whether we like it or not. It is all part of the circle and evolution of life. So how do we know when it is time to let go?

One way to know it is time to let go is to ask ourselves these question:s "Is this bearing any fruit in my life?", "Am I emotionally stuck?" or "Is this serving me right now?"  If the answer we get is no, it is time to put whatever it is behind us, adopt new ways of thinking and relating, and move on.

A second sign is lingering emotional or mental pain. For example, when we hold on to a dysfunctional relationship for too long, we will eventually lose our joy and our peace. Constant conflict and friction are signs. I have been guilty of holding on to relationships for far too long so I know what I am talking about. 

Grieving Loss 
It's normal and crucial to grieve the loss of a loved one or beloved pet. A counselor once told me "The price of love is grief" and that is so true. When we love much, the grief of the loss is heavy, but grieve we must if we want to move thru it to the other side and regain our joy and our peace.

It is, however, not healthy if the grieving goes on year after year and we are constantly dwelling on the loss. At some point, we must make a conscious effort to not dwell on the hurt of the loss because this steals the joy from today and prevents us from living in the present moment.

Letting go is a process we get to practice again and again in different situations.  Whenever I feel like my joy is gone, I ask myself "What do I need to let go of?" There is usually something that is stealing my peace and joy. The good news is with practice, we will recognize sooner rather than later when we need to let go of something or someone. 

For Reflection

What can you let go of today? A broken relationship? A garage or house full of stuff? The pain from a past hurt? I encourage you to give it to God and let him replace it with the fruit of the Spirit in the present moment. 

If this post was helpful, leave a comment, ask a question, and share it with a friend in need. If you'd like to join our community, enter your email in the box provided. I'll also send you a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path",

Stay tuned for my next post to encourage, educate and inspire you. 

Until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz