A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Dance

Do you hate getting lost? I do. It doesn't happen often but when it does, I know I'm in for a test. It seems like it happens when I'm in a hurry to get someplace. You know the feeling, I'm sure. Life's frustrations can cause us to lose our peace and get angry, but today we'll talk about how to let go of anger and frustration before they steal our joy and ruin our day.

It was a Friday night and my son, Jon, and I were out celebrating his 30th birthday. We had just finished a lovely meal at a Spanish restaurant in Houston and were headed to a dance studio to take a salsa lesson at 9 pm. We had less than 30 minutes to get there. On the way to the car after dinner, I started to get excited about the evening. It would be the first dance lesson my son has had and perhaps I was more excited than he. I had found a coupon for free entry if we arrived before 9:30.

"This is going to be so much fun!" I exclaimed as I settled into his new Nissan with the homemade birthday cake on my lap.

Now, Houston is not exactly the easiest place to get around. The city is huge and so are the highways. Jon plugged in the address of the studio into his trusty GPS and waited. And waited. And waited. No response.

"I know where this place is," he announced and pulled out of the parking spot.

"We're looking for 59 north," he said.

As we headed out of the city, it seemed we were going into nowhereland.

"I don't see any signs for 59 north," I said. After circling the side roads, we eventually hit a dead end. Jon's tone was becoming firmer and the tension in the air was getting thicker by the minute.

"Doesn't look like we're going to make the lesson, so we might as well go home," he announced. It was like someone stuck a pin in my balloon of anticipation and excitement.

"Ok, if that's what you want to do," I surrendered.

Then Jon says: "I think the enemy is trying to get us into a fight to ruin the evening. But he's not going to get his way. Forget this GPS. I think I know how to get us there," Jon stated with a renewed sense of determination. My hopes started to rise again as he found the way to a highway.

It was 9:20 when we pulled into the parking lot of the studio.

"Let's take a few breaths," Jon said and we both sat in silence for a few minutes collecting ourselves.

Peace must be fought for.

We knew we had avoided a close call and we both accepted that fact that we had missed the lesson.

"At least we made it in time to get in free," I offered.

We stepped into the studio. The place was hopping with activity.

"I guess the lesson is over," I said to the gal checking us in at the door.

"No, as a matter of fact, it is going to start in 5 minutes."

Jon and I looked at each other in amazement. We both knew what had happened.

"That's God's favor," Jon says quietly. "Because we didn't get into an argument in the car,".

I was grateful for both the unexpected blessing of the dance lesson and for the fact that Jon was so wise to have learned this lesson so young. It had taken me years to realize this.

So, next time you find yourself in a tense situation that is out of your control, remember to defuse it by surrendering. When we choose peace instead of conflict, we not only save our energy and our spirits, but God smiles upon us with favor.

If you enjoyed this post and would like to receive my bi-weekly posts, enter your email in the box provided and I'll send you a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Love to hear your feedback on your latest adventure and until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel

Ignite the Power Within Step 2: How to Make Better Choices

Life is all about choices, isn't it? Every day we make dozens of choices, some conscious and some not. We make a choice about what time to get up in the morning. What to have for breakfast. What to wear to work. Some choices are automatic and others we have to think about. The great news is we can make new and different choices each and every day. You can transform your life by changing the choices you make and it all starts with changing how you think.

Now this concept is not new. In fact, 2000 or so years ago, the Apostle Paul encouraged us to "Be transformed daily by the renewing of our minds" (Romans 12:2). What we read, watch, listen to and who we hang around all program our minds without us realizing it. Funny story.

Years ago, when I worked for the state government, there was a lovely coworker who had the habit of making a "Tsk tsk" kind of sound with her mouth. Believe it or not, after several months of being around her, I, too, started making this same sound. People influence us. Television influences us. Magazines and photos are a strong influence. Music influences us. We have to be mindful of what is influencing our minds.

Our thoughts are extremely powerful.We have the ability to change our lives by simply changing our thoughts.  They can motivate and encourage us or they can cause us to be depressed and down. Norman Vincent Peale said when we change our thoughts, we change our world. What we think about and dwell on, is eventually what will manifest itself in our lives.

Just because an ad on television features a mouth-watering pizza or cheeseburger, doesn't mean we have to pick up the phone and order a delivery. Just because someone brings in donuts at the office or has a candy dish on their desk, does not mean we have to indulge. It's not only outside messages we have to watch out for, we also need to be aware of the messages we are sending ourselves.

For example, instead of saying to yourself, "I'm too lazy to exercise" start reprogramming your mind by saying "I am self-controlled and disciplined.  I will exercise today because I value my health and my body and I want to keep it in good shape." Instead of saying "I don't have any will power ," say "I am powerful and I can control what I eat, drink, say, think etc". Our beliefs impact our thoughts which in turn impact our actions. You are more powerful than you realize. Give yourself more credit.

You have the ability to recreate yourself every day. Reality starts in our minds every morning when we get up. Many years ago, I memorized a verse of scripture to start my day off on a positive note:

"This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it." (Ps. 118: 24).

No matter whether the sun is out or not, how well I slept the night before, or what I need to deal with that day,  I make a conscious decision to put on an attitude of gratitude and joy.  Our day will go better when we set a positive tone first thing in the morning.

Step 2 to Igniting the Power Within asks us to take control of our thoughts. We are to think on things that are true, noble, and of good report. In other words, focus on the positive. Dwelling on negative thoughts like what someone said or did to us or a mistake we made, keeps us stuck in yesterday, drains our energy from today, and leads us into a downward spiral of inertia that sidetracks us from our destiny.

Here's an exercise to help you gain more control of your thoughts. For 5 or 10 minutes a day, stop and observe what you are thinking about. If you can sit down and close your eyes all the better. You may be surprised where your mind has wandered. Then take a few minutes to totally clear your mind of any thoughts. Pay attention to your breath.  Lastly, replace any negative thoughts with good, positive, energizing thoughts. Give it a try and see how much better you feel!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. In addition to my bi-weekly posts, you'll also recieve a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Until next time, stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and discovering your destiny!

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

11 Signs You May Be in an Unhealthy Relationship

Remember the last time someone blew up at you? Hung up on you? Lost their temper out of the blue? Said something that really hurt you?  How about finding out someone is not who you thought they were? You could be dealing with an unsafe person.

So how do we spot unsafe people? Here is a list of some, but not all, of the signs to help us identify the unsafe people in our lives. 

1. Wears a fake smile
2. Is moody much of the time and goes for long periods of disconnection
3. Doesn't reciprocate your friendship, return calls, extend invitations, etc.
4. Only comes to you when they need you
5. Gets defensive when confronted
6. Focuses on the negative
7. Gossips
8. Condemns and judges rather than forgives
9. Is unreliable
10. Is self-absorbed
11. Denies the impact of their behavior on you and others 

A sure sign you've touched on a problem in the relationship is #5 - he or she gets defensive when confronted. Here's a personal story.

I called a friend who had been in a lot of physical pain to see how she was doing. During the conversation, she made what I'll call "one of her comments". You know the kind - the stabbing but subtle so you're not really sure how to take it kind of comment That day, I decided it was time to say something to her.  One never knows how the other person is going to react, but I was prepared. As I held the phone away from my ear, she went on and on and finally hung up. Red flag! Now this woman appeared to be meek, soft-spoken and kind so I was quite surprised at her reaction. She never called back to apologize. This is an example of an unsafe person.

Safe people care about your feelings. They don't minimize them. They take responsibility for their actions. Not only do they apologize sincerely, they make an effort to change their behavior. Everyone has their sensitivities and if we value the relationship we will put forth the effort.

Unsafe people are inauthentic and spiritually immature. They are not comfortable in who they are so they pretend to be someone they are not. They react rather than respond. They break off relationships rather than set boundaries and deal with differences.  They cannot handle confrontation without getting defensive. Confrontation takes courage and energy. It is a way of preserving and improving the relationship when handled correctly.

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you will often feel uncomfortable. Pay attention to your feelings. They are trying to tell you something. They are warning you that something is not quite right. It is only a matter of time before the true person emerges. Sadly, many people have pretended for so long, they are good at hiding behind a mask. It takes time to see the real person. Often we have developed an emotional attachment to the other person or we so want to be in relationship, our neediness prevents us from seeing and dealing with the problem. No relationship is worth losing your self-respect over. 

A more healthy and safe response from my friend would have sounded something like this. "Gee, I am sorry I said that. I didn't mean to offend you. I will be more careful in the future to not say/do things like that." See the difference? A safe person CARES about your feelings and their impact on you. This person has taken ownership of their actions. They do not judge, blame, or defend themselves. They can accept criticism however it is delivered. Safe people care about maintaining a healthy and authentic relationship.

It is important to realize that we all have areas where we can come up higher and behaviors that are unsafe which emerge from time to time.  Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." We are meant to be in community, not live isolated lives. We must also be willing and able to handle confrontation. None of us is perfect but ignoring problems only allows them to persist. Relationships cannot grow unless problems are addressed in a healthy manner. This includes self-reflection, confrontation, and the willingness to change.

What relationship difficulties have you experienced? Reflect upon a situation where you felt uncomfortable. How did you handle the situation? If you have spotted any other unsafe behaviors, feel free to share them with us either in the comments below or on Facebook.

We're all on a spiritual journey whether we realize it or not. We are here on this earth to grow and to become whole. If you'd like to join our blog community and receive my bi-weekly posts, enter your email in the box provided and I'll send you my free guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Until next time, be authentic, be caring and keep looking up!


Ariel

Ignite the Power Within Step 7: 4 Ways to Be a Better Listener

Contrary to common practice, if we want to increase our personal power, we don't need to do more talking. Everyone wants to be heard and understood but if everyone is doing all the talking, who is going to do the listening?

Listening is a skill that is critical to develop if we want to understand and connect with others. It shows we have a real interest and value for the other person. Sadly, good listening is rapidly becoming a lost art. Many people are so intent on getting their point across, proving themselves right, or thinking what they are going to say next, they totally tune out the other person and miss the message that is being communicated. They also miss the opportunity to really connect with the other party. Here are some listening tips I have learned along the way:

1. Talk less, listen more. 
It's been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth so we would listen twice as much as we speak. I think that is wise advice, yet listening is more of a skill than talking. We all know people who can talk your ear off while we sit there nodding our heads and wondering whether or not to interrupt. So why should we be better listeners?

2. Resist the urge to interrupt. 
Listening takes discipline and self-control. The urge to respond, rebut, justify, or defend ourselves is great. It takes self-control to resist interrupting and jumping in to finish the other person's thought.

3. Respect the speaker.  
Now I have struggled in this area as well, but I am getting better. In fact, I've been told I have the gift of listening by several people. Perhaps it's because I also know how frustrating it can be to try to be heard. Here's a personal story.

When I was married years ago,  I would come home from teaching my aerobics class. I'd be so excited I wanted to tell hubby about my evening.
     "I'm listening," he'd say, but the newspaper he was holding blocked my view.
     "Would you please put down the newspaper?"
After a couple of times repeating my request for his attention, I'd walk away, head and spirit down.

4. Make eye contact.
If I have to ask someone to listen or if I'm not sure they're paying much attention, I just say "Never mind" and move on. They usually get the message. These days, I'm not going to waste my energy begging someone to listen.

For 10 principles on learning to be a better listener, check out this article .

When we learn to listen well, we will communicate better with others and better communication leads to more personal power, connection, and influence. I'd like to hear what tips you have on listening well, so please leave a comment here or on Facebook.

If you'd like a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path",  enter your email address in the box provided.

Until next time, stay tuned for step 8 in Igniting the Power Within and keep looking up!

Ariel  Paz

How to Find Joy in the Tough Times

As I watch the recap of the events of this year, I realize how desperate the times have become. It can be depressing to watch too much of the news these days. Yet Christmas is upon us and once again we have the opportunity to receive the true gifts Christ came to bring: hope, peace, joy, and love. Despite the difficult circumstances of our lives, it is still possible to have joy when we know what it is and where to find it.

So many years ago, the angels proclaimed tidings of great joy at the birth of the baby Jesus. What is joy exactly? Have you ever thought about it? Is it the same as happiness? Many mistake joy and happiness for the same thing, but they are not.

At a Christmas party here at my complex a few years ago, I had quite a lively discussion with some neighbors about the differences between joy, happiness, and contentment. Seems folks have very different takes on what each of these are.

"I'm content", I commented.
"You mean you're settling," he said.
"No, I am content. At peace with my life."
"Well, I'd rather be happy," he said.
"Happiness depends on our circumstances and is temporary," I countered.
"Contentment is boring," he replied.
"What about joy?" I asked.
No answer.

I decided to take a poll at a nearby table and asked what everyone thought. The question precipitated quite a variety of answers.

Philosophers define happiness in terms of the good life. The Declaration of Independence says that "the pursuit of happiness" is an inalienable right. Happiness speaks to the external qualities of life such as health, wealth, & beauty. Happiness has to do with our feelings and like our feelings, happiness can change in an instant. It's easy to feel good when all is well, but what happens when our external circumstances change? Our finances take a nose dive? The doctor gives us bad news or a relationship blows up in our face? What then?

When circumstances are hard and happiness eludes you, consider the deeper gift of Joy.

Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart that comes from knowing who God is and how much He loves you. Here is a good explanation of Joy.

It does not come from new clothes or jewelry, a new car,  relationships, or anything external. These things may make us happy for a while, but they do not bring us true joy. True Joy comes from connecting with the Spirit of God. When I am connected to God and my circumstances fail to provide me with the temporal happiness my flesh craves, Joy still pervades my soul and my spirit. Consider this verse from Ecclesiastes 2:26 :

"For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God."


Joy is a gift of God that Jesus came to bring us at this time of year. Jesus came to earth so that we may know God and that we may receive his gifts. Jesus is a choice we make.

Kay Warren, wife of Pastor Rick Warren, suffered the lost of their son through suicide. Talk about devastating circumstances. Here is what she has to say about joy.
http://www.christianpost.com/news/kay-warren-saddleback-church-co-founder-helps-christians-to-choose-joy-71725/

If your circumstances are less than perfect or the events of this world are getting you down this holiday season, do not despair. You can still find  joy.

If you are broken-hearted, sad, or grieving, you can still find joy.

If you are stressed out with all the demands of the season, relax. You can still find joy.

Christmas reminds us once again that God promises to always be with us, no matter where we are or what we are going through. Jesus' name "Emmanuel" means exactly that "God with us".

So today, if you have lost the joy in your life, I encourage you to find time to meet with the Giver of Joy and get to know the Christ-child, Jesus, this season. He will fill you will an unexplicable joy that never changes.

If you enjoyed this post and you'd like to receive my bi-weekly posts, please enter your name in the email box provided. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" to help you along your way. 

Until next time, Merry Christmas and as always, keep looking up!

Ariel

6 Ways to Stay at Peace Around Emotionally Reactive People

It seems like the shorter the days get,  the shorter people's fuses are. As the holiday dash and end of year activities increase, people are much more likely to be impatient, make hurtful comments, and get defensive. Over the past two weeks, I've encountered quite a few reactive personalities and maybe you have too. Today's post is about the impact of emotional reactivity and how to manage it when you are on the receiving end.  

I don't know about you, but I don't like it when when someone raises their voice. Much of the time the person isn't even aware of it and I have to say "Could you please lower your voice?" or "It sounds like you're getting defensive about this."  How about when someone  throws a temper tantrum?Tantrums are for two-year olds but apparently some adults regress when they get triggered. What about those emails with ALL CAPS and !!!!!. I think you get the picture.

Some people can brush off these emotional bombs easier than others. As a highly sensitive person and empath, I tend to feel emotions much more deeply than most people. Empaths absorb emotions easily which can cause disturbing physical symptoms.  If you happen to be the unlucky recipient of someone's emotional outburst, here are some techniques to help us all deflect the negative emotional energy and keep our peace.

1. Don't take it personally.
   Remember when someone is rude, unkind, gets defensive or reacts emotionally, it is about them, not you. Do your best to stay calm and keep your voice low. Do not get defensive and retaliate which will only escalate the interaction and cause more damage to the relationship. When someone over-reacts there is usually something going on beneath the surface that the other person may not be aware of. A good thing to say is "Did something I say upset you?" This will help the other person to realize they had an emotional reaction and gain awareness.

2. Clarify.
    If you're not sure what someone means, rather than get defensive yourself and retaliate, ask this question: "What did you mean by that?". By giving the other person a chance to explain him or herself, it will help minimize misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Many times we receive communication based on our own sensitivities. We all blurt out insensitive comments at times and we often don't realize how we come across to others until it is pointed out to us.

3. Don't overeat, overdrink, or over-exercise to self-medicate your hurt feelings. 
    Get to the root of your emotions and feelings before you sit down to eat, have a drink, or head for the gym or the track. These activities may pacify us temporarily but the healthy approach is to deal with our emotions sooner rather than later. They are not going to go away and burying them is a setup for illness down the road.

4. Set your boundaries. 
The only way relationships change is if someone changes. We have to be clear about what we will and will not tolerate in any given relationship and communicate this to the other party. Poor behavior will continue until we stop allowing it. Only one person has to change in order to effect a change in the relationship.

5. Minimize exposure to the other person.
    This is sometimes difficult to do but it comes down to how much you value your peace of mind, sanity, energy, and health. When we realize what is at stake, it becomes easier to put our foot down, as they say. We must value our own well-being over any relationship. For years, I would put up with abusive behavior from relatives, loved ones, and boyfriends until I realized how much I was hurting myself by allowing this behavior from others. I valued the relationship more than my well-being.

6. Be patient. 
    Change takes time. Wait and see if the other person is willing to try to change for the sake of the relationship. Don't expect people to change long-ingrained habits and behaviors over night. We might have to bring the same issue up many times before the other person "gets it". If they value their relationship with you, they will change. If they don't they won't in which case you don't need them in your life.

If this post was helpful and you'd like to receive my bi-weekly messages, please enter your email address in the box provided to the right. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Until next time, stay in peace and keep looking up!

Ariel 

Keep Calm and Carry On: What We Can Learn from Our European Friends

It's fall.  School is back in session. Traffic is a mess and before long, holiday season and end of year business goals will be pressuring us to get it all done. We get short-tempered, impatient and our immune systems become depleted, but it doesn't have to be this way.

Despite the busy lives most of us lead, we don't have to let the frenetic pace of the world control us. It is possible to be more conscious and calm in our daily lives. Today's post is on staying calm despite the distractions of the day.

This week I returned from a lovely European vacation that I shall remember forever. As a writer, a European vacation provided many opportunities to observe.

Our group was composed of folks from all over the United States, Canada, and Australia. Our tour guide was Spanish and we had various other guides from the different countries we visited. It was quite an active tour but I noticed something. Despite the crowds and the schedules, our tour guides were not frenetic nor did they appear stressed or rushed. The one lady guide in Toledo was particularly at peace. Her walk and her speech were slow and deliberate. She had an air of authority and control about her despite the crowds and the lines.

In Spain, the lifestyle is quite different from that of the United States. The stores close in the after-noon for folks to go home, have a good meal, and maybe a nap. They enjoy their dinner later in the evening with friends and a good bottle of wine.

On the contrary, the American lifestyle is quite different. We run ourselves ragged all day, grab a quick lunch if we pause to have lunch at all. Dinner with family is usually reserved for sundays. We are constantly on the phone or the computer and how many of us make time to nap? I know I do.

Maintaining a calm and staying present  is a practice. Life throws us many different situations particularly when we step outside our comfort zone or we're moving too quickly. I have sticky notes to remind me to take breaks and slow down. Each day is an opportunity to learn and to practice.

When we stay calm and connected, we are less likely to react emotionally. We can make better decisions and we expend less energy. We are able to stay in the present moment and be more aware of our circumstances and surroundings. We won't be as exhausted by the end of the day.

We're all on this journey together so be kind to yourself and to others along the way. If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends, leave a comment or click the +1 icon. If you'd like a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path", enter your email address in the box provided to the right.

In the meantime, stay calm and keep looking up!

Ariel