Ignite the Power Within Step 4: 5 Strategies for Conquering Setbacks

Are you going through a tough time? Adversity strikes us all, often when we least expect it. On the way to seeing our goals and dreams come true, there are setbacks along the way. I like to think of these as potholes in the road of life. They come in different forms: relationship breakups, job loss, and health issues to name a few. They jolt us out of our complacency and sometimes side-track us for awhile. Although most of us would probably prefer a smoother life, I believe the reality is that problems are part and parcel of our personal growth journey and that they really are gifts in disguise. So what to do to when we hit a pothole in life?

1.  Realize life was not meant to be easy.
If that was the case, what would be the point? Sit on a beach somewhere and drink margaritas day in and day out? Spend our lives partying? What would we learn? How would we grow? Would we be motivated to help others? I think not. The pains we experience in life are, as author Rick Warren says in his book, "The Purpose-Driven Life" delivered to us for a purpose.

Take Jesus' life, for example. Talk about suffering. He reminded us that  "In this life you will have trials, but take heart, for I have overcome." (John 16:33). Life was not a bed of roses for him because he had a great destiny to fulfill and so do we.

2. Learn to surrender to what is.
 Accept the fact that we don't always understand why things happen in our lives: an illness strikes, we lose our job, a friend or loved one betrays us. An old friend of mine has a saying "It is what it is". In other words, accept things the way they are.

Now I'm not saying don't do anything to try and change a situation, but some situations are not within our control to change. We can't change other people. We can't change the events of life, but we can change ourselves and how we respond to these. We each have been dealt a hand for a reason, probably only known by God, and we have to live out our lives the best we can so we can be reasonably happy.

3. Choose how to respond to adversity.
When we complain and bemoan about the trials of life, this only magnifies them and makes us more miserable. We ruminate at night about the what ifs and how we are going to handle a situation. We become fearful and irritable.  We expend just as much, if not more energy, being anxious and fretful. This energy could be channeled into positive solutions. The way we choose to respond to adversity is paramount to overcoming life's challenges.

4. Cultivate a positive attitude.
Uncertainty, loss, and overwhelm can make us fearful, but we don't have to let fear overtake us. What we believe about ourselves and, more importantly, what we believe about the existence of a loving and all-powerful God have a lot to do with how we manage the challenges that come at us.

As a single parent who went through an ugly divorce, I faced overwhelm, loss, and uncertainty quite often. I chose to look through the lens of faith rather than fear. Faith pleases God and He will step into our situation when trust Him to work out our problems.

5. Look for the lesson.
Trials are stepping stones to our destiny and I believe every trial has a lesson for us to learn. It is up to us to find that lesson because this is the blessing. Difficult circumstances are meant to refine us, purify us, and make us more like God. When we learn the lesson before us and make the appropriate changes, we propel ourselves to the next level.

Sometimes it takes us a while to figure out what the lesson is. I've noticed that God often presents the same lesson in multiple areas of my life at the same time. It's like "She's not getting it. Let me give it to her over here." As an ex-teacher I can understand this. Here's a quick personal story.

In the late seventies, during the disco era, I was teaching hustle to a class of thirty some adults. I noticed most of the couples grasped the step I was showing them, but a few of them were struggling. As I gave them personal attention, it dawned on me that not everyone learns in the same way, so I explained the step using different terms until there was the "Aha!" moment every teacher lives for.

In the same way, our souls have lessons to learn. This is part of the healing from the wounds of the past. Our parents try to teach us some things. We can learn from them, but they can only teach us what they know. We do ourselves a disservice if we rebel against what they try to teach us but rest assured, God will continue the process throughout our lives.

If we want more peace and harmony during the tough times, it is important to:
1) realize life is not easy
2) surrender to what is
3) choose how to respond to the adversity 
4) have faith 
5) look for the lesson

When we realize trials have purpose, it makes them easier to get through.

If this post was encouraging, leave a comment here or on Facebook.I value your feedback.

If you'd like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided and you'll receive my bi-weekly posts. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and discovering YOUR destiny!

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Ignite the Power Within Step 4: What to Do When You Feel Like Quitting

Ever feel like giving up? Tired of fighting the battles of life? We all feel this way from time to time, especially when we think we're doing the right thing, but we're not seeing any results. If we're going to see our dreams come true, we have to be push-thru kind of people. No matter what we're facing, there is always someone who has it tougher.

Think you have it rough? Well, how would you like to be born without limbs?

While down in Jacksonville, Florida this past week, I happened to be on the beach where the Never Quit Beach Challenge was taking place. Thousands of competitors wearing shirts with the motto "Never Quit" filled the beach. There were swimmers, surfers, and runners. The marines wore shirts that said "Pain is weakness leaving the body". Young girls 5 - 6 yrs old were doing chin presses on the bar. Parachute jumpers decorated the sky. It was quite a sight to behold.

Then I heard the opening prayer by a man named Nick Vujicic. He praised my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, right there in public amidst thousands of people. "Who is this guy?" I asked as I tried to hold back the tears welling up in me.

Nick Vujicic is an australian born in 1982 in Brisbane, Australia - with no arms or legs. Today he is a college graduate with two degrees, an author, a CEO, and a motivational speaker. He was also a participant in the three part race.

Now how's that for faith and inspiration? Check out this website for more info on the race and it's origins. The whole event certainly inspired me. So next time you think you're having a hard time, think of Nick Vujicic and remember his motto and mine - Never give up!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided and you'll receive my bi-weekly posts. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on how to stay in the game of life and see your dreams become reality.

Until next time, keep the faith and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Dance

Do you hate getting lost? I do. It doesn't happen often but when it does, I know I'm in for a test. It seems like it happens when I'm in a hurry to get someplace. You know the feeling, I'm sure. Life's frustrations can cause us to lose our peace and get angry, but today we'll talk about how to let go of anger and frustration before they steal our joy and ruin our day.

It was a Friday night and my son, Jon, and I were out celebrating his 30th birthday. We had just finished a lovely meal at a Spanish restaurant in Houston and were headed to a dance studio to take a salsa lesson at 9 pm. We had less than 30 minutes to get there. On the way to the car after dinner, I started to get excited about the evening. It would be the first dance lesson my son has had and perhaps I was more excited than he. I had found a coupon for free entry if we arrived before 9:30.

"This is going to be so much fun!" I exclaimed as I settled into his new Nissan with the homemade birthday cake on my lap.

Now, Houston is not exactly the easiest place to get around. The city is huge and so are the highways. Jon plugged in the address of the studio into his trusty GPS and waited. And waited. And waited. No response.

"I know where this place is," he announced and pulled out of the parking spot.

"We're looking for 59 north," he said.

As we headed out of the city, it seemed we were going into nowhereland.

"I don't see any signs for 59 north," I said. After circling the side roads, we eventually hit a dead end. Jon's tone was becoming firmer and the tension in the air was getting thicker by the minute.

"Doesn't look like we're going to make the lesson, so we might as well go home," he announced. It was like someone stuck a pin in my balloon of anticipation and excitement.

"Ok, if that's what you want to do," I surrendered.

Then Jon says: "I think the enemy is trying to get us into a fight to ruin the evening. But he's not going to get his way. Forget this GPS. I think I know how to get us there," Jon stated with a renewed sense of determination. My hopes started to rise again as he found the way to a highway.

It was 9:20 when we pulled into the parking lot of the studio.

"Let's take a few breaths," Jon said and we both sat in silence for a few minutes collecting ourselves.

Peace must be fought for.

We knew we had avoided a close call and we both accepted that fact that we had missed the lesson.

"At least we made it in time to get in free," I offered.

We stepped into the studio. The place was hopping with activity.

"I guess the lesson is over," I said to the gal checking us in at the door.

"No, as a matter of fact, it is going to start in 5 minutes."

Jon and I looked at each other in amazement. We both knew what had happened.

"That's God's favor," Jon says quietly. "Because we didn't get into an argument in the car,".

I was grateful for both the unexpected blessing of the dance lesson and for the fact that Jon was so wise to have learned this lesson so young. It had taken me years to realize this.

So, next time you find yourself in a tense situation that is out of your control, remember to defuse it by surrendering. When we choose peace instead of conflict, we not only save our energy and our spirits, but God smiles upon us with favor.

If you enjoyed this post and would like to receive my bi-weekly posts, enter your email in the box provided and I'll send you a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Love to hear your feedback on your latest adventure and until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel

Ignite the Power Within Step 2: How to Make Better Choices

Life is all about choices, isn't it? Every day we make dozens of choices, some conscious and some not. We make a choice about what time to get up in the morning. What to have for breakfast. What to wear to work. Some choices are automatic and others we have to think about. The great news is we can make new and different choices each and every day. You can transform your life by changing the choices you make and it all starts with changing how you think.

Now this concept is not new. In fact, 2000 or so years ago, the Apostle Paul encouraged us to "Be transformed daily by the renewing of our minds" (Romans 12:2). What we read, watch, listen to and who we hang around all program our minds without us realizing it. Funny story.

Years ago, when I worked for the state government, there was a lovely coworker who had the habit of making a "Tsk tsk" kind of sound with her mouth. Believe it or not, after several months of being around her, I, too, started making this same sound. People influence us. Television influences us. Magazines and photos are a strong influence. Music influences us. We have to be mindful of what is influencing our minds.

Our thoughts are extremely powerful.We have the ability to change our lives by simply changing our thoughts.  They can motivate and encourage us or they can cause us to be depressed and down. Norman Vincent Peale said when we change our thoughts, we change our world. What we think about and dwell on, is eventually what will manifest itself in our lives.

Just because an ad on television features a mouth-watering pizza or cheeseburger, doesn't mean we have to pick up the phone and order a delivery. Just because someone brings in donuts at the office or has a candy dish on their desk, does not mean we have to indulge. It's not only outside messages we have to watch out for, we also need to be aware of the messages we are sending ourselves.

For example, instead of saying to yourself, "I'm too lazy to exercise" start reprogramming your mind by saying "I am self-controlled and disciplined.  I will exercise today because I value my health and my body and I want to keep it in good shape." Instead of saying "I don't have any will power ," say "I am powerful and I can control what I eat, drink, say, think etc". Our beliefs impact our thoughts which in turn impact our actions. You are more powerful than you realize. Give yourself more credit.

You have the ability to recreate yourself every day. Reality starts in our minds every morning when we get up. Many years ago, I memorized a verse of scripture to start my day off on a positive note:

"This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it." (Ps. 118: 24).

No matter whether the sun is out or not, how well I slept the night before, or what I need to deal with that day,  I make a conscious decision to put on an attitude of gratitude and joy.  Our day will go better when we set a positive tone first thing in the morning.

Step 2 to Igniting the Power Within asks us to take control of our thoughts. We are to think on things that are true, noble, and of good report. In other words, focus on the positive. Dwelling on negative thoughts like what someone said or did to us or a mistake we made, keeps us stuck in yesterday, drains our energy from today, and leads us into a downward spiral of inertia that sidetracks us from our destiny.

Here's an exercise to help you gain more control of your thoughts. For 5 or 10 minutes a day, stop and observe what you are thinking about. If you can sit down and close your eyes all the better. You may be surprised where your mind has wandered. Then take a few minutes to totally clear your mind of any thoughts. Pay attention to your breath.  Lastly, replace any negative thoughts with good, positive, energizing thoughts. Give it a try and see how much better you feel!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. In addition to my bi-weekly posts, you'll also recieve a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Until next time, stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and discovering your destiny!

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

11 Signs You May Be in an Unhealthy Relationship

Remember the last time someone blew up at you? Hung up on you? Lost their temper out of the blue? Said something that really hurt you?  How about finding out someone is not who you thought they were? You could be dealing with an unsafe person.

So how do we spot unsafe people? Here is a list of some, but not all, of the signs to help us identify the unsafe people in our lives. 

1. Wears a fake smile
2. Is moody much of the time and goes for long periods of disconnection
3. Doesn't reciprocate your friendship, return calls, extend invitations, etc.
4. Only comes to you when they need you
5. Gets defensive when confronted
6. Focuses on the negative
7. Gossips
8. Condemns and judges rather than forgives
9. Is unreliable
10. Is self-absorbed
11. Denies the impact of their behavior on you and others 

A sure sign you've touched on a problem in the relationship is #5 - he or she gets defensive when confronted. Here's a personal story.

I called a friend who had been in a lot of physical pain to see how she was doing. During the conversation, she made what I'll call "one of her comments". You know the kind - the stabbing but subtle so you're not really sure how to take it kind of comment That day, I decided it was time to say something to her.  One never knows how the other person is going to react, but I was prepared. As I held the phone away from my ear, she went on and on and finally hung up. Red flag! Now this woman appeared to be meek, soft-spoken and kind so I was quite surprised at her reaction. She never called back to apologize. This is an example of an unsafe person.

Safe people care about your feelings. They don't minimize them. They take responsibility for their actions. Not only do they apologize sincerely, they make an effort to change their behavior. Everyone has their sensitivities and if we value the relationship we will put forth the effort.

Unsafe people are inauthentic and spiritually immature. They are not comfortable in who they are so they pretend to be someone they are not. They react rather than respond. They break off relationships rather than set boundaries and deal with differences.  They cannot handle confrontation without getting defensive. Confrontation takes courage and energy. It is a way of preserving and improving the relationship when handled correctly.

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you will often feel uncomfortable. Pay attention to your feelings. They are trying to tell you something. They are warning you that something is not quite right. It is only a matter of time before the true person emerges. Sadly, many people have pretended for so long, they are good at hiding behind a mask. It takes time to see the real person. Often we have developed an emotional attachment to the other person or we so want to be in relationship, our neediness prevents us from seeing and dealing with the problem. No relationship is worth losing your self-respect over. 

A more healthy and safe response from my friend would have sounded something like this. "Gee, I am sorry I said that. I didn't mean to offend you. I will be more careful in the future to not say/do things like that." See the difference? A safe person CARES about your feelings and their impact on you. This person has taken ownership of their actions. They do not judge, blame, or defend themselves. They can accept criticism however it is delivered. Safe people care about maintaining a healthy and authentic relationship.

It is important to realize that we all have areas where we can come up higher and behaviors that are unsafe which emerge from time to time.  Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." We are meant to be in community, not live isolated lives. We must also be willing and able to handle confrontation. None of us is perfect but ignoring problems only allows them to persist. Relationships cannot grow unless problems are addressed in a healthy manner. This includes self-reflection, confrontation, and the willingness to change.

What relationship difficulties have you experienced? Reflect upon a situation where you felt uncomfortable. How did you handle the situation? If you have spotted any other unsafe behaviors, feel free to share them with us either in the comments below or on Facebook.

We're all on a spiritual journey whether we realize it or not. We are here on this earth to grow and to become whole. If you'd like to join our blog community and receive my bi-weekly posts, enter your email in the box provided and I'll send you my free guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Until next time, be authentic, be caring and keep looking up!


Ariel

Ignite the Power Within Step 7: 4 Ways to Be a Better Listener

Contrary to common practice, if we want to increase our personal power, we don't need to do more talking. Everyone wants to be heard and understood but if everyone is doing all the talking, who is going to do the listening?

Listening is a skill that is critical to develop if we want to understand and connect with others. It shows we have a real interest and value for the other person. Sadly, good listening is rapidly becoming a lost art. Many people are so intent on getting their point across, proving themselves right, or thinking what they are going to say next, they totally tune out the other person and miss the message that is being communicated. They also miss the opportunity to really connect with the other party. Here are some listening tips I have learned along the way:

1. Talk less, listen more. 
It's been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth so we would listen twice as much as we speak. I think that is wise advice, yet listening is more of a skill than talking. We all know people who can talk your ear off while we sit there nodding our heads and wondering whether or not to interrupt. So why should we be better listeners?

2. Resist the urge to interrupt. 
Listening takes discipline and self-control. The urge to respond, rebut, justify, or defend ourselves is great. It takes self-control to resist interrupting and jumping in to finish the other person's thought.

3. Respect the speaker.  
Now I have struggled in this area as well, but I am getting better. In fact, I've been told I have the gift of listening by several people. Perhaps it's because I also know how frustrating it can be to try to be heard. Here's a personal story.

When I was married years ago,  I would come home from teaching my aerobics class. I'd be so excited I wanted to tell hubby about my evening.
     "I'm listening," he'd say, but the newspaper he was holding blocked my view.
     "Would you please put down the newspaper?"
After a couple of times repeating my request for his attention, I'd walk away, head and spirit down.

4. Make eye contact.
If I have to ask someone to listen or if I'm not sure they're paying much attention, I just say "Never mind" and move on. They usually get the message. These days, I'm not going to waste my energy begging someone to listen.

For 10 principles on learning to be a better listener, check out this article .

When we learn to listen well, we will communicate better with others and better communication leads to more personal power, connection, and influence. I'd like to hear what tips you have on listening well, so please leave a comment here or on Facebook.

If you'd like a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path",  enter your email address in the box provided.

Until next time, stay tuned for step 8 in Igniting the Power Within and keep looking up!

Ariel  Paz

How to Find Joy in the Tough Times

As I watch the recap of the events of this year, I realize how desperate the times have become. It can be depressing to watch too much of the news these days. Yet Christmas is upon us and once again we have the opportunity to receive the true gifts Christ came to bring: hope, peace, joy, and love. Despite the difficult circumstances of our lives, it is still possible to have joy when we know what it is and where to find it.

So many years ago, the angels proclaimed tidings of great joy at the birth of the baby Jesus. What is joy exactly? Have you ever thought about it? Is it the same as happiness? Many mistake joy and happiness for the same thing, but they are not.

At a Christmas party here at my complex a few years ago, I had quite a lively discussion with some neighbors about the differences between joy, happiness, and contentment. Seems folks have very different takes on what each of these are.

"I'm content", I commented.
"You mean you're settling," he said.
"No, I am content. At peace with my life."
"Well, I'd rather be happy," he said.
"Happiness depends on our circumstances and is temporary," I countered.
"Contentment is boring," he replied.
"What about joy?" I asked.
No answer.

I decided to take a poll at a nearby table and asked what everyone thought. The question precipitated quite a variety of answers.

Philosophers define happiness in terms of the good life. The Declaration of Independence says that "the pursuit of happiness" is an inalienable right. Happiness speaks to the external qualities of life such as health, wealth, & beauty. Happiness has to do with our feelings and like our feelings, happiness can change in an instant. It's easy to feel good when all is well, but what happens when our external circumstances change? Our finances take a nose dive? The doctor gives us bad news or a relationship blows up in our face? What then?

When circumstances are hard and happiness eludes you, consider the deeper gift of Joy.

Joy is a state of mind and an orientation of the heart that comes from knowing who God is and how much He loves you. Here is a good explanation of Joy.

It does not come from new clothes or jewelry, a new car,  relationships, or anything external. These things may make us happy for a while, but they do not bring us true joy. True Joy comes from connecting with the Spirit of God. When I am connected to God and my circumstances fail to provide me with the temporal happiness my flesh craves, Joy still pervades my soul and my spirit. Consider this verse from Ecclesiastes 2:26 :

"For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God."


Joy is a gift of God that Jesus came to bring us at this time of year. Jesus came to earth so that we may know God and that we may receive his gifts. Jesus is a choice we make.

Kay Warren, wife of Pastor Rick Warren, suffered the lost of their son through suicide. Talk about devastating circumstances. Here is what she has to say about joy.
http://www.christianpost.com/news/kay-warren-saddleback-church-co-founder-helps-christians-to-choose-joy-71725/

If your circumstances are less than perfect or the events of this world are getting you down this holiday season, do not despair. You can still find  joy.

If you are broken-hearted, sad, or grieving, you can still find joy.

If you are stressed out with all the demands of the season, relax. You can still find joy.

Christmas reminds us once again that God promises to always be with us, no matter where we are or what we are going through. Jesus' name "Emmanuel" means exactly that "God with us".

So today, if you have lost the joy in your life, I encourage you to find time to meet with the Giver of Joy and get to know the Christ-child, Jesus, this season. He will fill you will an unexplicable joy that never changes.

If you enjoyed this post and you'd like to receive my bi-weekly posts, please enter your name in the email box provided. I'll also send you out a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path" to help you along your way. 

Until next time, Merry Christmas and as always, keep looking up!

Ariel