The Lure of Addiction: How to Understand and Help

Do you know someone who struggles with addiction? Perhaps you do. The truth is many of us struggle with addiction to one degree or another. It could be drugs or alcohol, smoking or gambling. It could be overeating, overworking, perfectionism or overachieving. These are all forms of addictions - trying to get a need met in an unhealthy and excessive way. Today we will dive into this relevant and painful subject to understand why people get addicted and what to do about it.

We all need connection and to feel loved, valued, and appreciated, yet many do not. There are a multitude of reasons for this disconnection, such as divorce, the breakdown of the family unit, the need to succeed, and the fast pace of life, to name a few. It takes time and effort to connect to others.

Divorce has divided many families, including my own. Kids feel ignored, unloved, and guilty so they turn to substances such as drugs and alcohol to fill that ache in their hearts. Others turn to abusive relationships to fill that need.

This growing number begs the question - why are so many addicted?

Recently on an Oprah radio, I heard a short part of a dialogue between Russell Brand and Oprah. Russell Brand is a British comedian who was briefly married to the pop music star, Katy Perry. Oprah asked the question if one can ever get over an addiction like to drugs or sex and Russell made a statement that really got me to thinking. It went something like this.

"Addicts are usually very sensitive people who realize they are not connected spiritually and are looking for that feeling from the addictive substance or behavior."

Kind of puts a different spin on the whole addiction thing.  Human beings are made with an internal desire to be connected not only to other people but also to God. We are spiritual beings living in a human body but some fail to recognize this need.

Perhaps you've had an experience with an addict or an addiction, or know someone who does. They are usually very lovable, attractive, seductive, and charming personalities. They make you laugh and they make you cry. But deep down inside, like so many of us, they are hurting and they usually don't know why. So they seek solace and connection in something or someone that temporarily comforts their souls.

Addiction comes in many forms. Some choose alcohol. Others choose smoking, drugs, food, gambling, sex, work, exercise, approval. The list goes on and on. In fact, anything done to excess can be an addiction. And that includes relationships as well. Nothing, not even a relationship, is meant to be a substitute for God.

We all have a spiritual need, a void, a hunger deep down inside. God made us that way; to long for connection. We try and fill this need with so many different things, but only one person will truly fulfill that desire and He is God. Sooner or later most of us come to this realization, usually after we hit rock bottom in one or many areas of our lives. Even the wisest man on earth, King Solomon, came to this conclusion when he said:

"Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" (Ecclesiastes 1:2).

Have you been deeply hurt in the past and look to substances, activities, or people to fill that loneliness and cover the pain?  Today is the day to get to know God. He  wants you to be healed and whole. As I say in my book, "The Power of Faith",  "When we are ready to meet God, He is ready to meet us."

If you'd like to ignite the power within and discover your destiny, join our community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly emails and also a copy of my latest freebie.

Stay tuned for more practical and spiritual wisdom and

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel

How to Improve Your Communication

Ever get frustrated when you're trying to communicate with someone? Either they don't hear you, they misunderstand, they raise their voice, they go off on a tangent or they make random comments that are not related to the topic at hand.  No doubt about it, communication problems can make or break any relationship. 

Many of us want to blame the other person for a miscommunication but this shifts the focus off of who and what we can change - namely ourselves. We have no power over how the other person communicates and if we want to improve the relationship, we will take ownership over our part of the communication issues.

One of the keys to good communication is understanding that there are different styles of communicating. Some people like to chit chat. Others have a goal or a purpose and are to the point. Some people stick to light topics like the weather and sports or the latest Hollywood gossip.  Others like to discuss philosophical ideas and deeper topics such as religion and psychology. The key is to understand we all have different communication styles and personalities.

Here's a personal story. So my sister and I have not been very close over the years. She's been in another state and communication has been infrequent. Lately, due to my mom's situation, we have a need to talk with each other more regularly. It hasn't been easy. I am from a business background and she is not. We have different levels of education and therefore, different ways of thinking. I like to get to the point and get a problem solved. She likes to meander about whatever is going on in her world, regardless of whether it is relevant to the issue at hand. I get impatient. So, realizing this, I shared my frustrations with her. She got it and said she would try to keep her comments succinct. We shall see. 

If you want to improve your communication with others here are 3 keys to consider:

1) Understand what your style of communication is
     Do you like to chit chat or do you prefer having a purpose or a goal to the             interaction?
     Do you think as you speak or do you reflect first and then speak?
     Do you prefer light conversation or deep topics?
     Are you more analytical or more emotional?
     Do you have to be right all the time?

2) Understand what the other person's style is
     Are they hesitant to open up and share their feelings?
     Are they aggressive and loud and try to overpower you?
     Are they emotional?
     Are they opinionated?

     Do they need to always be in the right?
     Are certain topics too sensitive to be discussed?  

3) Make whatever changes you need to in order to bridge the gap.
    If we want to get along with another person, we must be willing to change. This shows maturity. We don't dig in our heels and say "Well, that's just the way I am". No, we take a good look in the mirror and ask ourselves what we can do to get along better with that difficult person in our life. This also shows we CARE about the relationship and we are putting forth EFFORT to make it better.

For more on the different styles of communication check out this article featured in Forbes magazine.

If you're having problems in a relationship, communication may be the root of the problem. Rather than avoiding the person or throwing in the towel and moving on, view the situation as an opportunity for growth. Try sharing your difficulties with them to open up a dialogue for change.  If they care about you and preserving the relationship, they will make the effort.

Love to hear your thoughts on this. Do leave a comment. If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community and receive my weekly emails on personal growth, relationships, spirituality and healing, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more insights on how to achieve healing, wholeness, and harmony so you can enjoy the life you dream of and discover your destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

Ignite the Power Within Step 5: How to Tell If You're Making the Right Decision

Most of us like the word "yes", don't we? I know I do. When someone asks me to do something I really want to do or I find something I really love, my immediate response is an emphatic "YES"! I am passionate about it. There is no hesitation, no doubt, no waffling. Joyful anticipation is a sign we are making the right decision.

A friend of mine was recently considering buying a certain car. As she relayed the pertinent facts, figures, and safety features, I noticed there was no enthusiasm in her voice.
"You really don't sound too excited about this car," I said. "Do you really want to buy it?"
"No, I don't think so," she admitted.
A few days later, she called me up all excited about another car she found and bought that one instead. She has been a happy camper ever since.

Here's another example. Let's take the shoe shopping experience. I'd venture to say that shoe shopping is difficult for most of us.  Either I can't find my size, the right color, they cost too much or they don't fit quite right. Bummer! And so frustrating. But when I finally find just the right pair of shoes -  good color, comfortable, and on sale, - YES!!!!! I get so excited. It borders on euphoria at times.

We know we are making the right choice when we not only have peace about our decision, but we also have joy about it too. When God wants to give us something or get us going in a new direction, we will be filled with excitement, enthusiasm, and hope. We wake up in the morning energized and motivated. This is how we know we are living in the will of God. Just as good parents want to guide their children and give them good things, so it is with God. He enjoys blessing us and he wants to see his children prosper.

But we must be careful. Sometimes we are excited at first because of the idea of something: the new guy, the new car, the shiny whatever. It is foolish to jump into a situation without giving it some careful analysis and prayer. We love new cars, but don't go rushing off to buy that Lexus without giving it some serious thought such as how you are going to afford those monthly payments.

There will be bumps along the way. The bumps are checkpoints for us to check in with God to make sure we are on the right path and ask for confirmation of our direction. An example I like to share is when I was trying to sell my house years ago and one deal after another fell through. I felt like I was supposed to sell it but started having doubts when the contracts weren't working out. So I went to God in prayer, and he confirmed what I was supposed to do in a most astonishing way. If you want to read more about this, check out my book, "The Power of Faith". 

Making good decisions has to do with listening to that still small voice inside of us. When we are connected to God, we can trust He is guiding us in every decision big or small. When we leave God out of the equation, we usually make the wrong choices. I know from personal experience.

Hearing from God and making better decisions is possible and we get better with practice. If you enjoyed this post, please click the +1 icon and share with your friends Many people would love to know how to hear from God and make better decisions.

If you would like to join our community, enter your email in the box provided. You receive my bi-weekly posts plus a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Ignite the Power Within Step 5: How Faith Helps Your Realize Your Dreams

As the song from Mama Mia goes, "I have a dream, a song to sing." We all have a dream, don't we? Dreams come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Some dream big dreams like becoming president, CEO, or making it to the Olympic team.

Your dream might be to own your own home, learn to fly a plane, ride a motorcycle, ballroom dance. Or maybe write that book you've always wanted to write or own your own business.

Life is made of dreams. Dreams make life worth living because they give us something to live for and something to get excited about. They put the passion and spice into life.

What is it that you dream of doing, having, becoming? Have you forgotten or given up on it? You're never too old and it's never too late to dream a new dream. Don't let anyone discourage you. It is truly possible to live the life of your dreams at any stage of life.

Begin by taking the first step. Then another and another. You will be amazed at how doors open and your dream will become a reality sooner than you think. Don't make excuses such as "I'm too old," "I'll never get married," or "I'm not smart enough". Faith opens doors and makes the path clear for God to work. Believe in yourself and in the power of God. Together you will go further than you ever imagined.

I speak from personal experience because many of my dreams have come true already and I am in awe of what God has done in and through me.

Who would have thought that a timid, overweight child of an alchoholic father would graduate from the prestigious Johns Hopkins University with a Masters degree? Who would have thought that this same person would survive an abusive marriage, a devastating divorce and financial ruin? Who would have dreamed of being an author and go on to write and publish a book and create her own blog? Who would have thought that I would have visited the many countries I've been to? Who would have thought that a single mom would be able to see her two sons graduate from college and one earn his Masters Degree? Who would have thought a single mom would be able to sponsor a child in a third-world country all the way through college?

These are truly dreams - miracles really- that have come true. All by the grace of God and with the power of Faith. When we believe we give God permission to work in our lives. What's even more exciting is that when we begin to believe and see the smaller dreams come to fruition, we will be even more motivated to dream bigger dreams the next time. As they say "the sky is the limit". Dare to dream big!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided and you'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Until we meet again, follow your dreams, keep the faith and keep looking up!

Ariel 

Ignite the Power Within Step 4: 5 Ways to Overcome Overwhelm

"I've just got too much to do and I'm exhausted." "I don't have time for...." Have you heard yourself make comments like these lately? Do you feel like you are never caught up? Always on the go and never have time to relax, exercise, or do something nice for yourself? If so, you are not alone. We all struggle with overwhelm at times, but there are ways to manage it and make life more relaxed and stress-free.

The feeling of being overwhelmed is a problem many struggle with, especially women who are usually taking care of the family, the house, the meals, the spouse or boyfriend, all the while holding down a full-time career AND trying to stay thin, fit, and beautiful. Just thinking about all this is exhausting.

I know because I've been there myself. As a single mom raising two sons, working at a demanding high-pressure job and going to night school, it was quite a juggling act to keep everything together. But I survived, and you will too and today I am sharing 5 tips on how to deal with overwhelm and not turn into the wicked witch of the west.

1. Take time to breath.
When we start feeling anxious, rushed, or stressed, that means it's time to take a break, sit down, and take a few deep calming breaths. Repeat a phrase that will calm you down such as "I can do this", "I am calm", or any prayer or meditation that you choose.

2. Prioritize.
Reevaluate what is really important in your life. Most women have a hard time relaxing. We need to remind ourselves to just "Chill out" and move relaxation higher up on the priority list. I know I do. Most men do not seem to have this problem, I have observed. We could learn from them.

3. Just say NO.
 I used to carry a yellow laminated card in my purse with the word 'NO' written in big red letters. I would whip it out when someone asked me to do something I was not crazy about doing. Picture the referee at a soccer game giving a yellow card to one of the players. You get the idea.

4. Stay present.
 Focus on the task at hand. Don't spend precious energy thinking about what all you have to do that day or that week. Take one thing at a time. Then rest. Then do the next thing. When we spend time complaining or ruminating about everything we have to do, we waste precious time and energy.

5. Be thankful.
Look for the positive side of the situation. Instead of complaining about cleaning the house, say "I am thankful I have the energy and the health to clean my house."  "I am thankful I have a house to clean." Rather than bemoan your job, your boss, your coworkers, say "I am thankful I have a job and a steady income." There is always another way to look at things.

These are a few tips to help us all stay calm, cool, and collected despite the many demands and responsibilities of life. There will always be stuff to do. We cannot change that. But we can change our attitude on how we think about the stuff we have to do.

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  Share this post with your friends too.

Until next time, remember to take time to rest and as always, keep looking up!

Ariel

Ignite the Power Within Step 4: How to Enjoy Life While Waiting on Your Dreams

We all have goals and dreams we want to see come true, situations or people we want to see change. Sometimes, they take longer than we'd like to materialize. In this month's Ignite the Power Within series, we're talking about making our dreams a reality by never giving up. But what to do in the meantime while we're waiting?  Today, I'm sharing 3 techniques to not only make the waiting easier, but to keep you full of  joy in the meantime.

So, what is it that you have been waiting for? A boyfriend or girlfriend?  A new job?  A baby perhaps? Maybe you're waiting for your business to take off, to get that promotion you've covetted or to finally retire from the whole grind. Most people are waiting for something. Life has seasons of waiting and sometimes they can be pretty long. As I explained to my youngest, who has been job hunting for several months, waiting is a big part of life. The key to not giving up is to learn how to wait.

Over the years, I have learned there are a few techniques that help during my periods of waiting so here there are:

1. Wait in EXPECTANCY.
In other words, we need to have faith  and  believe that what we are waiting for is going to come our way.  This attitude is a requirement to receiving. If I doubt, I slow down or pretty much cancel the flow of good things into my life.

2. Learn to SURRENDER
Secondly, and I know this might seem counter-intuitive, but it is true, I must surrender or let go of the desire for whatever it is I am waiting for. When we want something we tend to think or talk about it constantly. This is known as obsessing and is NOT conducive to receiving because we have made whatever it is an idol. 

For example, if I am waiting for a boyfriend, let's say. And every time I go out, I size up every male that walks by and worry about how I look. This behavior falls into the obsessing category. I know many women who do this. Their entire conversation consists of talking about this or that guy. By surrendering my desires, I am saying, in effect, "Lord, I trust that you know what is best for me. I trust you to bring good things into my life in Your perfect timing and I will be content in the meantime and happy with what I have in my life today."

3. Live to SERVE. 
 I can't just sit back and bemoan my state. No one likes complainers or whiners, not even God, as evidenced by the Israelites who never made it to the Promised Land because of their griping. We have to get out there and do something of service to help other people. To paraphrase Christian author and speaker Zig Ziglar, "If you help enough people get what they want, God will make sure you get what you want".  This is a philosophy I adhere to and one of the reasons I write this blog.

I hope these techniques give you some ideas on how to enjoy your life while you wait and work on your dreams. Write and share with me what you are waiting for and what you are doing while you are waiting.

If you'd like to join our community enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly posts and also a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  

Stay tuned for more practical advice on making your life the one you dream of.

In the meantime, keep looking up!

Ariel 

Ignite the Power Within Step 4: Does Your Life Need an Alignment?

Ever notice your car veering off to one side of the road?  Even though you want to go straight, your car is pulling in another direction. This usually indicates your car is in need of a front-end alignment.

In a similar way, life can get out of alignment. Other people, too many activities and even our own thoughts can be distractions and cause us to veer off course. If we want to stay on track and see our goals and dreams come true, every area of our life needs to be working together. What I think, say, and do all need to be congruent; that is, in alignment. Here are three keys to getting back on track.

1. Pay attention to frustration and overwhelm
There are  many things that vie for our time and energy. People and activities pull us in different directions and it is very easy to get side-tracked from where we really want to go or who we want to be in life. Frustration can be a signal to us that we are "off-course". We want to lose weight but we neglect going to the gym. We want to have a deeper relationships but we don't make time for them. Result? Frustration.

Feeling overwhelmed can also be a sign we are off-course. It means we have taken on too much and we probably aren't focusing on what really matters to us. Life is all about choices and we only have 24 hours in a day, so it's up to us to choose how to use those 24 hours.

When I find myself feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, I know it is time to for a "front-end" alignment; time to check and see if my habits, choices, and activities all line up with my goals and values.

2. Keep my actions in sync with my goals 
For example, if we want to lose weight, and then say "I'll start my diet next week" and next week gets pushed into the week after and so on.  If one area is out of balance, our direction will be skewed. Say I want to get my financial house in order, but I continue to spend more than I should on impulsive purchases.  My actions are not in alignment with what I say I want - to get my finances under control. Or maybe I desire a deeper relationship with a loved one, but I work late every night of the week - not congruent.

3. Check in with God 
In the same way, if we want God's best for our lives, it is important to check in with Him on a regular basis. This is why Faith is so important. Faith believes that God is guiding me and that when I spend time with Him, He will show me what's really important, what needs to go, and what changes I need to make. We need to make time for solitude so we can hear that still small voice that is guiding us. Then it's up to me to cooperate and take action.

So, friends, is it time for a "front-end alignment" in your life? Have you veered off course from what truly matters to you? If so, it's not to late to get back on track.

If you enjoyed this post, please click on the +1 icon and leave a comment. If you'd like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided and you'll receive my bi-weekly posts. I'll also send you a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on staying on this topic and  and until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel