4 Keys to Combat Stress

How do you feel right now? Are you joyful? Calm? Excited? Tired? Depressed? Angry? Stressed? Do you go around with a smile on your face or a frown? Do you feel energized, motivated, fully alive?

These are questions I've learned to ask myself on a regular basis because my emotions are directly related to my levels of peace, joy, and energy. Who among us would not like to have more of all of these? People have always asked me where I get all my energy and they got me to thinking. Where does our energy come from?

After reading many books, I learned that several factors contribute to our energy level. Did I get enough sleep last night? Have I been eating well and by well, I mean, healthy, ok? Am I drinking my water? Exercising? These are all important factors, however, I have noticed that other things impact my energy level even more and they are my feelings and emotions . When I am tired, stressed or upset about something, my energy level drops dramatically. I feel lethargic and unmotivated.

Stress affects each person differently and we each have different tolerance levels. I can always tell when certain people are stressed. Controllers get more controlling. Feelers get more emotional and avoidants distance themselves and run from the situation. When we realize what the root cause of our stress is, we can learn to view circumstances and situations differently. The cause can be summed up in one word - FEAR.

Think about it. When you are stressed, ask yourself this question "What am I afraid of?" I'll bet you come up with something if you think it through. For example, when job tensions arise, we may think "I'm going to lose my job". When relationship tensions occur, we may think "He/she doesn't love me." These are all irrational fears that play havoc with our emotions and cause us undue stress and then our personality stress dysfunction kicks into gear. But there are some steps we can take to better cope with these negative feelings.

Here are a few simple steps to follow:
1) Realize what I'm feeling
2) Examine the fear behind my feelings
3) Decide when to express my feelings (repression is unhealthy, btw)
4) Take action - journal, talk it out, pray.

But the very best way to have more energy, peace, and joy in our lives is by activating the power of faith. That's right. Faith is the opposite of fear. In any given situation, there are two ways to look at it. I choose to consciously look at the positive side. In short, I try not to let my fears and circumstances get the best of me. I may have to dig deep, but there is, as they say, "always a silver lining". I know that God, yes, God, is on my side and He is looking out for me. ALWAYS. He always has the best in store for me and for you too!

By choosing an attitude of faith rather than fear, I am more at peace. I have more joy, and consequently, I have more energy. So there you have it - the full equation. If you want to have more energy and live a charged life, start living by faith instead of fear. Stop letting your circumstances get the better of you, keep you down, and prevent you from living the life of your dreams.

In closing, I'll share one of my very favorite verses which is Romans 8:31 which says "If God is for us, who can stand against us?" Good question, yes?

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly posts and a copy of my free eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you achieve healing, wholeness, harmony and health.

Until next time, keep the faith and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Live a Life You'll Love

Do you often wish your life was different?  Do you envy friends who seem to have it better off than you do? Do you ruminate about your problems and compare your life to other people's? I think we all do at times. It's normal, but not productive and certainly does not contribute to our joy. There is something we can do to improve our lives and feel more joyful and today we are going to talk about what that is.

Life can be tough, no doubt about it. The challenges we face can seem unending, but the good news is the challenges are meant for our good. There is always a lesson to be learned to help us grow and come up higher. This is a fact of life. The key is how we view the challenges we face.

But we have to do our part. Here's an analogy to communicate my point here.

Personal Story
Most of my friends know that I love to dance. It's fun, good exercise, and a great stress relief at the end of a long work week. However, I am particular where I go to dance. I want to hear good music I want to dance to. They have to put some effort into it, ya know what I mean? It's just not worth it to get all dressed, put makeup on, drive, and pay money to go listen to some band play a bunch of songs that don't move me.  I want to be MOVED! Good music comes from putting forth effort!

Let me give you another example from daily life - house cleaning. When I was working, I used to hire people to clean my house. I remember one woman said to me "Well, I don't clean microwaves." I wanted to ask her "Is that not part of the kitchen?" but I kept my mouth shut.

I don't think my expectations are unrealistic. Life requires effort for things to turn out well. Why do you think people have bought Japanese products for so many years? What makes a good restaurant last? Good quality and good service, right?

In the same way, as children of God, we should be people of excellence and quality. Whatever we are doing, we need to do it with excellence. God rewards excellence. Now, I am not saying we need to be perfect, but we should try to do our best. We are not supposed to settle for mediocrity, make excuses, or do anything half-way. We should be whole-hearted in whatever we commit to. This is how you achieve a better life. After all, God gave us His best - his son Jesus.

We are ambassadors. An ambassador is a representative. When people look at my life, I want them to be see what Jesus has done for me - his blessings, his faithfulness, his mercy, his peace, his healing, his forgiveness. We are to reflect the personhood of Jesus Christ.

If we want to enjoy a life of excellence, we have to put effort - effort on our jobs, effort to stay in shape, effort to be kind, effort to improve our relationships. Excellence is not for the faint-hearted or the undisciplined. Excellence is for those who really want it. If we want God's best, then we must be willing to give him OUR best. God rewards faith, effort, and obedience.

In fact, there is a spiritual principle behind this concept.  "You reap what you sow" (Gal 6:7). It is a universal principle that we can choose to ignore, but nonetheless, the results will always hold true.

For Reflection
Are you bemoaning the state of your life? Do you want a better life? If so, what kind of standards have you set for yourself? Are you putting your best effort forth to do what it takes to see results?

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as unto the Lord."(Col 3:23)

I am sure this post may have stirred some of you up. Agree? Disagree? Drop me a note and share your thoughts. If this post motivated you, consider joining our community and enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts plus a copy of my free eguide, "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom on how to ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

What to Do About the Difficult Person in Your Life

Is there someone in your life with whom you just can't seem to get along? It could be a coworker, a boss, or even a close family member. We all have someone that is a challenge to get along with so today we are going to talk about how to manage that relationship and still keep your peace. 

First, it is important to realize this: that difficult person is in your life for a reason. There is a lesson your soul needs to learn and they are the teacher. When we run away from difficult people, before we learn the lesson, be sure that life will serve us up someone else to help us learn the very same lesson. 

So, what to do after an argument or conflict?

1. Get your emotions under control. 

Nothing good is accomplished in the heat of the moment. When our emotions are all fired up, logic goes out the door. We need to see clearly what is going on when the fog of the frustration and anger has cleared. 

2. Take a step back. 

Rather than continue to fight it out with our egos and our pride, the next thing is to take a step back. Realize sometimes relationships have to go backwards before they can go forwards because we are all human and the stresses of life cause us to resort to our old patterns of behavior. 

3. Think about your part in the problem. 

We all like to point the finger of blame at the other person. Why? Because of our egos. We don't want to accept responsibility for any wrong-doing, but as I often remind myself,  there are always two sides to any story. Ask yourself what could you have done differently. One of my problems is I am too nice and eager to please. Often, if I had just listened to my gut, I would have said no and probably avoided the problem in the first place. 

Here's a recent story that happened when I failed to say "No" to my oldest son. Mother's Day was approaching. He asked me what I wanted to do and told me his expectant wife was unable to go out of the house. I wanted to do something fun but instead, capitulated and said okay and I agreed to drive over to his house on the other side of town. I could feel the tension in our conversations in the weeks preceding but was hopeful everything would work out. I was dead wrong. Spare you all the details, but it took me over 50 minutes in the pouring rain and heavy traffic to get to his house. He was waiting for me to go pick up the carryout, and said I couldn't stay in the house alone when I wanted to relax after the exhausting drive. Right there something was fishy. My gut was telling me to say "No, don't go over there" that very morning, but I ignored it. What I should have said was "Sounds like you are not up to celebrating Mother's Day today, let's make it another day". My peace of mind would have thanked me and it would have prevented the migraine I had the next day. If only....

4. Say your peace

After we have calmed down, and thought about our part of the problem, it is time to try to resolve the issue with the other person. It takes two people to want to resolve problems and sometimes, the other party doesn't want to resolve it. Go ahead anyway and say your peace, be it by phone or email. I prefer in person talks. Communicate your feelings to the other person. Avoid using blame terms such as "You did this...". Use " I feel (name the emotion)" sentences. This gets to the root of how you are feeling so that the other person can understand. Now, if you are dealing with someone with narcissistic tendencies, this might not get through, but at least you will have gotten it out. 

Another thing we can do is to suggest solutions to prevent the problem from happening again. Life is a live-and-learn arena. Holidays can be especially stressful and they will not always turn out the way we would like. Adjust, accept and move on. 

5. Give them to God.

If the other person refuses to address the situation, this is unhealthy for the relationship. It is also out of your control. In this case, once you have confronted the issue, expressed your feelings and taken responsibility for your part, it is time to give it to God. In other words, you have done all you can, and it is now up to God to work on the other person. We never know how long this might take, but if we want peace of mind, we must stop ruminating on the problem and trust that God will work it out when it is appropriate. Go on living and enjoying your life and don't give any more energy to a negative situation. 

So there you have them: 5 steps to dealing with a difficult person. I hope this personal post has given you some insight into how to deal with the people in our lives. If so, please join our blog community and enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly encouraging and educational posts as well as my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more positive, practical, and powerful wisdom to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, 

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

God's Mercies are New Everyday

Spring has sprung and the blossoms are blooming. New life is all around us. Seeing the sun burst through my windows in the morning fills me with joy. To me, it's like God is saying "Good morning, I love you."

Each morning reminds me that God's mercies are new every day. God forgives me for my sins of yesterday. So I need to forgive myself for my misdeeds and words. I ask Jesus to help me to do better today. Then I forgive others for whatever hurts they may have caused me. The prayer of Jabez coin on my dresser reminds me to "not cause pain to others." James 1:19 says "Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry." This is simple but powerful advice on how to stay out of trouble.

Each of us is doing the best we can and we are all at different places in our spiritual journey. It is only by God's great grace that I am able to do what He has called me to do and that is to be an encouragement to others. Every day God gives us is a gift of new life; a chance to do things better and a chance to enjoy life more.

Today, dear one, will you receive the new life Jesus has to offer? I encourage you to enjoy your day, your life, and trust God to give you breakthrough in His timing. In the meantime, go out and be a blessing to someone else and let the joy of the Lord be your strength!

Ariel  Paz

How to Handle Your Anger

Emotions are powerful. They can be our friend or our enemy.  Problem is many of us don't know how to process them in a healthy productive way. Today's post is about anger - perhaps the most powerful and dangerous emotion. Take a look around or watch the evening news to see plentiful examples of people who can't manage their anger.

We tend to either externalize or internalize our anger We take out our frustrations on others or on ourselves. We over-react to minor situations, use substances to assuage our feelings, alienate ourselves from loved ones, or my all time favorite - NOT - resort to passive aggressive behavior. In this post, we will discuss the emotion of anger and how to identify if we or someone we know has an unresolved anger issue.

Think about the last time you had a very strong reaction to a situation or a person. To get you started here are a few typical scenarios to consider:

1: You're in driving in the car and someone lays on the horn, tailgates you, or flips you the bird.

2: Your boss yells at you on a Friday afternoon

3: A loved one makes a comment and you fly off the handle.

4: You're at a restaurant and the food is taking forever to arrive. You've lost track of time because you are in deep conversation and realize it's been over 25 minutes.

Anger is a normal human emotion. We feel angry for a reason, but sometimes the reason we are angry is not the reason we think. Emotions are transferable. Many times, we explode at someone when really we are angry at someone else. This is called "transference". Instead of confronting the true source of our anger, we take it out on some other innocent party.

Some signs we are angry are:
1) we raise our voice
2) we have a strong physical reaction
3) over-reacting to small things
4) venting to anyone who will listen
5) engaging in excessive or harmful behaviors
6) feeling disconnected from ourselves or others

When we catch ourselves doing any of the above, chances are there is something going on beneath the surface that needs to be addressed. Often, the current situation gets blown out of proportion and the real problem goes detected. Here's a personal story to give you an example of what I'm talking about.

Many years ago, when my oldest son was still in college, I was in bed reading a book when he walks in on a weekend visit. . A little background here, my son is brilliant. He has what his teachers call a photographic memory. He never really had to study much in high school and aced all his exams with little effort.

"Hey, Ma, how you doing?"

"I'm fine. What's up? You look a little down," I observed.

"Yeah, I didn't do so well on my exam today," my oldest darling replied in a dejected tone.

"Oh, sorry to hear that. Do you think you studied enough?" Hint to parents: wrong thing to say. Better to say "So why might that be?"

"I'm leaving," he announced, slamming the door as he bolted out of the house.

Wow! Wonder why he reacted like that. It was a simple question. Little did I know, but I hit the nail on the head, as they say, and he wasn't ready to accept the truth of the situation. 

Several months later, I found out the real reason for the sudden display of anger. My son had lost his scholarship by not keeping his grades up and paying more attention to his fraternity brothers than to his studies.  A pretty good reason to be mad.

What to do 
Unfortunately, in this busy world of ours, we often lose connection with ourselves and our emotions. Days can go by before we realize we are angry about something. The key is to slow down our lives so that we can stay present with ourselves. I find mornings and evenings before I retire good times to check in with myself. Some questions we can ask ourselves are:

"What am I feeling right now?"
"Am I angry?"
"Who am I angry at?"

Some of us explode at the drop of a hat and others of us, like myself, minimize our feelings. Feelings are messengers. They are not meant to be ignored. They have valuable information to provide. We do ourselves a disservice when we ignore, suppress, or minimize our feelings.

Remember, anger is a signal that there is an issue that needs to be addressed. It is not something to be ignored, denied or ashamed of.  It is also not an excuse to act out. "Be angry, but sin not," it says in scripture.

Do let me know if this post was helpful by leaving  a comment below. If you'd like to receive my bi-weekly posts, enter your email in the box provided. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Until next time,  keep looking up!

Ariel  Paz

Goal Setting 101

Have you set some goals for the New Year yet? If so, are they SMART? Today I would like to share three tips on setting goals to ensure they are achievable and worthwhile. SMART goals, as they say in the business world, have the following characteristics.

1) S- stands for specific, not vague.
2) M - stands for measureable, quantifiable. How will it be measured?
3) A - achievable, action-oriented not ridiculous.
4) R - realistic - do I really want to achieve this goal? Why?
5) T - time bound. A determined timeframe is established when the goal will be finished.

Let's take the example of exercise. A smart goal would be "I will exercise at my target heart rate for 30 minutes 3 - 4 times a week to improve my cardiovascular health & reduce my blood pressure." This means 1) I will find out what my target heart rate actually should be so that I am working out hard enough to make a difference and 2) I have connected my goal to my long range purpose for my life i.e living a long and healthy life.

The second point I want to make is that in order to make a significant change in our behavior, we must first take on a new perspective on how we perceive the issue. For example, if you have always said "I hate to exercise", then my suggestion is to reframe that perception to something positive such as "Exercise is good for my health and is enjoyable when I find the right activity to pursue." In other words, we must change the way we think about things in order for our behaviors to follow suit.

And last, but certainly not least, have faith that you can achieve your goals. Have a vision of yourself in that size 6 little black dress or riding that motorcycle, climbing that mountain, or writing that book. Faith is the belief in things not yet seen which means we need to see them happening and pull them into our present by our thoughts and prayers.

Setting the right kind of goals can motivate us to succeed. They challenge us in our lives. Reaching a goal gives us courage to climb a bigger mountain next time. I know. I've climbed lots of them, all by the grace of God.

I hope this post has encouraged you to make some changes in your life. If you are new to goal-setting, start small. You will be amazed at the renewed zest for life you will feel when you begin making positive changes.

Until next time, keep the faith and keep looking up!


Ariel Paz 

The Importance of Discovering Your Destiny

Do you feel unfulfilled? Working at a job to make a salary but that doesn't stir your soul? Are you living for the weekends? Are you in a career because it just came along? It's never too late to discover your destiny and today that is what we're going to talk about.

As someone who got side-tracked in life by well-meaning individuals, I know what it is like to be working hard at a job that doesn't fulfill you. As a young college student with a knack for foreign languages, my dream was to become an interpreter and move to New York to work for the United Nations. Then I got married, and detoured into the computer science field. Now I have to say, computer science was not my thing. At all! I kept saying "My brain doesn't work this way", but I forced myself to learn how to program and spent the next 33 years of my life wracking my brain to figure out complex logic problems, a slave to the desk and the computer screen. One of my doctors once asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was a software engineer. He said "Well, you certainly don't look like one. You look like one of those creative types to me".

When we put ourselves into a position that is not right for us, we add more stress to our lives and eventually it takes a toll. I was a single mom of two boys which sure was no picnic either, especially when there was so much dysfunction that had to be resolved. Then when my sons were grown and out of the house, someone suggested I write a book, so I began to write and the rest is history.

Writing is what I feel called to do. I feel like I just have to get this stuff out. In the process, I feel like I am doing my part to help others and also to leave a legacy. I've learned some things along my journey and if these blog posts and my books can help prevent you from making the mistakes I made, I will have made a contribution.

So, I share all this to encourage you to listen to yourself. Not your mother. Not your significant other. Stay true to who YOU are and what you are gifted at and enjoy. It's your life at stake, not theirs. The key, as motivational speaker and author, John Maxwell says, is to focus on your strengths. Put more of your effort into using them and you will be successful. Some talents may lie dormant for years, but eventually they will surface.

I know it's hard to decide what path to take in life, so look at your giftings. What do you enjoy doing? What comes easily to you? What do you envision yourself doing? Can you make a decent income from it? These are all important questions to ask ourselves if we want to discover our destiny and be truly fulfilled. It is not enough to just make a salary.

No matter what age you are, it is never too late to discover your destiny. When you are living a life of purpose and productivity, you will be filled with joy. Time seems to go by as you are immersed in the present moment. You are fully alive. I think it is a cornerstone of being content as an individual when we find what we were meant to do.

Now don't let that ugly word, fear, hold you back. Don't let doubts hold you back. If there is something stirring in your soul that you keep thinking about, God put it there for a reason. You might not know the end result, but He does. Trust that your destiny is ultimately in God's capable hands and he is guiding you. Take action and do what you need to do to move towards your vision. I knew absolutely nothing about writing but began taking classes and going to conferences, and now I can confidently say "I am a writer" and it feels great!

What dream is inside you? What would you love to be doing? What is holding you back? Today is the day to take a step of faith towards that dream.

If you enjoyed this post, join our blog community and enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my positive and practical bi-weekly posts and a copy of my free eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more tips on how to ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz