How to Tame Your Monkey Mind

Do your thoughts wander frequently to the past? Or do you fret about what the future may hold and lose your peace? Forget where you put things or what you were just about to do? These are not signs of Alzheimer's or senioritis, but they are signs of an untamed mind. The good news is there are some things we can do to train our minds and take control of our thoughts. This week, I'm continuing our series on the topic of mindfulness, meditation, and prayer all of which are all part and parcel of having more peace and tranquility in our daily lives, despite our circumstances. 

What is Mindfulness?

There's been quite the hubbub lately about mindfulness. You know something is catching on when there's an article about it in the Costco magazine. Mindfulness has made its way out of the yogic realm and into mainstream society. 

Our culture has us moving faster and faster with the plethora of electronic gadgets and social media. Many feel pressured to "keep up" with the pace of the world and every Facebook post, Tweet, Instagram photo and news event. Perhaps like me, you wonder if such activity is really a good thing.

In the midst of this information overload, we are losing sight of what is truly important and failing to enjoy the precious moments in our every day lives. Perhaps the slowing down of the pandemic might have had some benefits after all. This week's post is devoted to answering this question:

What is mindfulness exactly and how can it help us in our daily lives?

Not Just for Yogis
When some hear the term "mindfulness" they conjure up visions of cross-legged yogis with eyes-closed chanting. Perhaps a more realistic and comprehensible word for mindfulness is "awareness" or "being present". Being present & fully engaged is the best gift we can bestow upon our spouse, our child, our friends and ourselves. Think of how Jesus interacted with others. That is being present. He was so present he noticed when power went out of him when the woman with the issue of blood touched him, even amongst the crowd pressing in on him.

Mindfulness is a form of meditation one does to learn to settle one's mind and body and become more aware of one's thoughts as they pass by. An untrained mind is mindless and unruly. Our thoughts jump from one thing to another, like a monkey on tree. We are easily distracted, forgetful, reactive to the emotional outbursts of others, while not being fully aware of our own emotions and feelings.

One way to judge this is to notice the rate of speech we use. When we are talking a mile a minute, our minds are racing. My mother always used to tell me "You think too fast," and now I realize she was right. My mind was always going a mile a minute which resulted in talking fast as well. 

Better Communication and Connection 

Ever talk to someone and they seemingly go off on an unrelated tangent? I used to get irritated but now I realize they are simply mindless. What happens is in their mind there was some connection to another event. Their mind monkey-jumped to this other thought thread and they started following it without realizing it was not related to the discussion at hand and that the other person has no clue as to where they are going. 

Here are some of the key areas of our lives in which mindfulness can serve us.

Relationships:
Nothing is more upsetting to a wife than to come home to her hubby all excited about sharing something about her day and he tunes her out by reading the newspaper or being fixated on the boob tube, computer, or video game. I remember when I was married and I used to teach aerobics one night a week. I would come home from class all excited to share how the class went and my then husband would look at me briefly and then go right back to reading the newspaper. Is it little wonder then we ended up in divorce court? These days people substitute their cellphone, the television, the internet or a video game. It's all the same problem - lack of mindfulness. Otherwise known as not paying attention.

Your kids:
When you are with them, make the effort to be truly with them. Don't be doing dishes, talking on the phone, grading papers or whatever else needs to be done. Stay in the present moment and really be with your child. These things can be done after the kids are in bed. If you're a working mom, like I was, you only have a few hours to develop a relationship with your children. Those hours are precious. I made sure eating dinner together was a priority. I'd ask them about their day and get them to share. Some nights we'd have a bible study session where we would take turns reading the Bible. I wanted to make it a two-fer and use the connecting time as a teaching time as well. Then at bedtime, I'd often read them a bed time story. In other words, I made sure I was present in the precious hours I had with my kids.

Personal life:
How often do you forget where you put your keys, your wallet, the grocery list? You start one task and find yourself doing something else two minutes later. No, it's not ADD or ADHD. Most likely it is the normal state of mindlessness. Not being aware of what you are currently doing. I think if we taught our kids mindfulness at an early age, far fewer kids would be on prescription meds. When we learn to slow down enough to pay attention to the present moment, we actively engage in the here and now. You know how you get so involved in your gardening, or playing tennis, or dancing and then wonder where the time went? That's because you were mindfully present. You were actively aware in what you were doing. You were being mindful.

Inner world:
One of the most important benefits of mindfulness is being more connected to our thoughts and feelings. When we slow down and pay attention to our thoughts, we are more aware of what is going on in our internal world. We are able to feel our feelings before they cause us to react in an unhealthy or unproductive way or keep us up at night thinking about things. Even though we are asleep, our mind is still trying to process the events of the day. This is why we wake up in the middle of the night ruminating.

When we learn to be mindful during the day, we will process our thoughts and emotions real-time, so our minds don't have to work overtime at night to do it. Just yesterday, I caught myself having negative feelings towards an old friend. Rather than ignore them or stuff them, I allowed myself to sit with them. I realized why I was feeling upset, which led to an understanding of what I need to change about myself in this situation.

Mindfulness is a practice, like most things worthwhile in this life. When we make the time to train our minds, we will have better control over our thoughts and our actions. We'll sleep better at night. Our relationships with others will be more intimate and connected. We will be more focused and less distracted in our daily lives and accomplish more of what we want to do. There are several ways to practice mindfulness and I have attached a link here with more information.

In the coming weeks, we'll delve deeper into these important practices. I'll also be sharing tips on how to develop a mindfulness meditation practice of your own. 

If you enjoyed this post and think a friend might enjoy it as well, be sure to share the link. To join our community, simply enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts PLUS I'll send you a copy of my recently updated e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on how to ignite the power within and discover your destiny!

Until next time, stay present and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

The Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness Meditation

Do you find yourself stressing out about the future? Ruminating on some past event? Not staying in the here and now? If any of these are true, then this post is for you. Learning to live in the present moment helps us find more joy because joy is only found in the present moment. So let's learn more about how to do that. 

Mindfulness is non-denominational 

First let's get past some common misconceptions. You don't have to be a yogi or a buddhist to practice mindfulness, and no, meditation is not anti-Christian either. Mindfulness means being "aware" of our thoughts and not letting them control us or run amok like a monkey on a tree that jump from here to there willy nilly. 

First we'll examine what it means to be mindful. Then we'll talk about the many benefits, and finally I'll share some simple steps you can take to implement mindfulness into your day. 

Mindlessness

Unless we make a conscious effort to tame and train our minds, our thoughts can steal our peace and our joy. Did you know our thoughts determine our feelings and our actions, often without us even realizing it? Did you finish off that cake or bag of chips because you were hungry -  or - because you really just weren't paying attention? 

Much of the time we operate on routines, schedules, and habits - kind of like being on auto-pilot. We are so used to moving fast in an endless race to accomplish more, more, we plan -actually overplan -our days to the max, the cellphone our constant companion, and then when our head hits the pillow at night we wonder where did the day go. Did I enjoy it? Was I really present? Did I make choices that are in line with my values? Was I kind? Patient? If the answer to these questions is no, today I am going to share a technique to help us all with this unproductive and stressful way of living.

Personal Story 

I've often been told "You think too much" or "You're a deep thinker" and maybe so, having worked in an analytical career for over 30 years. My job was all about problem solving and finding links, patterns, and root causes. Add to that the added pressure of being a single mom and having to handle everything myself, my mind was on overdrive for decades. It was only until the chronic migraines hit me full force that I realized I needed to give my brain some time off and that's when I discovered meditation.

Mindfulness meditation. 

Now for those who may be new to this technique, there are many different kinds of meditation. This post is going to focus on what is called mindfulness meditation or vipissana meditation.  In other words, we will be discussing a method on how to train our minds to be more attentive to the present moment, with acceptance and without judgment. It is a skill that will serve us well in many areas of our lives and you can learn it right in the comfort of your home. You don't need any special tools or equipment. All you need to start is 15 minutes a day by yourself. That's it. You can carve out 15 minutes a day to live a life more fully engaged, right?

Meditation has Christian Roots.
But first, let's address the common concern many people have about meditation. It seems meditation has gotten a bad rap, especially among Christians, many of whom balk at the very word.

Some disdain or dismiss it, thinking it is ungodly or against their religious beliefs. I would like to put your fears at rest. There are many verses of Scripture that encourage us to manage our thought life. One of them is 2 Cor 10:5 which exhorts us to "Take every thought captive". Colossians 3:2 says "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things,".

The Apostle Paul knew the value of controlling our thoughts and not allowing them to control us. We are also encouraged to "Be still and know that I am God". When we sit ourselves down and settle our minds for a few minutes, we release stress and tension and we are able to sift through the cacophony of inner voices that chatter at us during the course of the day. Calming the mind is not the only benefit of meditation.

Many Physical Benefits.
Here are some additional benefits that may interest you:
- Lowers oxygen consumption.
- Decreases respiratory rate.
- Increases blood flow and slows the heart rate.
- Increases exercise tolerance in heart patients.
- Promotes a deeper level of relaxation.
- Reduces blood pressure
- Reduces anxiety attacks by lowering the levels of blood lactate.
- Decreases muscle tension (any pain due to tension) and headaches.
- Enhances the immune system. Research has revealed that meditation increases activity of 'natural-killer cells', which kill bacteria and cancer cells.

There are tons of books and now websites and apps that offer to teach us how to meditate. Some of them can be unnecessarily complicated and confusing. Websites and apps usually involve a fee at some point. Today I am going to share an introduction and some simple steps to help you begin your meditation practice at home and for FREE!

Strengthen Your Spiritual Muscle
Yes, meditation is a practice. It is a spiritual discipline just like reading your favorite sacred text or praying daily. Think of it as sending your mind to the gym.

Just as we train our physical bodies to perform at their optimum level, so our minds need to be trained to perform well. We are constantly barraged by external sensory input: cell phones, noises, traffic, loud music, texting and people talking. No wonder we have trouble hearing from God with so much input coming at us all the time. Just like defragging the memory on our laptops, it is important to clear out the mental clutter and basically do a reboot on our minds.

A Simple Mindfulness Routine 

1. Get alone and quiet.
Find a time of day or night, preferably both, where you can get quiet for 10 - 20 minutes. Make sure the cell phones are off and tell the family you are taking a quiet time break. Encourage them to take one as well.

2. Get comfortable.
Make sure your clothing is loose and comfortable and the room temperature is appropriate. We want to eliminate anything that could distract us from being present.

3. Sit in a comfortable position.
Use a chair or sit on the floor, carpet, or a mat. Use a cushion, pillow, or a folded blanket if you like more support. Make sure you sit up straight with an erect spine. I like to sit in half-lotus which is cross-legged with one foot on top of the other knee.

4. Close your eyes.
Rest your hands either in your lap or on your knees palms up.

5. Begin to focus on your breathing. 
Many of us only breathe very shallowly, thru our upper chest. Start breathing through your lower belly rather than your chest. As you settle, your breathing will get slower and fuller. Place your hands on your belly to make sure it is rising and falling with each breath until you get the hang of deep abdominal breathing as opposed to shallow chest breathing. 

6. Scan your body.
Relax and release any tension or tightness in your muscles. Relax your shoulders, your face, your jaw, your hips, etc.

7. Once you have completed the body scan, continue to focus on your breath.
The breath becomes a focal point of your practice. Observe the air coming in and out through your nostrils. Observe the length of your breaths. Keep your mind focused on your breathing. You will notice many thoughts come into your mind. This is natural at first. Notice the thoughts and let them float by like clouds. As your breathing slows down, so will your thoughts. Continue to bring your attention back to your breath each time it wanders.

8. Resist the urge to keep checking the clock.
If you'd like, set an alarm. The longer you can sit the more relaxed and focused you will become. You will feel refreshed, relaxed, and energized to go about the rest of your day. Meditation is also a great practice to do at night before bedtime. It quiets the mind and prepares it for a restful night's sleep.

As you can see, beginning a meditation practice is not all that difficult. The benefits you will receive are well worth the time you put into it. Like anything else, implementing a regular meditation time means decluttering your life to make room for what is truly valuable and useful. Turn the television off sooner and use that time to meditate.

For Reflection
Are you open to trying meditation? Pause a few times during the day and examine what exactly you are thinking about. Mindfulness practice is particularly helpful especially when having a stressful day. Start by sitting quietly with your eyes closed for 5 minutes and observing your breathing. 

If you enjoyed this post, consider joining our community. Enter your email address in the box provided and receive my weekly newsletter plus a copy of my free guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

In the meantime, check out my other books on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Apple. Pop on over to Pinterest and enjoy the collection I have curated for you. If you are an Instagram person, follow me there.

Thanks for reading, and stay tuned as we learn more on how to ignite the power within so you can take back your life and discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Part 4: How to Be More Kind and Compassionate to Others

 I've heard it said we are practicing something all the time. The question is: what? Are we practicing kindness? Compassion? Attentiveness? Or something else? This week I am sharing on the three keys to help us all become kinder, more connected, and more compassionate. 

Becoming more mindful is an intentional process that helps us to identify and eradicate negative thoughts that drag us down the depressive, anxious rabbit hole. It helps us to have more self-compassion and less shame and guilt. Instead of shaming ourselves and others, which shuts down the brain centers responsible for growth and learning, using kindness and curiosity releases chemicals in our brains that turn on these centers of learning. 

Practicing mindfulness also can help us find more happiness and joy in our lives and who doesn't want more of these? According to neuroscientist, Dr. Richard Davidson, "Happiness can be trained because the very structure of our brain can be modified." Turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks. 

This week I'm sharing on the three pillars of mindfulness which are key components to living mindfully. 

1. Intention

Intention helps us identify the "why" behind our actions. It helps us gain clarity on what is truly important to us. Getting really clear on our intention helps us become people of integrity where our actions align with our hearts and our values. Another word for intention might be motivation. Intention helps us reconnect with how we truly want to respond. Simply setting an intention for the day can help us feel happier, more connected, more patient. 

2. Attention

Focus on the present moment by avoiding distractions such as being a slave to your phone or mindlessly watching the boob tube or playing video games. I've heard it said that time is our most valuable commodity but I believe our attention - our presence - is the best gift we can give to an adult, a child, and even a pet. As I used to say to my class when I was a yoga instructor "Today is a gift. That is why they call it the present." And the present moment is truly a gift, never to be had again. 

Multi-tasking is not all it is cracked up to be. I used to pride myself on being a multi-tasker and now, I pride myself on staying present and focused. My, how times change. 

3. Attitude 

Ah, attitude. In this case, the how of mindfulness. The key here is to have an attitude of kindness, curiosity and unconditional love instead of shutting down, imploding or exploding. A good counselor uses these when working with clients. Let go of judgement. Be kind if your mind wanders which is does like 47% of the time. Be curious when it jumps to the past or the future. Stop the self-loathing thoughts and replace them with loving thoughts. Remember, we are all doing the best we can. 

For more on this topic, check out "Good Morning, I love you" by Dr. Shauna Shapiro. 

For Reflection

These three items are the foundation for living a mindful, compassionate life. They work in tandem with each other and can be practiced individually. Which pillar will you address first? Which do you have the most problem with? I'll go first. I need to work on attitude - being more kind and curious both to myself and with others who are not so kind. There, now that wasn't so hard was it:)

If this post was helpful, do share it with a friend, leave a comment or two. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this series. And also, consider joining our community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly posts and a copy of my free eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". And do check out all my offerings on Pinterest. 

Stay tuned for more on mindfulness and living in the present moment. 

Until next time, 

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

6 Easy Ways to Get Your Joy Back - Part 2

How are you feeling this morning, friend? Are you feeling joyful? Joy is a fruit of the Spirit and it is different from feeling happy. Happiness is based on external circumstances and is fleeting. Joy is an inside job that comes from God. Many people confuse the two. This week I'm sharing 3 more steps to getting our joy back. 

Check Your Joy Meter
How high is your joy meter today? High, low, or medium? Things can happen in a minute that can steal our joy, which is where prayer, mindfulness, and faith come in. It's a question of being aware of when something irritates us and then making a mindful decision whether we are going to let it get to us. 

Joy flows in and through us on a daily basis but we must make a conscious decision to keep our joy and not get aggravated at every little thing: the elderly mom, the rebellious kids, the traffic, the boss, the list that stresses us is endless. 

Today I am sharing the next 3 tips as promised. If you missed the first 3 tips for getting your joy back, here is the post again. 

                                               

Tip #4: Pay attention to your thoughts. 
Here's a quick mindfulness practice I do every morning to get in the right frame of mind. As soon as my eyes open, I declare this verse - out loud:  "This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it." (Ps. 118:24). Notice the emphasis on the words "I will". This indicates I am making a conscious DECISION to be joyful. We must be deliberate about our frame of mind, if we want to stay joyful on a daily basis and into our later years. 

Do you find yourself dwelling on the same issue or person for days or nights on end? Picture a car stuck in a ditch with the wheels whirling and whirling. This is what our minds are doing when we ruminate or over-think and it is a joy-stealer. When we spin our mental wheels trying to figure something out or solve a problem that has no solution, this burns us out mentally and energetically. It can also cause headaches and migraines. I know this from first-hand experience. 

How to Avoid Overthinking
There are two ways to get out of the overthinking cycle. 

1) decide on an action to take in the moment. Taking some type of action takes the pressure off and makes us feel less out of control of the situation. 

2) realize we are overthinking something and decide to put the issue on the back burner till we get clarity. This takes the pressure off and I'm all about taking the pressure off. In fact, I have a sticky note on my kitchen cabinet that reads "Take the pressure off." 

I know this is tough, but we are not in control of the when the answers will come.  We need to learn to trust in God to reveal them in HIS timing, not ours. It's another opportunity to practice letting go.

Exercise Your Faith

Another example I had to deal with last year was what to do about my 94 yr old mother who fractured her back. Without going into all the details, there were a lot of factors to consider, as anyone who has elderly parents knows. I assured my sister and my mother, who were both freaking out, that we would figure it out slowly. I kept saying "Let's stay in today" to calm them down.

Actually, I am pretty proud of myself that I did stay so composed and in the moment and did not freak out. I trusted that God would show us the way and he did. She went to rehab which she hated and then I found her an assisted living facility that served her chocolate cake the first day she got there. Her comment was "I should have done this years ago." It is in these types of critical, stressful situations that Faith and a spiritual practice pays off, friends. A spiritual practice helps us to not freak out when uncertainty hits and answers are complicated because we have a God who cares. 

Practice Mindfulness Daily
The natural state of our mind is to be peaceful but there are so many things to worry/stress/think about in every day life. Scripture exhorts us to "take every thought captive" (2 Cor 10:5). This means to pay attention to what we're thinking about. Our thoughts can take us down the proverbial rabbit hole if we don't learn how to be mindful and take control of them.   

The good news is practicing mindfulness helps us to be more aware of our thoughts and our emotions. We need to catch ourselves ruminating or dwelling on negative topics and bring ourselves back to the present moment, the here and now, because that is where JOY is found. Joy is not found in yesterday or tomorrow, folks. 

By practicing spiritual techniques (Check out my new ebook, "Ignite the Power Within: 10 Steps to Supercharge Your Spiritual Growth), slowly, the grooves in our brains will be rewired and we will have better thinking patterns over time.

No matter what thoughts pop into my head, I remind myself of the truths I believe in. "Lord, I know you see this situation. It might not look good to me right now, but your word says you work all things out for my good. I will take responsibility for my thoughts, decisions, and actions. I will stay in peace and trust you to guide me. I will rejoice and be glad today. I will take care of myself and set firm boundaries. Thank you, Lord." This helps strengthen my spiritual muscle and keeps my peace and joy. 

Tip #5: Have some fun. 
As a single parent of two growing boys for many years combined with a full-time career plus grad school, it was hard to find time to have fun. Even now as an older single lady with few friends, it is hard to find time to have fun. Now I will admit having fun has changed over the years. I used to love to go ballroom dancing, or any kind of dancing for that matter. Now fun is enjoying the pool, working on my blog or my lettering, making a good dinner. Fun is something you choose to do that is pleasurable that keeps you in the present moment and joy is found in the present moment. Having fun makes room for joy to percolate up. 

Keep Play in the Picture 
No matter how busy we might be, however, play is vital to our well-being. (See #5 in my recent book "Take Back Your Life". )  Some of us, including me, are so responsible, we have to schedule downtime and play into our to-do lists. As I write this I am thinking when was the last time I played...does watching a soccer game fall into the play category? I think so. 

Others play too much and neglect their responsibilities as well as their health. We need to find balance in our daily lives if we want to keep our joy. Having fun makes room for joy to pop back up because it lets the pressure out of the pot. 

What do you like to do? What takes your mind off your problems and brings you into the present moment? Choose a healthy activity that will restore and energize you, instead of depleting you or taking you out of the present moment like watching the boob tube or playing video games. Something out of doors is always good this time of year.  Walking is a great way to let go of stress and get a bit of exercise and fresh air. Team up with a friend or loved one if you can. Or maybe go for a bike ride, or do some gardening. Even a half hour will do you a world of good and help you clear your mind and reconnect with your joy.  

Tip #6: Let go of control. 
We all like to be in control. My issue stems from being raised in a chaotic home, where everything was out of control, but most of us want to be "in control" to some degree. The truth is there are only a handful of things that are truly under our control. Much of life - aka other people - are not and the sooner we come to understand this, the more peace and less stress we will have.  

Do what you can to attend to any given situation (if you need to) and then give it to God. Notice we have a part in fixing our problems. We can't just throw up our hands and say "Well, God will take care of it." When we do what we can, God will do what we can't. This is where faith, patience and obedience come in. 

If you want more peace in your daily life, learn how and when to let go. I talk about all the ins and outs of letting go of control in my new book, "Ignite the Power Within." Letting go is a spiritual practice and if you don't know what it is, how it applies to your life, or how to do it, I encourage you to order my new book and learn more today.

So there you have my 6 tips to getting your joy back.  
Stuff will ALWAYS keep coming at us. As author, Sonia Choquette says in her book "Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose", "We are souls on a journey to heal, grow and evolve and these trials are our tests to pass".  It is up to us to decide how each situation will affect us and how we will respond to it. The quicker we can let go of unhappy, negative thoughts, and focus on gratitude, peace, and joy, the more we can relish each day.

Reflection:
How about you? Is there something or someone stealing your joy right now? Are you feeling overwhelmed with all your responsibilities? What changes do you need to make to have more peace and joy? Don't let the challenges of life steal either one. Make a decision to let go of control and enjoy each day for the gift it is. That's why they call it "the present".

If this article was helpful and you'd like to join our community and receive my weekly posts, enter your email address in the box provided. As a thank you, I'll send you my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

For more tips and info on a wide-variety of topics, pop on over to Pinterest to check out my collection on health and wellness, fashion, recipes, exercise and diet, and so much more. https://www.pinterest.com/arielpaz/pins/

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you ignite the power within and discover YOUR destiny! 

Until next time, keep smiling and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

The Problem with "No" - Identifying Codependency

Do you struggle with saying "NO?" to people? Is it hard for you to turn down requests for your time, money, or attention? Do you struggle with feelings of guilt or shame when you can't meet someone's expectations or run to their rescue every time they call? Do you often feel resentful and used? If so, welcome to the codependents club and this post is for you.

Today we're talking about a big problem in society known as codependency. There's been a lot of press about addiction but not as much focus on the problem of it's sister behavior, codependency. I'm resurrecting this post because I have been tested recently by several family members and have been very stressed out by their requests and behaviors. 

First let's define the term. Codependency is taking responsibility for another person's thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and lives to the detriment and well-being of oneself.  An example is the wife who keeps making excuses for her husband's drinking/spending/gambling. Or the mom who keeps giving money to her grown child. Or the adult child who is unable to cut the apron strings from mom. 

Often, codependents are drawn to each other. They unconsciously feed off the other, in an unhealthy manner, both trying to get their needs met in unhealthy ways.

If we are codependent, we need to learn to set and experience the power of boundaries. This is a skill we need to learn and practice. Most of us want to be helpful and meet the needs of others, but there has to be a healthy balance between giving and taking. We who fall into the people-pleaser category have an even tougher time keeping this balance. How do we know when we are in one of these boundary-setting situations? When we start to feel stressed by someone else's behaviors and requests. That's how. We lose our peace and ruminate on what to do. 

It's taken me years to learn to say that powerful two-letter word "No" but I keep getting "opportunities" to practice because other people in my life have not grown up yet. In fact, I used to carry a laminated card around me with the word printed on it large red letters to remind me that my default answer should be "NO", not "Yes". I was always saying "Yes" to requests for money, people, and relationships that were not good for me. I let people dump all their stress on me and then once they've unloaded it they felt a lot better, but guess who got a migraine? I was what they call "a people pleaser". This caused a lot of stress and health issues in my life. Stress, then guilt, then remorse. Perhaps you can relate.

Then I learned to use the N word.

It wasn't overnight, mind you. It was a long process I had to practice over and over again. It took quite a while before I could say the N word easily. But it happened. Now it's become part of my nature. It's easier with people who are not so close to me. It's more difficult with those I really care about like my mom, my sons, and my close friends but these relationships are opportunities to really hone this skill. Nothing is worth losing my peace over. 

Relatives are just people who happen to be related to us by blood. They are really no different from anyone else. I believe they are in our lives to teach us soul lessons and to help us to heal. The good thing is that as we learn, they learn as well. There is, however, a small problem with saying no to some people. They don't like it. 

Last week, for example, I called a friend to touch base about some weekend plans we had made. I left her a message and stated when I would and would not be available that evening so she would know when she had a better chance of catching me. I was going to be unavailable for thirty minutes, but the rest of the evening I was free. Well. She calls during the thirty minute time frame I was unavailable. When I called her back, she was miffed. In fact, she called during that half hour which was most likely an attempt to avoid actually speaking to me in person. This is known as passive-aggressive behavior. Now why would someone act like that, I wondered.

The answer came today. People who don't have boundaries don't like it when someone else sets boundaries with them. They get defensive or play the blame and shame game to make you feel like you have done something wrong. That is called control and manipulation. Recognize it for what it is and put a stop to it. 

Using Mindfulness 

Mindfulness is a tool in our arsenal we can use to identify these uncomfortable feelings. Often we are not aware of how we are feeling in the moment. This is where mindfulness comes in. It teaches us to be present with ourselves in the moment. 

I still struggle, I admit, to not let these feelings bother me, but now that I know what is going on and why, I won't allow these feelings to sink in. Instead I make a plan as to how I am going to handle the other person in our next encounter. Don't get stuck in patterns of unhealthy behavior. You have to be the change you want to see in your world. 

When we learn to set boundaries, it is liberating. The monkey is off our back, as they say. If other people don't like it when I tell them no, set a limit, or otherwise push back from what they want, it is not my problem, it is theirs. Healthy people are able to deal with boundaries. Here's another example.

A good friend called recently and offered a free ticket to a dance production in DC. I thanked her for the invite and explained that I really didn't enjoy that type of performance and suggested she ask someone who might enjoy it more. A few days later, I asked if she would like to attend a musical performance, and she politely explained that "it's not my cup of tea". This is how people with healthy boundaries operate. Healthy people are able to say and receive NO without getting defensive, feeling rejected, or making the other person feel badly.

How comfortable are you at saying and receiving NO? Is your default response "YES"? How often do you find yourself feeling guilty, overly tired or put upon? These may be signs your NO muscle needs a bit of a workout. I'd love to hear your feedback on this post. Feel free to comment here or on Facebook.

If  this post resonated with you and you would like to receive my bi-weekly posts, enter your email in the box provided. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more on igniting the power within YOU and discovering YOUR destiny.

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Use Mindfulness to Transform Your Life

Ever notice there is always construction going on someplace? Just like the roads around here, we are all a work in progress.  Seems like there is always something to repair, reconstruct, or rebuild. The same goes for us. You'll know when a change is needed when you hit a rough patch - a relationship goes on the rocks, communication gets muddied, you feel down, depressed or lose your joy.

The good news is that tough times are actually opportunities for change, growth and renewal and this week I am sharing three ways being more mindful can help us transform our lives.  

            

1. Make time to self-reflect 

When we go through a tough time, the tendency is to want to move through it quickly, to distract ourselves, to distance from loved ones or to keep ourselves too busy to think. But this is the wrong approach. Tough times come to teach us something, to grow us up, to refine our character. The question to ask ourselves is "What do I need to learn from this?" and "How can I be better?"

2. Be More Mindful

Awareness is the first step to change. When we slow down our busy lives, we are able to be more mindful during our day. It will all get done, sooner or later but better to do it in peace than in a hurry. You know how when you take a nice leisurely stroll you notice the flowers, the sounds of the birds, the colors of the trees,  provided, of course, you are not talking on your phone. Ahem. 

Versus when you go for a run, all you can think about is your legs, your breathing and your feet. You don't really notice your surroundings. This too is being mindful in a different way. When we run, we focus on our body instead of the scenery, just watch out for traffic and deer. 

Life is not a race. We should not be rushing through it. We should be enjoying it and paying attention: to our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions. This is what wholeness is all about. Making all of these work together in harmony. 

3. It's a Skill 

Practicing mindfulness is a skill we all can benefit from. It helps us to pay more attention to ourselves by shining the laser beam of attention on our thoughts and behaviors. 

When we shine the light on ourselves rather than focusing on what the other person said or did, we are able to see things more clearly. It is only then we are able to make positive changes because we can only change ourselves.  For more on mindfulness and meditation, check out my posts on this important topic. 

An Example
Let's look at over-eating for example or eating when we are not really hungry. I know I still struggle with these myself. Ask yourself these questions before you get something to eat. 

- Am I really hungry?

- When did I eat last?

- What am I feeling?

- What am I thinking about? 

Keep a diary of these thoughts and when you eat and you will see patterns in your eating that you can adjust to lose the weight. Often we go on auto-pilot and eat not out of true hunger but something else usually something emotionally stressful and we are trying to self-soothe ourselves with food or drink or a smoke. 

4. Take off the Pressure 

Personal story

I hate pressure. I don't do well under pressure. After retiring, I still felt the pressure. But where was it coming from? Me! Finally, I put up a sticky note on my kitchen cabinet that said "Stop the pressure." There was no need. Many of us pressure ourselves needlessly and this steals our peace and our joy. 

Change and transformation take time. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? Be gentle with yourself. Keep at it and keep the faith. Don't try and lean on your own will-power which is limited. Instead, lean on God. It is by his grace and through his power that we are able to overcome the obstacles in our path to growth and transformation. 2 Corinthians 12:19 says "My grace is sufficient for you". Hang on to that promise and you will be victorious no matter what you are trying to change because God is faithful. 

For Reflection 
What are you struggling with today? What can you do to be more gentle and compassionate with yourself? What is one step you can take to make the change a reality today? 

If this post resonated with you, join our community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my weekly newsletter plus a copy of my free eguide entitled "How to Develop a Spiritual Practice". 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom to help you ignite the power within and discover your destiny. 

Until next time,  keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

How to Find Joy in the Present Moment

Do you want more joy in your daily life? I know I do. One way to do this is to live in the now because joy is only found in the now, in the present moment, in today. Let's start with some self-reflection. 

How often do you find yourself revisiting the past or ruminating on some future event? I would like to know the statistics on this but I venture to say many of us spend quite a lot of time in someplace other than the present moment. Do you catch yourself when you are going back to the past or worrying about the future? This is where a mindfulness practice can serve us well. 

We resurrect negative past experiences each time we talk about them or revisit them in our minds. We also create anxiety and fear when we worry about a future event that most likely will never happen. Since we've been talking about joy, gratitude, and energy, today I want to talk to you about living in the present moment, which is where peace and joy are found. 

                                    

Personal Story

When I used to teach a yoga class, during Savassana at the end of class, I would give a short verbal meditation. One of my phrases was the above. We have to make a choice to live in today, and see to it as a gift. Each day provides so many opportunities to be thankful. Like my cup of coffee. My morning walk. My ability to cook a delicious dinner. So many people don't acknowledge their blessings and spend their days joyless. Not going to name any names. Now that is a sad existence. Live in the present and be grateful and joyful. The Apostle Paul exhorts us to "Rejoice always"  and "in all things give thanks", so there ya go. 

Living in the Past 

Many of us are held captive by our past. If you've read my first book, "The Power of Faith" you know I have been through quite a lot of traumatic experiences. But, I choose not to let them hold me back from enjoying my life today. Notice the word "choose". If we want to enjoy our lives on a daily basis, we have to make a conscious decision - say decision - to live in the present moment. It's called mindfulness and I have written numerous posts on the topic. Read them here. It's an important skill to learn because our thoughts can be triggered back to some negative event in the blink of an eye and we have to catch ourselves. 

Living in the Future

When we spend too much time thinking about future events, we get caught up in anxieties and worry. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if what if? It's a mental trap that keeps us in a state of constant anxiety. You and I were not meant to live like this. Jesus said to "take every thought captive" instead of allowing our thoughts to take us captive. Things change moment to moment, even the weather. How often when I comment to a neighbor what a beautiful day it is and they reply "It's going to rain this weekend" or "But tomorrow it's going to ..." I say a silent prayer for them. They are living in anxiety and dread of tomorrow instead of enjoying the beauty of today. Don't let that be you. 

Living in the Present 

Now I am not talking about having a Pollyanna worldview. I am well aware of all the negative things going on in our society today, but that does not mean you or I have to dwell on them 24/7. We are each created for a purpose and if we want to fulfill that purpose we need time and energy to achieve that. I call it destiny because I believe we each have a divine destiny to fulfill to help make this world a better place. It may be a grand purpose or a much smaller purpose, but whatever it is remember what Sister Teresa said "Not all of us can do great things, but we can all do small things with great love." This is one of the reasons I write this blog. It is a small thing, done with great love. 

We cannot, however, accomplish our purpose or find joy, if we spend all our time living in the past or the future, holding on to resentment, anger, or unforgiveness. No matter who has hurt us. We are to keep on forgiving but set better boundaries. These separate us from God and keep us at a lower vibration. 

Jesus came to set us free from all of that. Jesus, my friend, represents reality, living in the present moment and true peace. Joy is only found in the present moment and it is up to us to choose it every moment of every day. 

For Reflection

Try this little exercise. Pick a day to focus on your thoughts. Observe how many times you drift into the past or the future. Watch your conversations as well. You may be very surprised. It takes practice staying in the present moment but being aware of when we drift out of it will help us stay there more often. 

I trust you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. Drop me a note or leave a comment. I enjoy hearing from you. Also, check out my Pinterest boards on mindfulness, peace and faith here. If you have a friend who might enjoy these posts, do share this email with them. They will receive a copy of my free eguide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". After all, we are here to lead others into the light. 

Until next time, 

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

Breaking the Impulse Habit

It's a new year and most of us have areas we'd like to grow in. Perhaps we want to get a better handle on our finances or our diets, finally start an exercise routine, or like me, make meditation a part of your day. These are all habits. Habits, as you know, can be good or bad. They can move us forward into our destiny and they can keep us from moving forward as well.

The key to becoming all you want to be is creating good, healthy, habits and unlearning bad, unhealthy ones. Today's post is on a simple but powerful chain of events we all go through many times a day and how to use this process to develop better behavior patterns that move us forward into the life we dream of and deserve!

It all starts in our minds.
We each have more than 60,000 thoughts a day which include thoughts, memories, and feelings. These are sensory inputs into our behavior and actions. These sensory inputs are evaluated - appraised - by our consciousness. This is why mindfulness practice is so important. In order to take control of our habits and behaviors, we must first take control of the sensory inputs that are causing them. This is what mindfulness is all about.

The appraisal process. 
Whenever a thought, memory, feeling, or emotion rises up, our conscious (or perhaps not so conscious mind) evaluates it as either pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. Each of our 60,000+ thoughts are evaluated instanteously and then what happens? We react, don't we?

The reaction. 
Reacting is usually not the proper thing to do in normal situations. We want to live a conscious life, meaning we make conscious choices including what to do about our thoughts, emotions, and feelings. They can control us and make us do or say things we will soon regret. How many times have we lost our temper because we misinterpreted what someone said and blasted a loved one? How many times have we reached for that sweet to calm our stress or heartache? These are examples of reactions and not conscious choice.

With every appraisal, our minds react with either aversion, craving, or neutrality. Depending on our level of conscious awareness, we will be manipulated by these stimuli. I don't know about you, but that is not how I want to live. I have also noticed that stress and high emotion, hijack our consciousness. We regress to child-like behavior which is never a good thing. So what comes next?

The action. 
After we have appraised the stimulus as either pleasant or unpleasant, and reacted with either a desire or a disdain for whatever it is, we proceed to the third link in this chain of events - we take action. So here's an example, I feel pain in my hip - unpleasant. I don't like pain - aversion arises. I take action; I get up from my chair, I stretch, I complain. Or here's another example. A loved one says something. I evaluate it from my own perceptions and history. This evaluation may or may not be correct. I interpret what they say as negative - aversion. Next I take action. I can either question what they mean (healthy) or I can yell at them (unhealthy). These are just two examples of this powerful Appraisal - Impulse - Action chain that we must take control of if we want to be more in control of our own lives.

What area of life would you like more control of? It's a new year so it is a perfect time to make change. Start with something small - like maybe not replying as quickly when someone says something. Most of us are too quick to answer and don't give enough thought before we do. Write and let me know how it goes for you. We can all learn from each other, yes?

If you enjoyed this post and found it helpful, consider joining our community.  For more on helping us all find healing, wholeness and harmony and discovering our destiny, enter your email in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly posts as well as a copy of my free eguide, "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more on this, and until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

6 Ways to Stay Positive in a Negative World - Part 2

Joy. It's a commodity we all want more of, yes? Joy gives us energy. It lifts our spirits and it helps us enjoy life more. Last week I shared three tips on how to have more joy and stay positive on a regular basis. This week I'm sharing the next three tips, since I am trying to make these posts shorter because I know you are a busy person, but want to make your spiritual growth a priority. 

                                       

4. Refuse to Dwell on Negative Situations
As I mentioned last week, when we rehash negative situations especially from the past, we steal the joy from the present moment. Often, we rehash these events in our minds as well as to others. Don't let this be you. The Bible exhorts us to "set our minds on things above" (Col 3:1). For more on how to do this, click here.  This is why mindfulness is so important. We have to "take every thought captive" (2 Cor 10:5). Mindfulness helps us to be more conscious of our thoughts and by making a conscious choice to think on things above, we can stay positive and joyful rather than allowing daily events and other people's problems and circumstances to drag us down and steal our energy. 

5. Put Things in Perspective
A phrase from Al-Anon that I find helpful is to ask myself the question, "How important is it?" Most of the stuff that annoys us on a daily basis is pretty trivial in the big scheme of things, isn't it? It helps to put difficult situations into perspective. As I say in my book, "The Power of Faith", there is always another way to view the negative circumstances of life. I choose to look at them as stepping stones to my growth and to my destiny. When things go awry, I ask myself this question "What can I learn from this?" Things like family conflict and big things like the pandemic and the stock market, which are out of our control, all have lessons to teach us. The question is will we make time to figure out what that lesson is?

Life will always have positives and negatives. It's up to us which we will focus on. We can choose to focus on the good things that happen to us during the course of the day or the bad things. It is a choice we all have to make, whether we realize it or not. What we focus on determines the level of joy in our lives because negative thoughts suck our energy.

6. Do Something Fun
Now remember fun is different from joy. Fun refers to something external. Joy is internal. As a single parent and the oldest child of an alcoholic, I have always been very responsible. Okay, I admit it - too responsible. I have felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders most of my life. I'm realizing that the weight of the world can only rest on God's shoulders; mine are far too weak to bear so much. It is important to have a healthy balance between responsibility and fun. When we feel like we have lost our joy, it's time to go out and do something fun to clear the path for joy to flow. 

Personal Story 
I like to dance. Years ago, someone once told me it is a joy to watch me dance. I thought that was such a nice complement. Dancing not only brings me joy but it brings other people joy as well. It's a win-win scenario.  When the beat of the music is so exhilarating I can't help but move and I guess my joy emanates out to others. 

For Reflection 

What do you like to do for fun? What steals your joy? What situation do you need to let go of to have more peace? Do leave a comment and let us know. 

If you enjoyed this post, consider joining our community by entering your email in the box above. You'll receive my weekly newsletter plus a copy of my NEW and FREE e-guide entitled "How to Develop a Spiritual Practice".  To further your spiritual growth, check out my collection of books here. 

Stay tuned for for more tips on staying positive and faith-filled so you can discover YOUR destiny!

Until next time, 

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Follow me on:

Pinterest

Instagram

Facebook

Twitter 

Finding True Peace

On a scale of 1 - 10, how peaceful do you feel today? What is stealing your peace? Worries about the future? Your family? Your finances? Staying at peace can be a challenge in today's chaotic world. People are seeking peace in a multitude of places and through a variety of means. But did you know we have been given the gift of Peace by God himself and that true peace is constant? In this fourth week of Advent, we celebrate what I believe is the most precious gift of all - the gift of Peace. 

Some try to find peace by amassing a fortune or attaining a certain status thinking wealth or notoriety will bring them peace. Wealth can disappear quite quickly if we are not careful. Who and what is popular today can be unpopular tomorrow. The world is fickle. Others try to find peace by drinking away their problems. Food, drink, and material possessions will never give us lasting peace. They provide only temporary satisfaction. Hopefully, you have learned this. 

Others go a more spiritual route. They try meditation, relaxation techniques, mindfulness, yoga and the like. Now I am all for relaxing the body and clearing the mind. But these, too, are only temporary, as practitioners well know. How many times have I gone for a massage or to a yoga class and then, a few hours later, my peaceful feeling is disrupted by an aggravating phone call. It takes constant effort to remain at peace through external means. 

What is True Peace? 

First, let's describe what true peace feels like. True peace is surrendering and letting go of control. It is trusting and believing. It is an inner calmness that resides deep in our souls. True peace never leaves. It does not change with our circumstances or our feelings. 

When the challenges of life muddy the waters, we may doubt and become anxious but when we learn that these challenges are meant to grow us up and teach us to trust more in God and his faithfulness. Jesus said: "These things I have spoken to you so that IN ME you may have peace. In this world you will have tribulations, but I have overcome the world." (John 16:33). Did you get that part? IN ME. 

True peace does not come from anything in or of this world. It comes from the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit. In fact, it is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And how do we receive the Holy Spirit? By receiving the gift of Jesus Christ, that's how. Maintaining true peace can only be accomplished with supernatural power which comes from a relationship with Christ. And Christmas is the perfect time to receive Jesus's invitation to "Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28-29)

When Your Ship is Sinking 

When the disciples were in a tizzy on the sea of Galilee and the winds and the rain pounded their tiny boat, what did Jesus tell them? He said "Oh ye of little faith,". In other words, Jesus was right there in the ship with them and they were STILL afraid. Don't we know that Jesus is right there in the boat with us? No matter whether we are going thru: Covid, chemo, crisis, or chaos, Jesus is always with us. Now that is comforting. 

Jesus said "I came to bring you peace not as the world gives,". Did you get that? "Not as the world gives." Jesus also promised "I will never leave you nor forsake you." We, who are believers, can count on God's promises. God never lies and He never goes back on His word. Who else do you know that can promise that? Whatever storm we are going through, Jesus promises to navigate us through it and bring us out of it. I know, because, I have been through many storms in my life and I'm still here today thankfully. Glory to God. 

Personal Story
After much turmoil and chaos in my life, (read my true story "The Power of Faith: a journey to healing, wholeness, and harmony") I tried many methods, I've realized there is only one way to hold on to peace. When everything around me is in chaos and turmoil and the ground is shaking beneath me, I hold on to the one person that can handle it all and his name is Jesus. 

Now if you don't know Jesus, you may not understand how this works, and that's okay. You can call him God for now but those of us who have been through the fires of hell know him more intimately. We know his name is Jesus and he is our true peace. 

For Reflection:

So what storm are you going through today? A breakup? A financial loss? An illness? Whatever it is, ask Jesus into your situation. Ask him to give you his peace. Keep your eyes focused on him and not on your circumstances and he will keep you in perfect peace. 

If this post has encouraged you, do join our community and receive my weekly posts. You'll also receive my free guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". All you have to do is enter your email address in the box provided. While you're at it, pass it on. Someone you know may need a little hope this season. 

Need a gift? Consider giving a copy of my inspirational true story, "The Power of Faith: a journey to healing, wholeness, and harmony" available on Amazon and your favorite booksellers. Or my newest ebook, "Take Back Your Life: 5 Keys to Reclaiming Your Personal Power" available on Amazon, Apple, and Barnes and Noble. 

For all kinds of interesting tips and info from exercise and diet, to mindfulness and meditation to the benefits of tea, pop on over to my Pinterest page at https://www.pinterest.com/arielpaz/boards/ 

I wish you and yours true peace this Christmas season. May the Lord be with you, comfort you and give you his peace. Merry Christmas!

 
Until next time,

Keep looking up!

Ariel Paz