Suffering: How to Get Thru the Tough Times

Nobody likes to suffer. But guess what? Suffering is part and parcel of life. Suffering exists in many forms such as physical, mental, or emotional suffering. Somethings come on us from outside sources and some suffering we bring on ourselves through faulty beliefs and poor choices. People all over the world are suffering in one form or another and yes, some people suffer more than others.

As we all belong to the human family, I believe we are called to alleviate suffering or at least to comfort those who are in pain. So to that end, I am writing this post. It is not an easy topic to write on, but it is important and touches each of us deeply. Recent events prompted me to think about this topic once again and perhaps you, too.

A few weeks ago, I was at the Baltimore Book Festival and since my tastes tend towards things spiritual, I stopped at the Christian Science booth. The two women explained how they believe in the power of prayer to heal ourselves and others. All well and good. But when I googled the religion, it said this under their "What we believe" tab : "We believe it is not God's will for people to be sick, suffer, or die." Really? What about Job? What about Paul and Peter? What about the countless migrants immigrating from Syria? What about the single parents of society or those with handicapped children? What about all those with AIDS? Victims of hurricanes and natural disasters?

Many belief systems and self-help gurus claim to be able to help their followers transcend or avoid suffering. According to self-help guru, Tony Robbins, most people try their best to avoid suffering and seek pleasure. As much as we seek pleasure, can anyone really say for certain they can avoid suffering? How many wealthy and successful people are struck with disease or tragedy? Wealth is not a guarantee against suffering. Nor is a life spent pursuing enlightenment. Look at Buddha. Did he not suffer? I have several Buddhist friends and they don't seem to be the happiest bunch either. How many monks have taken ill or ended up destitute? Perhaps a different perspective may be helpful.

Could it be that suffering is, in fact, good for us? Now I know this runs contrary to popular opinion. As the verse in James says "Count it all pure joy when you go through many trials for they produce character," (James 1:2).Trials exist for a purpose. Trials help us grow and develop character, even the ones we don't understand. Job didn't understand why he had to endure so many trials. His wife told him to "Curse God and die," she was so disgusted and hopeless. But in the end, Job did learn something about God, himself, and his friends. Isn't that what trials are all about? Suffering exists to teach us about ourselves, others, and God and this is where Faith comes in.

But what if we don't have Faith? Many people are leaving the church today. Some don't even give a thought to their spiritual life. I often wonder how they survive the inevitable trials of life. If we have no faith or belief in the infinite goodness of God, it is easy to be overcome by suffering.

When people don't take the time to look deeper to search for a reason for their suffering, they lose hope and eventually take desperate measures such as killing themselves or other people. This is why people often turn to alcohol, drugs, or excess in some area of life to comfort them and take their minds off their troubles. What these people don't realize is until they take the time to seek an answer, their troubles are not going to go away. Troubles are lessons in disguise. Life is a school, and the lessons we learn move us to the next grade. If we don't learn the lesson we'll keep repeating the grade. Let me give you a personal example.

Relationships have always been important to me. I have a tendency to want to make relationships work out. I put forth so much effort in my marriage to make the relationship work until I heard my then estranged husband utter these words: "Well, I'm not the first to be divorced, and I won't be the last." It was then I realized he had stopped trying. The pattern continued with the boyfriends who came into my life. I was always the one taking responsibility. The most hurtful situation was with my oldest son. I tried so hard so many times to make these relationships work but they all failed miserably. What was the lesson in all of these relationships that I failed to learn?

I kept searching and asking God and others "Why?" Now I have peace. Now I understand the lesson, but it has taken years and several buckets of tears. Eventually the answer comes.

The lesson was this. It takes two to make a relationship work. I needed to respect myself enough to say "Enough is enough". If the other person wasn't respecting me, I needed to set my boundaries and keep them at arm's length: husband, boyfriend, or son. The characters changed but the scenario remained the same. The pain kept getting worse. It was my youngest son who pointed this out to me and then I was able to tie all the pieces together. Now that I think about it, perhaps this all goes back to the fact that I never had a relationship with my alcoholic father. I tried many approaches then as well - excelling in school, music, and many other areas. None of these worked because my father was an alcoholic, and he was incapable of having a relationship with anyone except the bottle.

We don't always understand why God allows suffering at the time, because our minds are human in capacity and our awareness is often clouded. God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His ways are higher than our ways (Is 55:8-9). This means God always has a purpose and a plan, even if it is not clear to us. God uses circumstances to mold us, to grow us up, and to teach us to take better care of ourselves. Yes, these lessons can be painful and difficult but in the same way a parent disciplines a child for his or her own good, so God disciplines his children (Heb 12:4-7).

We may not see what the outcome of our situations will be. This is what Faith is all about. Faith is the positive belief of things not yet seen. The Bible says that Faith is what pleases God (Heb 11:6). It shows we trust Him, even when we cannot see the path in front of us. Even when our eyes are filled with tears, and the days seem as dark as night, Faith is the power we each have to see us through. Faith is what carries us and keeps us. Suffering is difficult, no doubt, but when we can assign meaning to it, it loses some of its sting. Faith is the muscle we have to push through and to persevere.

What are you facing today? Have you lost a loved one? A relationship has failed? Financial woes? Health issues? Trust me, there are lessons in each of these circumstances. When we slow down enough to seek answers, they will come. I don't expect you to share your personal story but if you'd like, I encourage you to, because it is healing. Feel free to do so in the comments below.

If this post touched you and you'd like to join our community, enter your email in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly emails plus a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". It's a generic guide, not necessarily for Christian paths as we are all on a journey and I believe it will be helpful to anyone who is seeking spiritual direction.

I would love to hear your comments on this post. The experts advise talking about the raw stuff of life and this was certainly raw. I hope this has given you a different and encouraging perspective on the trials you are going through.

May your load be lightened and keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

10 Signs You're in the Wrong Relationship

Relationships can be a dream or a nightmare and it can be very difficult to navigate the dating waters. This may explain why the number of single Americans continues to grow. Did you know that singles comprise over half of the United States population?

Some 124.6 million Americans were single in August, 2014. Now that is quite an impressive statistic. As a long-time divorced lady, I have some experience with what can possibly go wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, we miss the obvious "red flags" because we are a) lonely b)already smitten or c)clueless. As they say, love is blind. So in an attempt to remove the blindfold, and keep my fellow single friends from going through unnecessary pain and angst, today I am going to share 10 signs  you may be in the wrong relationship. I am writing from a woman's point of view, but many of these signs can just as well apply to women for my male readers.

1. The guy never has money to pay your way.
You are a treasure, a gift, and your presence deserves to be honored. If a guy always asks you to pay your own way, he may not be able to afford his rent much less you. Time to move on.

2. Your partner tells "little white lies".
I'm sorry, but a lie is a lie. If someone is withholding information or distorting the facts, they are lying. If the person is compelled to not tell the whole truth about small situations, what is going to happen when something big comes up?

3. The person only talks about himself. 
Nothing is more boring than to spend an evening listening to a guy go on and on about himself, his accolades, his children, his wealth, ya da ya da ya da. If your date doesn't show an equal amount of interest in you, my dear girl, right from the get go, he is not going to later on. This behavior indicates a possible narcissistic personality and is unhealthy, so run!

4. The guy wants to get you in bed early on.
Ok, I admit I am a bit old school and I know times are changing. However! I still live by my mother's old adage "Why should he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?" Sleeping with a guy is no guarantee he is going to stay with you. In fact, if he is pestering you early on for sex, that is a clear indicator of his true motives. Move on.

5. The guy drinks a lot, smokes a lot, eats a lot, uses drugs or gambles a lot.
These are all addictive behaviors and you are not going to be the one to "fix him". If your beau displays any of these behaviors to excess, again - move on!

6. He can't seem to hold a steady job.
 I once dated a guy who had a four-page resume. There was always some excuse why the job didn't work out. You have to ask yourself "What is the common denominator?" Now I don't mean if a poor guy loses his job, you should dump him. What I mean is if the guy has a string of jobs that only last a short time and then he is out looking again, tell him to look in the mirror. You move on!

7. He has a lot of female "friends".
Typically when a guy tells you "She's just a friend," that usually means she is an ex-girlfriend. And if she is still hanging around, she is still interested in him. You want a guy who only has eyes for you, a guy who has long-term relationships. You do not want a playboy, a player, or a Casanova romeo. Unless, of course, you want your heart broken.

8. The guy offers to buy you.
I once was told "If we get together, you'll never have to worry about money again." It was all I could do not to gag. This is a manipulative ploy wealthy men use to get a woman. Any self-respecting female can support herself and does not need to be "taken care of" by a man. Times have changed, and no longer do women look to men to provide for them. Women today are looking for deeper values such as commitment, communication, connection, intimacy and such.

9. Your friend has a critical spirit. 
He makes cutting or sarcastic remarks at your expense and then brushes it off by saying "I was only joking with you," or "Can't you take a joke?" Sorry, buddy. No dice. Sarcasm is a sign of insecurity. A secure man will never undermine his lady in any way. It is not funny. It is petty and unacceptable. Again, gals, move on. It will only get worse as time goes by.

10. Your man is already in another relationship.
Last but not least, do not attempt to attract a man who is already dating someone or who is separated. Being separated is still being married. You do not want to be the reason someone's marriage dissolves. If a guy is seeing another woman "on the side", you don't want him. Love triangles only bring heartache and pain. Find someone who is unattached, available, and has had and made time to process their issues from their previous marriage. The last thing you need in a budding romance is drama. If a guy is making eyes at you while he's with another woman, he will be doing the same thing when he's with you. Move on!

Ok, so there you have it. Ten signs you are in the wrong relationship. I'm speaking from personal experience on a lot of these and hope this post has opened your eyes to see if any of these could be true in your relationship. The sooner you spot these signs and get out, the quicker you will be able to move on to find Mr. Wonderful.

When we find the inner power we all possess, we will be more confident in our choices and find the courage to say no to unhealthy situations. Love to hear your thoughts on this post.

Enter your email address in the box provided if you'd like to receive my weekly posts and a copy of my free e-guide " 7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more positive and practical wisdom and 

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

The Lure of Addiction: How to Understand and Help

Do you know someone who struggles with addiction? Perhaps you do. The truth is many of us struggle with addiction to one degree or another. It could be drugs or alcohol, smoking or gambling. It could be overeating, overworking, perfectionism or overachieving. These are all forms of addictions - trying to get a need met in an unhealthy and excessive way. Today we will dive into this relevant and painful subject to understand why people get addicted and what to do about it.

We all need connection and to feel loved, valued, and appreciated, yet many do not. There are a multitude of reasons for this disconnection, such as divorce, the breakdown of the family unit, the need to succeed, and the fast pace of life, to name a few. It takes time and effort to connect to others.

Divorce has divided many families, including my own. Kids feel ignored, unloved, and guilty so they turn to substances such as drugs and alcohol to fill that ache in their hearts. Others turn to abusive relationships to fill that need.

This growing number begs the question - why are so many addicted?

Recently on an Oprah radio, I heard a short part of a dialogue between Russell Brand and Oprah. Russell Brand is a British comedian who was briefly married to the pop music star, Katy Perry. Oprah asked the question if one can ever get over an addiction like to drugs or sex and Russell made a statement that really got me to thinking. It went something like this.

"Addicts are usually very sensitive people who realize they are not connected spiritually and are looking for that feeling from the addictive substance or behavior."

Kind of puts a different spin on the whole addiction thing.  Human beings are made with an internal desire to be connected not only to other people but also to God. We are spiritual beings living in a human body but some fail to recognize this need.

Perhaps you've had an experience with an addict or an addiction, or know someone who does. They are usually very lovable, attractive, seductive, and charming personalities. They make you laugh and they make you cry. But deep down inside, like so many of us, they are hurting and they usually don't know why. So they seek solace and connection in something or someone that temporarily comforts their souls.

Addiction comes in many forms. Some choose alcohol. Others choose smoking, drugs, food, gambling, sex, work, exercise, approval. The list goes on and on. In fact, anything done to excess can be an addiction. And that includes relationships as well. Nothing, not even a relationship, is meant to be a substitute for God.

We all have a spiritual need, a void, a hunger deep down inside. God made us that way; to long for connection. We try and fill this need with so many different things, but only one person will truly fulfill that desire and He is God. Sooner or later most of us come to this realization, usually after we hit rock bottom in one or many areas of our lives. Even the wisest man on earth, King Solomon, came to this conclusion when he said:

"Meaningless! Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" (Ecclesiastes 1:2).

Have you been deeply hurt in the past and look to substances, activities, or people to fill that loneliness and cover the pain?  Today is the day to get to know God. He  wants you to be healed and whole. As I say in my book, "The Power of Faith",  "When we are ready to meet God, He is ready to meet us."

If you'd like to ignite the power within and discover your destiny, join our community by entering your email address in the box provided. You'll receive my bi-weekly emails and also a copy of my latest freebie.

Stay tuned for more practical and spiritual wisdom and

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel

How to Improve Your Communication

Ever get frustrated when you're trying to communicate with someone? Either they don't hear you, they misunderstand, they raise their voice, they go off on a tangent or they make random comments that are not related to the topic at hand.  No doubt about it, communication problems can make or break any relationship. 

Many of us want to blame the other person for a miscommunication but this shifts the focus off of who and what we can change - namely ourselves. We have no power over how the other person communicates and if we want to improve the relationship, we will take ownership over our part of the communication issues.

One of the keys to good communication is understanding that there are different styles of communicating. Some people like to chit chat. Others have a goal or a purpose and are to the point. Some people stick to light topics like the weather and sports or the latest Hollywood gossip.  Others like to discuss philosophical ideas and deeper topics such as religion and psychology. The key is to understand we all have different communication styles and personalities.

Here's a personal story. So my sister and I have not been very close over the years. She's been in another state and communication has been infrequent. Lately, due to my mom's situation, we have a need to talk with each other more regularly. It hasn't been easy. I am from a business background and she is not. We have different levels of education and therefore, different ways of thinking. I like to get to the point and get a problem solved. She likes to meander about whatever is going on in her world, regardless of whether it is relevant to the issue at hand. I get impatient. So, realizing this, I shared my frustrations with her. She got it and said she would try to keep her comments succinct. We shall see. 

If you want to improve your communication with others here are 3 keys to consider:

1) Understand what your style of communication is
     Do you like to chit chat or do you prefer having a purpose or a goal to the             interaction?
     Do you think as you speak or do you reflect first and then speak?
     Do you prefer light conversation or deep topics?
     Are you more analytical or more emotional?
     Do you have to be right all the time?

2) Understand what the other person's style is
     Are they hesitant to open up and share their feelings?
     Are they aggressive and loud and try to overpower you?
     Are they emotional?
     Are they opinionated?

     Do they need to always be in the right?
     Are certain topics too sensitive to be discussed?  

3) Make whatever changes you need to in order to bridge the gap.
    If we want to get along with another person, we must be willing to change. This shows maturity. We don't dig in our heels and say "Well, that's just the way I am". No, we take a good look in the mirror and ask ourselves what we can do to get along better with that difficult person in our life. This also shows we CARE about the relationship and we are putting forth EFFORT to make it better.

For more on the different styles of communication check out this article featured in Forbes magazine.

If you're having problems in a relationship, communication may be the root of the problem. Rather than avoiding the person or throwing in the towel and moving on, view the situation as an opportunity for growth. Try sharing your difficulties with them to open up a dialogue for change.  If they care about you and preserving the relationship, they will make the effort.

Love to hear your thoughts on this. Do leave a comment. If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community and receive my weekly emails on personal growth, relationships, spirituality and healing, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Stay tuned for more insights on how to achieve healing, wholeness, and harmony so you can enjoy the life you dream of and discover your destiny!

Until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz 

Ignite the Power Within Step 5: How to Tell If You're Making the Right Decision

Most of us like the word "yes", don't we? I know I do. When someone asks me to do something I really want to do or I find something I really love, my immediate response is an emphatic "YES"! I am passionate about it. There is no hesitation, no doubt, no waffling. Joyful anticipation is a sign we are making the right decision.

A friend of mine was recently considering buying a certain car. As she relayed the pertinent facts, figures, and safety features, I noticed there was no enthusiasm in her voice.
"You really don't sound too excited about this car," I said. "Do you really want to buy it?"
"No, I don't think so," she admitted.
A few days later, she called me up all excited about another car she found and bought that one instead. She has been a happy camper ever since.

Here's another example. Let's take the shoe shopping experience. I'd venture to say that shoe shopping is difficult for most of us.  Either I can't find my size, the right color, they cost too much or they don't fit quite right. Bummer! And so frustrating. But when I finally find just the right pair of shoes -  good color, comfortable, and on sale, - YES!!!!! I get so excited. It borders on euphoria at times.

We know we are making the right choice when we not only have peace about our decision, but we also have joy about it too. When God wants to give us something or get us going in a new direction, we will be filled with excitement, enthusiasm, and hope. We wake up in the morning energized and motivated. This is how we know we are living in the will of God. Just as good parents want to guide their children and give them good things, so it is with God. He enjoys blessing us and he wants to see his children prosper.

But we must be careful. Sometimes we are excited at first because of the idea of something: the new guy, the new car, the shiny whatever. It is foolish to jump into a situation without giving it some careful analysis and prayer. We love new cars, but don't go rushing off to buy that Lexus without giving it some serious thought such as how you are going to afford those monthly payments.

There will be bumps along the way. The bumps are checkpoints for us to check in with God to make sure we are on the right path and ask for confirmation of our direction. An example I like to share is when I was trying to sell my house years ago and one deal after another fell through. I felt like I was supposed to sell it but started having doubts when the contracts weren't working out. So I went to God in prayer, and he confirmed what I was supposed to do in a most astonishing way. If you want to read more about this, check out my book, "The Power of Faith". 

Making good decisions has to do with listening to that still small voice inside of us. When we are connected to God, we can trust He is guiding us in every decision big or small. When we leave God out of the equation, we usually make the wrong choices. I know from personal experience.

Hearing from God and making better decisions is possible and we get better with practice. If you enjoyed this post, please click the +1 icon and share with your friends Many people would love to know how to hear from God and make better decisions.

If you would like to join our community, enter your email in the box provided. You receive my bi-weekly posts plus a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".

Stay tuned for more on igniting the power within and until next time, keep looking up!

Ariel Paz

Ignite the Power Within Step 5: How Faith Helps Your Realize Your Dreams

As the song from Mama Mia goes, "I have a dream, a song to sing." We all have a dream, don't we? Dreams come in all sorts of sizes and shapes. Some dream big dreams like becoming president, CEO, or making it to the Olympic team.

Your dream might be to own your own home, learn to fly a plane, ride a motorcycle, ballroom dance. Or maybe write that book you've always wanted to write or own your own business.

Life is made of dreams. Dreams make life worth living because they give us something to live for and something to get excited about. They put the passion and spice into life.

What is it that you dream of doing, having, becoming? Have you forgotten or given up on it? You're never too old and it's never too late to dream a new dream. Don't let anyone discourage you. It is truly possible to live the life of your dreams at any stage of life.

Begin by taking the first step. Then another and another. You will be amazed at how doors open and your dream will become a reality sooner than you think. Don't make excuses such as "I'm too old," "I'll never get married," or "I'm not smart enough". Faith opens doors and makes the path clear for God to work. Believe in yourself and in the power of God. Together you will go further than you ever imagined.

I speak from personal experience because many of my dreams have come true already and I am in awe of what God has done in and through me.

Who would have thought that a timid, overweight child of an alchoholic father would graduate from the prestigious Johns Hopkins University with a Masters degree? Who would have thought that this same person would survive an abusive marriage, a devastating divorce and financial ruin? Who would have dreamed of being an author and go on to write and publish a book and create her own blog? Who would have thought that I would have visited the many countries I've been to? Who would have thought that a single mom would be able to see her two sons graduate from college and one earn his Masters Degree? Who would have thought a single mom would be able to sponsor a child in a third-world country all the way through college?

These are truly dreams - miracles really- that have come true. All by the grace of God and with the power of Faith. When we believe we give God permission to work in our lives. What's even more exciting is that when we begin to believe and see the smaller dreams come to fruition, we will be even more motivated to dream bigger dreams the next time. As they say "the sky is the limit". Dare to dream big!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided and you'll also receive a copy of my free e-guide "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path". 

Until we meet again, follow your dreams, keep the faith and keep looking up!

Ariel 

Ignite the Power Within Step 4: 5 Ways to Overcome Overwhelm

"I've just got too much to do and I'm exhausted." "I don't have time for...." Have you heard yourself make comments like these lately? Do you feel like you are never caught up? Always on the go and never have time to relax, exercise, or do something nice for yourself? If so, you are not alone. We all struggle with overwhelm at times, but there are ways to manage it and make life more relaxed and stress-free.

The feeling of being overwhelmed is a problem many struggle with, especially women who are usually taking care of the family, the house, the meals, the spouse or boyfriend, all the while holding down a full-time career AND trying to stay thin, fit, and beautiful. Just thinking about all this is exhausting.

I know because I've been there myself. As a single mom raising two sons, working at a demanding high-pressure job and going to night school, it was quite a juggling act to keep everything together. But I survived, and you will too and today I am sharing 5 tips on how to deal with overwhelm and not turn into the wicked witch of the west.

1. Take time to breath.
When we start feeling anxious, rushed, or stressed, that means it's time to take a break, sit down, and take a few deep calming breaths. Repeat a phrase that will calm you down such as "I can do this", "I am calm", or any prayer or meditation that you choose.

2. Prioritize.
Reevaluate what is really important in your life. Most women have a hard time relaxing. We need to remind ourselves to just "Chill out" and move relaxation higher up on the priority list. I know I do. Most men do not seem to have this problem, I have observed. We could learn from them.

3. Just say NO.
 I used to carry a yellow laminated card in my purse with the word 'NO' written in big red letters. I would whip it out when someone asked me to do something I was not crazy about doing. Picture the referee at a soccer game giving a yellow card to one of the players. You get the idea.

4. Stay present.
 Focus on the task at hand. Don't spend precious energy thinking about what all you have to do that day or that week. Take one thing at a time. Then rest. Then do the next thing. When we spend time complaining or ruminating about everything we have to do, we waste precious time and energy.

5. Be thankful.
Look for the positive side of the situation. Instead of complaining about cleaning the house, say "I am thankful I have the energy and the health to clean my house."  "I am thankful I have a house to clean." Rather than bemoan your job, your boss, your coworkers, say "I am thankful I have a job and a steady income." There is always another way to look at things.

These are a few tips to help us all stay calm, cool, and collected despite the many demands and responsibilities of life. There will always be stuff to do. We cannot change that. But we can change our attitude on how we think about the stuff we have to do.

If you enjoyed this post and would like to join our community, enter your email address in the box provided. You'll receive a copy of my free e-guide entitled "7 Steps to Finding Your Spiritual Path".  Share this post with your friends too.

Until next time, remember to take time to rest and as always, keep looking up!

Ariel